I’m busy, so busy that it could be easy to not care about family meetings. Yet, I believe in running my family like a business to an extent. All good organizations need meetings to reflect, plan, celebrate, and grow. From extended family meetings at my grandparents’ to the one I run now in my own house, family meetings are essential to our household health. Family time has been keeping us together, grounded, and connected for generations.

At my grandparent’s house, it started with my grandfather’s drumming.

At dawn, his beat called the family to the living room. We sang together, read scriptures, and discussed different daily life challenges, giving our opinions and sharing ideas from our day-to-day experiences. We were sometimes quite groggy at the beginning of those meetings, but those family devotions were a great chance to talk with everyone about the right and wrong ways to go about life.

My mother’s version was a lot more creative.

One time she called my siblings and I around the dining table stacked with snacks and malted drinks for an eating and drinking contest. No one could forget the time when the entire family was commissioned to read through V.S. Naipaul’s “Miguel Street” and how we discussed the various stories as we went through the book together. Sometimes, she brought home a sheet full of riddles or brainteasers and had us sprawled on the floor with pencils and paper trying to get the answers. At other times, everyone gathered to discuss changes that were on the horizon and each of us would give our opinions on the matter.

So, it flowed into my own family.

It kicked off during premarital counselling, when we learned about the parallels of a family and a company. So in the first few years, we held them on the last day of every month. We would grab some time together and review the month: celebrating our successes and acknowledging our stumbles. We’d set new goals for the next month and discuss our budget and make other important decisions. But, it wasn’t all stuffy or formal like some company meetings. They are more like the intermissions we have at the movies in Jamaica: a break time for us to stop the busyness that life can be, assess our reality and get prepped to jump back into the show.

As a child, I assumed every family was run this way.

We never called them ‘family meetings’ at the time, but these times designated to play, learn, and think together were central to how we functioned. Now, that I’m a mother, I see how important regular family meetings are to the harmony in my home. Whether we use the time to practice spiritual disciplines (devotion), set goals, review the budget, do book reviews, or play board games, it is important to schedule regular times for the family to get together. We’re living in a time where toddlers have swim lessons, 8 year olds have sporting competitions, and teenagers are working part-time jobs. Everyone’s schedule is packed that we can too quickly we move past each other without ever really connecting.

As a mother, I want to be intentional about the harmony in my home.

I know it doesn’t all fall into place just because we live in the same space and share DNA. So, even if it’s just 20 minutes a week, I need to set an appointment with my husband and my daughter where it’s just us: playing, learning, and thinking together. From my childhood memories, I know these are the times when family values get defined and passed on, when challenges get addressed and conflicts are resolved. It allows us to plan for family events and align our calendars. We get the chance to share new ideas and have new experiences together.

Sometimes family meetings are scheduled like bill payment day or eat-out night. At other times, they are impromptu like when a problem erupts or when we get home extra early and decide to put on some old music and do crazy dances in the kitchen. Structured or casual, our family meetings are essential to our flow. We take them seriously, and we give each other our full attention.

Mommies, do you pencil in dedicated family time?

Запись I Run My Family Like a Company to Keep Us Together впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

If my car were a person, she’d be getting her driver’s license this year.

When I was 17, my parents gave me the amazing gift of a used car. I named her Mollie Malibu. She was mine to take to college and drive through young adulthood.

As she approaches 17 years of age and 200, 000 miles, I have a strange a mixture of pride and shame. An old car certainly has benefits, such as no car note and low insurance and tag fees. By driving Mollie and my husband driving his 18-year-old car, we’ve saved thousands of dollars, yet in a culture that’s fascinated with the new and nice, it’s not always a fun decision to make.

There’s so much pressure to have the nicest and the newest.

Newer cars offer security. They’re outward signs of success and financial well-being. On some of my less proud days, I’ve parked away from events and walked farther so I wouldn’t have to be seen with my car. The plan has been to drive these cars until they break past the point of being worth the cost of repair. Each day we’re surprised they’re still going. We’ve had a handful of moments like when a belt broke on a rural stretch of road, stranding us while I was pregnant. It was unnerving to scramble for help, but not only did we survive, Mollie’s gone another 40, 000 miles since then.

Though they run, the truth is neither car is in great or even good condition.

Mollie’s engine idles rough, and the small oil leak a mechanic previously told us about has grown noticeable. Her paint’s peeling. Interior plastic has dried out and cracked. The turn signal is temperamental. We had to disable the theft lock system that started to lock the engine more and more frequently. I haven’t had a driver’s vanity mirror in years, and please do not try to open my glove box.

Yet, I love this car. For all her flaws, she’s mine. She’s been there for me for my entire adulthood. Time and use are wearing on her not unlike they wear on me. Mollie has gone from moving me into my dorm room to carting around my babies.

Mollie’s got her quirks, but she’s been one of my best assets.

To be able to get in a car and go has been a huge privilege. She’s taken me to work, on trips, to our wedding and honeymoon. She’s carried so many friends, so many groceries, and so many books from story time. She was there to get me to every job interview I’ve ever had. Last year, she was about 15 minutes from being where I had my second baby. Sure, reliable A/C would be nice, but it’s a luxury we’ve learned we don’t have to have. Saving for our family and an unknown future has been more important than climate-controlled comfort.

With the ongoing budget crisis facing higher education, we have been very cautious about adding additional bills. After relocating for my husband’s professorial career, we were glad that we didn’t have those additional expenses as I searched for a new job. I had no income when the state government released a projected budget that cut 83% funding to the university where my husband had been working less than a year. As we had hard conversations about contingency plans, I cannot understate the relief we felt knowing our monthly bills, besides housing, were so low.

We’re not living a life of poverty by far. Though I cannot buy everything I would choose, we eat well and regularly. This past year we had to use our emergency fund for the first time, and we were so glad it was there. It gave us so many options, allowed me to pass up undesirable employment and hold out for something better. Better things have come along, including buying our first house. The loan we were able to get was thanks in large part to Mollie, our other car, and the money we saved driving them even when they were inconvenient, embarrassing, and hot.

The other day my husband’s car stalled out at a red light.

Though it started again and the problem hasn’t reoccurred, we know we may be nearing the end for these cars. It’s hard to think about moving on when they have been so good to us even when we don’t always think so kindly about them.

To my beater, my clunker, my hooptie, my friend, please forgive me when I fail to acknowledge all you’ve done for me. You’ve taken me where I’ve needed to be for over 15 years. You’ve taught me thrift, humility, and a hard kind of pride that’s made me more kind, patient, and appreciative. Though I will miss you when you finally go, I will be forever grateful for every mile.

Запись My Hooptie, a Love Story: The Amazing and the Terrible Things about Driving an Old Car впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

1. Ruby Rails

Just the other day, my daughter told me that Ruby Rails is her favorite doll, so I had to list her first.  I must admit I love her too.  She is the first Black action figure doll that I have seen.  She is also a coder, and she comes with a parachute pack that allows girls to learn about engineering and aerodynamics while playing with her.

2.Healthy Roots

I love everything about this company which was started by a young design student who created the dolls and a children’s book to teach girls how to take care of their hair.   The dolls are available for pre-order.

3. Naturally Perfect Dolls

The line of dolls was created by  two parents who saw the need for their daughters to have a dolls with natural hair.  These dolls come in four shades of brown but the unique thing about this dolls is that they have “hair you can style/wash as natural hair.”

4. Ntomb’entle Dolls

In Zulu, Ntomb’entle means beautiful girl.  The Ntomb’entle dolls were created by Molemo Kgomo so that her daughter could relate to a beautiful Black South African doll.  I love that these dolls all have short hair.  It seems that although many dolls and books aim to teach girls about the beauty of their natural texture, very few encourage girls to embrace short hair.  These dolls are a perfect example of beautiful dolls that don’t have hair flowing down their backs.

5. Pretty Brown Girl

More than a doll, Pretty Brown Girl is a movement to teach girls to follow their dreams.  The doll was created by a mother who had a bad experience in an American Girl store.  In addition to the doll there are Pretty Brown Girl clubs as well as an after school program and an annual Pretty Brown Girl Day.

6. Queens of Africa

Based in Nigeria, this doll company creates dolls that embrace Nigerian culture and Black fashion and beauty.  The dolls also have story books and music that aim to empower girls of African descent.  The dolls come with Nigerian names from the three major ethnic groups in Nigeria.

7. OffDHookCreations

For anyone who is looking for a customized doll, please check out OffDHookCreations on ETSY.  I learned about these beautiful dolls from following the Instagram page of the same name.

8. Brown Eyed Dolls

Brown Eyed Dolls is a toy company that produces “dolls with wonderful curly, kinky hair, dolls with deep dark gorgeous skin tones and dolls with lighter skin tones.”

9. Ikuzi Dolls

The creator of Ikuzi Dolls,  Ozi Okaro has two daughters with different skin tones.  She was inspired by her daughters and her own experience growing up with a lack of dolls that represented her own beauty.

10. I’m a Pretty Little Black Girl

This doll comes from the main character of the children’s book that comes from the same name.

11. EthiDolls

“EthiDolls was founded on the idea that strong, smart & confident girls need relevant role models that are reflections of themselves.” The line of dolls is inspired by African real life women leaders from history such as Queen Mother Yaa Asantewa and other African royalty.  The dolls come with story books and an audio CD that teaches them history.

12. Hearts for Hearts-Rachel

Hearts for Hearts is a company that makes dolls that represent various nations around the world. Rachel is from Ethiopia.  She comes in two different outfits and has beautiful curly hair.

Moms, what are your favorite Black dolls?

Запись 11 Beautiful Black Dolls Beyond Barbie and Doc McStuffins впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Far from the best times of my life, my mid-to-late twenties were an extended pity party. Professionally, emotionally, and physically, I was stuck in a place I didn’t want to be.

Hate is too light a word to describe how I felt there. It’s a perfectly fine place for some people to live, but for me, I was dying.

I felt bad for feeling so bad when I knew there were people in much worse situations around the world. So I heaped guilt on top of my sadness because I was safe, fed, and yet still miserable.

Many days of the 13 years I was there, I felt like life was a test I was failing, until I made some key changes that helped me survive.

As a direct result of all these, my life improved. I met new people and strengthened existing friendships. It was rough going, but eventually I found a much needed village that made a huge difference for the remainder of my time there.

We’ve been in our new city for over a year now, and every day I’m so grateful. I worried at times that we’d finally move, and I’d still be unhappy because the problem was me, not the place. People will tell you to bloom where you’re planted, but you can’t put a full sun plant in the shade expecting it to thrive.

There’s nothing wrong with not being happy where you are.

It’s not a shortcoming or a personal failure. What is a problem is to allow it to destroy you. Move where you can thrive when you can, and until that point, try some of what worked for me to get by.

Запись 10 Survival Tips For Mommies Who Hate Where They Live впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Alicia Barnes, liciabobesha.com

I know you’re already taking photos of your kids, but are you taking easy steps that can vastly improve the quality of photos?

People often assume that the quality of a photo is tied to how nice the camera is, but actually, better photos are taken by better photographers who use better techniques. Everyone regardless of starting skill level, regardless of camera, can use these techniques. Yes, you, even if all you have is a camera phone, can take better photos. Here’s how:

1. Move your body instead of zooming with the camera.
Move your body closer to subjects and get on their level. With babies that means getting on the ground. If they’re on their tummies or hands and knees, try lying on your stomach. You’ll get a new angle and a better shot of their face.

2. Go toward the light!
Having enough light is important because it helps stop motion and makes clear photos which can seem almost impossible with a wiggly baby. If you’re taking most of your photos inside and they always seem blurry or too dark, think about grabbing a blanket and going outside, but if you have to be inside, open all the blinds and get as much natural light as possible.

3. Be selective.
Just because there are 10 people in the room, you don’t have to get all 10 at once. Shoot smaller groups of 1-3 people or get one subject in front with the others away in the background. When visiting family, try to get as many one-on-one shoots of your kids interacting.

4. Gather your group then get them to play.
People like to pose, but only getting photos of people saying “cheese” is cheesy. Take mostly natural candid photos of people interacting. It’s best if they don’t even notice you and are engaged with each other instead of with the camera. You can pose a group shot but then improve by getting the people to interact instead of freezing and smiling.

5. Catch fun happening naturally.
Try to catch babies and big kids doing activities that entertains them. Bored people make boring photos. Don’t always try to plan the perfect shot with the cute outfit and nice hair. If they’re in their pjs and running around laughing, grab the camera.

6. Resist the urge to center.
Once you have a photo you want to take, don’t automatically center the subject! Move the subject from your photo from the middle to the side and try to fill the frame with the subject to eliminate distractions in the back. It’s even better if you can have more photo in whatever direction the subject is looking.

Also notice in this photo I just have our friend’s hand. Had I tried to capture his whole body, it would have been hard to see that absolute joyful smile. Babies are small so the details are small. That’s why you have to get close.

7. Take more photos than you think you’ll need.
The more photos you take, the more chance you’re going to get a good one. Don’t just take the same photo over and over again. Try different angles of the same subject. Be sure to take both landscape and portrait shots. Also try the different settings on the camera if you have the options. Later at your computer go through and select the best photos.

A note about using a flash.
Try to shoot the photos first without a flash. Flashes are really distracting to babies and sometimes hurt their eyes. They create weird shadows that can ruin a good photo. If the room is too dark without the flash see step 2. If you must use a flash, do it away from walls or items for the shadow to fall against.

Next time you pick up your camera, try some of the above and let me know how it goes. I think you’ll be happier with the results.

Alicia lives and took a semester of photography in a small college town that often challenges her resolve to live as simply and as stress-free as possible. When she’s not working, rereading the same children’s books, cooking, or wondering how crunchy she’s become, she’s busy updating her site,  liciabobesha.com. You can follow her on facebook.

Запись 7 Simple Tips for Taking Better Photos of Your Kids впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Tiffany Childress Price

I’m self conscious about post partum weight. Now I’m not talking about  the muffin of ALL muffin tops in the universe from your skinny jeans, nor how “little in the middle but she got much butt” is now reversed.  I’m actually okay with my postpartum body, fitting into about 90% of my pre pregnancy clothes 7 months out. The only time I feel self conscious is when my son tries to nurse on my stomach. To my credit, it’s dark during those early morning feedings.

The weight to which I’m referring is my son’s. At his 6 month check up, he had barely doubled his birth weight, which by the way, was substantial at 8 pounds, 9 ounces. My hopes were high for a jiggly, wiggly, rolly polly baby with such a promising start. Seven months later, he has ONE roll on his thigh which I’m not sure can even legitimately be called a roll; it’s more of a crease. He has defined biceps, triceps, and a hard stomach. He rolled or scooted off of our futon at 8 weeks and started crawling at 5 months, so I’ve never questioned his health. Doubts about his weight, however, have reared their heads during this very social holiday season. We’re frequenting get togethers and parties and family events during this time of year, so Solomon is subject to many more sets of eyes.  My sister, who was the first to boost my confidence about Solomon’s body (her daughter had a 6 pack as an infant), lovingly and lightheartedly pointed out at Thanksgiving, “He’s got chicken legs!” These chicken legs are the most disappointing. Women from the south have always voiced envy for my big legs, and I was smitten when I saw my husband in shorts for the first time—beautiful, full, muscular, yet rounded—the legs of a cyclist. Surely, Solomon would have long and thick thighs. What genetic anomaly  has caused the expression of the “chicken leg” gene? My mom, an ICU trained pediatric nurse said he looked really healthy, so I laughed and affirmed the chicken leg comment.

At a women’s Christmas get together, I gawked at and admired the chunky legs of “R” as his mother pulled him out of his carrier. He’s 3 months younger than Solomon, yet weighs more than him! Everyone joked about how heavy he was. I sat quietly, trying to force some carrots down Solomon’s throat; he clearly needed to catch up.

The last blow to my confidence about Solomon’s nutrition was my mother-in-law’s Christmas greeting. After offering to change Solomon’s diaper, and expressing disappointment with the baked sweet potato I gave him for breakfast, she told us that she cried herself to sleep thinking about how skinny Solo was. Oh. No. “You cried yourself to sleep?” This was more serious than I thought if it brought a loving and skilled grandmother to tears. She did raise three of her own and worked as a nanny for many years.

“His cousins were all so fat by his age”, she said with worry in her voice. “But were they crawling this early? He’s very active and burns a lot of calories, ” I defensively questioned. “I mean, all he’s eating is a baked potato? Where’s his bottle? He needs cereal in a bottle. He’s not getting enough from your breasts. He needs some real food. They make healthy foods in those jars.” All of my insecurities flooded back. Maybe he wasn’t getting enough from my breast milk? Why is he so skinny? All the other infants his age have chunky thighs.

So what gives? Can my child be a model for hungry children or is he okay? These are the facts:

1)     Breastmilk is the best thing you can give your baby. Moms who breastfeed aren’t “special” or more maternally committed. Moms who don’t should feel no guilt. Some women can’t breastfeed for health reasons, work related variables, or some just don’t feel they have the time.   However, the antibody packed milk from our bodies provide ALL of the nutrients our babies need.  For added punch, breastfed babies are less likely to develop chronic conditions like diabetes, high cholesterol, asthma, and allergies! There are less likely to become OVERWEIGHT! Cha-ching! (www.drweil.com, retrieved December 26, 2013)

2)     Follow your baby’s cues. Pediatricians recommend waiting until 6 months of age for the introduction of solids. Once you do start pureeing the carrots and sweet potatoes, how in the world do we know if our babies are getting enough? Iron-fortified cereals and pureed foods supplement breast milk or formula. They DO NOT replace it. A baby should continue with the previously given amounts of milk with added solids. Let your baby indicate when he’s full. Does he open his mouth for the spoon or turn away and give his lentils cheek action? If he wants more, give it to him. If he turns away, shakes his head, or plays with it, take it as a cue that he’s full. Remember, hold the honey until at least after the first year! Botulism is a concern! (kidshealth.org)

3)     Follow YOUR baby’s growth chart.Though Solomon’s pediatrician admitted that he’s a “skinny baby”, she showed us his consistent growth over the months. Each time we had a visit, his little dots for length and weight increased. Growth is the concern, not the percentile. Keep in mind that “standard” charts for growth and development show data from meat- and sugar-eating groups.

4)     Chubby is not necessarily healthy (but it doesn’t mean unhealthy either).  Though most of us in the wealthy western world generally despise “chunky”, we adore chunky, cherub-like babies. They represent new life and vitality. “The health of a child should be judged by muscle, tone, activity level, awareness, alertness, curiosity, general mental function, and emotions, not by the scale.” (Diane Avoli, “Weight Concerns for Mothers and Babies”, Macrobiotics Today”)

5)     Milestones are critical. Is your baby able to sit up by 6 or 7 months, able to roll over? Does she smile at 3 or 4 months? Is he responsive to sound? Hitting milestones is key to determining if your child is healthy and developing.

I’m addressing this sensitivity about my son’s weight and body type by celebrating his incredible mental alertness, developing gifts, astounding motor skills, and joy he finds with life. I’m remembering that each of us is genetically unique and individual; that goes for babies too. As moms, let us celebrate and honor our childrens’ unique gifts, personalities, and even body types.

Tiffany Childress Price teaches high school Chemistry on the west side of Chicago. She’s been a teacher for 7 years, previously working as an educational director for a local church and as a community organizer. She’s married to Bobby and is the mother of 8 month old Solomon, a vivacious, happy non napping boy. Tiffany enjoys writing, reading non fiction, biking, running, and riding Amtrak with her hubby.

Запись “Skinny” Baby Drama — Dealing with Critics of Your Child’s Size впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Hello ladies,

It’s been a great year for Baby and Blog since we launched in June! As we head into the new year, we want to increase the number and the diversity of voices that contribute to this website. We are looking for 2 to 3 new writers who can contribute 2 to 4 pieces a month. All writers are compensated.

We invite anyone who is interested to apply, but we are particularly on the lookout for those with writing and/or literary backgrounds, and those who maintain personal blogs.

If you are interested email leila@babyandblog.com. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Leila

Запись Baby and Blog is Looking For (Paid) Writers! впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I would rock this look to a cafe with the hubby, Barnes and Noble with the kids (4 babies I might add), or our all around Family Day that we do Saturdays (museum, Goodwill for shopping, dinner)!

Although I’m a mom, I believe that I can still be both stylish and comfortable. Nothing in this outfit is new or recently purchased (except for the ‘Believe’ necklace that was given to me for my birthday recently). My style advice; make your old favorite pieces work for your present and future looks! And don’t be afraid to be different!

Leather Jacket – Wilsons Leathers
Sweater – Thrifted – Banana Republic
Jeans – Forever 21
Boots – Target
Bracelet – “ReBorYn” (My Jewelry Line)
Earrings – ReBorYn
T-Shirt Scarf – DIY (Yes I made it)
Hat – Borrowed from the Hubby
Hair – Twist Protective Style

Kim is the author of  where she discovers what it means to be a woman of GOD, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and entrepreneur.

Want to submit a snapshot of your mommy style? Email leila@babyandblog.com with “Mommy Style” in the subject line.

Запись Mommy Style: Kim’s Fall Look впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Hey Ladies,

It’s been almost four months since I launched Baby and Blog and, whew, it’s definitely been a learning process! My other blog, Black Girl with Long Hair, is about hair — which certainly can be a very personal topic — but nothing like motherhood! I find that the pieces I write for Baby and Blog definitely take a lot out of me (I am sooo not a public sharer, so this is new territory), but they also force me to think and reflect. It’s been a journey and I’m really glad for those of you who check in regularly ?

You might have noticed that we have a new design! Our old one wasn’t giving the ease of navigation that I envisioned, so I switched things up.

Also I’m looking for regular paid contributors! I want to hear your experiences; your challenges, your questions, your victories, your joys. And the position is open to all types of mommies: working, stay-at-home, single, married, in-school. If you are interested, email leila@babyandblog.com with the subject “Paid Writer Position.”

Onward and upward!

Leila

Запись Changes to Baby and Blog: New Design and Paid Writer Positions! впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.