When I received a baby shower invitation last year, I was excited and sad. The friend had just moved to a new state, so attending an in-person shower wasn’t an option. Yet, I was elated to find out I could still participate because this shower was virtual.

We used Google Hangouts to connect.  

In the baby shower invitation, the hostess sent guests instructions for directions either downloading the app to our phones or to using Google Hangouts on a computer.  In addition, the hostess had already prepared games for us as well as an online registry so that the gifts would be delivered prior to the shower.

Запись Friends and Family Too Far? Host a Virtual Baby Shower Instead впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

When I told her this baby was my first, she warned, “Do your best to take care of your little girl because you might not have another one.” I was appalled.

The story goes, “Your clock starts ticking at age 30, gets super loud when you’re 35, then just falls apart by the time you hit the big 4-0.” As such, it didn’t take long for me to start getting anxious for my friends who were dreaming of raising their own little village, but still hadn’t gotten around to baby #1 as yet.

Whether they are busy working to pay off student loans, taking care of siblings, or simply still waiting to meet Mr. Right, some sisters are trying to get some financial stability before taking on parenthood. Others are battling infertility, miscarriages, and ‘anti-fertility’ health challenges like fibroids, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), all the while the clock keeps ticking, or does it?

Let’s take a look at the top 3 myths about pregnancy for women over 35 years old.

You Have Fewer Eggs

You’ve probably heard that every baby girl comes into the world loaded with her own ‘egg bank’ – her two ovaries stocked with 1-2 million egg cells. Then by the time she hits puberty, some of those eggs are released monthly through ovulation, while many others die their naturally programmed death like other cells in the body. This being the case, by the time the average woman is in her 30’s (and past her fertile peak), her reserve of eggs has been significantly depleted to about 12%.

Truth: The concern about a low egg reserve is relevant to women who have already been diagnosed with fertility problems and are considering using In-Vitro Fertilisation to conceive. That’s because the procedure needs multiple eggs to be extracted for fertilisation. This ‘low egg reserve’ argument is a non-issue for women who are trying to conceive naturally. The thing is, if you’re only left with 12% of your eggs at age 30, that works out to more than 100, 000 eggs. You only need ONE egg to make a baby.

You Have Lower Quality Eggs

While a woman’s womb can be kept fit and fabulous, her eggs don’t have the same kind of longevity and resilience. Some of her eggs will die naturally as time passes, and the remaining eggs just get old! This results in miscarriages and babies born with Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities.

Truth: It is true that ‘older eggs’ don’t perform as well. The chances of the chromosomes dividing improperly, and the body in turn rejecting the embryo are higher in mature mothers. However, this experience is not exclusive to women in their 30s, and miscarriages are more common than we think for fertile women of all ages. While chromosomal abnormalities are more likely with older women, most children born with Down syndrome are born to women under age 35.

You Will Have a High-Risk Pregnancy

An older body is less tolerant of the demands of pregnancy, and so it is standard procedure for medical professionals to inform mature expectant mothers of the risks they face like hypertension.

Truth: Pregnant women of all ages will be at risk for complications if they have existing health conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney disease and obesity. So, it is not just for older women. Yet, if a healthy woman has become pregnant for the first time after age 35, then she needs to realise her body may or may not ‘go with the flow.’ She is more likely to have a cesarean section delivery, prolonged labour, among other things. Unlike teens (who are also high-risk during pregnancy), a first time mom aged 35 or older, is more likely to be well-educated and have better finances. As such, she is more likely to make better preparations for pregnancy, gain access to higher quality healthcare and make better health-supporting lifestyle choices.

Myths will always abound, and statistics can be deeply flawed. For women 35 years and older, the key is to be strategic when trying to conceive by tracking their cycles and timing intercourse for when they ovulate. Then throughout pregnancy, they need to practice self-care to help the body manoeuvre the 9-month transformation including any negativity they face for being over 35.

Запись Have We Been Conditioned to Panic? 3 Myths About Pregnancy Over 35 Debunked впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

When you hear the term “crack baby, ” you might picture the movie Losing Isaiah with the screaming baby suffering due to his mother’s drug habit.

He was the classic crack baby: disruptive, troubled, and fictional.

Crack babies aren’t a real thing

Yes, some children were exposed in utero to cocaine, but there is no scientific literature to support the theory of the troubled crack baby.

The story of the crack baby myth is one based in racism, classism, politics, and ratings. It began with a doctor who thought that babies exposed to cocaine were suffering unique, extreme effects that would only increase as the children aged. His report was ratings gold.

Doctors at the time questioned the existence

There were doctors who disagreed with the crack baby label and attempted to dispel the myth. Dr. Clare Coles had noted that many of the signs of a crack baby were normal behaviors for premature babies. Yet her rebuttal didn’t make good news.

“Coles’ findings were ignored, however, because they didn’t fit into cultural stereotypes and failed to feed the media narrative. Reporters railed about an estimated $5 billion annual strain on the government, and everyone got extremely worked up because the concept of the “crack baby” plays into sadly familiar ideas of race and class. Since crack was relatively inexpensive and far more prevalent in poor areas, it was convenient to use this fear to justify classist and racist rhetoric (i.e., “poor, black neighborhoods bring their problems onto themselves and cost the rest of us by doing so”), ” Callie Beusman wrote in the article Good News: 1980s ‘Crack Babies’ Epidemic Was Hugely Overblown.

In an interview to the New York Times, Coles said, “There are certain ideas that people want to believe that really fit in with cultural stereotypes, and it’s hard to get rid of those.”

The crack mother was the worst welfare fear

In her book Living Color: Race and Television in the United States, Sarah Torres, a professor of information and media studies, explains the racism behind the media storm: “As a composite “she-devil, ” the crack mother takes the image of the welfare mother, so prominent in the demonology of Reaganism, and fuses it with the sexually aggressive Jezebel. […] A particularly menacing image of fertility, the crack mother personifies an out-of-control black sexuality.”

Torres references quotes from leaders at the time such as Rep. George Miller of the Select Committee on Children who said, “We’re going to have these children, who are the most expensive babies ever born in America, are going to overwhelm every social service delivery system that they come in contact with through the rest of their lives.”

Similarly, a Florida juvenile court judge William Gladstone said, “These kids have enormous, physical problems, mental problems. They will go into a system that is woefully inadequate, woefully underfunded. They’ll grow up to be tomorrow’s delinquents.”

These children weren’t seen as medically frail victims, instead they were presented as a future criminals.

What the research really says about crack babies

The fears about these children were unfounded as current research shows that “[a]lmost every prenatal complication originally thought to be due directly to [prenatal cocaine exposure] was found to result from confounding factors such as poor maternal nutrition, use of other drugs, depression, and lack of prenatal care.”

The studies are not condoning cocaine use. Instead, they found that the actual health impacts are limited, and the children outgrow them.

Poverty and the “crack baby” label hurt the children more

Some researchers think that the low expectations of being a “crack baby” did the most damage. As Michael Lewis, a professor of pediatrics and psychiatry, explained to the New York Times:
“in a doctor’s office or a classroom, ‘you cannot tell’ which children were exposed to cocaine before birth.

That report goes on to say that poverty related factors were much more damaging on children’s intellectual and emotional development. Researchers have also found that being labeled as a crack baby negatively impacted the children as they were stigmatized with every physical or behavioral problem being too quickly associated to the lost cause of being a crack baby.

The problem was discussed in an NPR interview with Dr. Hallam Hurt, neonatologist and professor of pediatrics:

Host Michel Martin: Do you worry, though, that a whole generation of kids [..] was written off essentially because people believed that they weren’t capable of very much? I wonder if you ever think that maybe more kids could’ve achieved at a higher level, if people had not been so quick to believe that they couldn’t do anything.

Dr. Hallam Hurt: I absolutely believe that. And I think that one of the most deleterious things is when a child might have been identified as quote, that pejorative term, crack kid, in school. And often they were written off.

These children were most definitely victims though the culprits turned out to be more complicated than drug abuse.

Had you heard this updated information? Are you surprised?

Запись New Studies Show the “Crack Baby” Was a Media Myth Designed to Frighten Whites and Criminalize Black Children впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

http://www.cincinnatibirthphotography.com/

When I delivered my daughter nearly four years ago, I planned on having a natural home birth. I had spent the majority of my pregnancy educating myself about the business of childbirth. I had a low-risk pregnancy and knew I wanted low-intervention childbirth for myself and my baby. But my daughter had other plans!

I was completely unprepared to end up in the hospital having an emergency Cesarean section. I quickly became part of an alarming statistic. According to the U.S. Census, Black women have higher rates of C-sections (35.9%) than their White and Latina counterparts. I felt too vulnerable to challenge doctors and nurses who assumed bullying, condescending tones to badger me into procedures. I was made to feel I could not trust my wishes or my body, in the face of their expertise.

Unfortunately, my experience was not unique. Jamilla Webb, a nurse and doula based in New Orleans, believes stereotyping is a stigma many pregnant Black women face. “Black women are looked down upon when it comes to our sexual health, ” she said. “Often, providers will treat you as if you don’t matter, as if you are uneducated.”

I am fortunate two other women in my delivery room (my mother, a health professional; and my aunt, a certified nurse midwife) became my voice when I could not speak. Their help was invaluable. I have been determined ever since to learn ways Black women can advocate for themselves in pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum care. But if they need help doing so, like I did, what resources are available?

Although birth can seem like a one-woman sport, every woman can benefit from having a support team. One essential person in that group can be a doula, a nonmedical professional who provides physical and emotional support before, during, and after childbirth. Technically, a woman’s obstetrician or midwife should be considered as part of that team as well. But it can be difficult to have a positive birth experience with a medical professional who is at odds with your wishes as a patient.

Webb advises taking action sooner rather than later if you do not feel comfortable with someone on your birth team prior to going into labor.  “If you see someone who is not being a good team member, ” she says, “it’s time to open up the draft and start looking for someone else to help you win the game of health and of having a positive birth experience.”

Expectant mothers should definitely use the Internet to their advantage when looking for resources for pregnancy and beyond. Nicole Deggins, a certified nurse midwife with over 20 years of experience, founded SistaMidwife.com to give Black women a starting point in finding support for empowering childbirth experiences. The site provides a directory for doula services across the country, in addition to offering “education and training through teleconferences, webinars, keynotes and live workshops.”

The International Center for Traditional Childbearing is a midwifery and doula training organization that also hosts a treasure trove of resources on infant mortality, Black midwifery, and breastfeeding support on its website.

Ultimately, Black mothers need to know they have rights during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum care. If you are unable to build a network of support, there are still ways you can advocate for yourself. Self-education is a powerful tool. Deggins suggests that women exercise their rights to informed refusal, to delay or decline unwanted procedures, or to ask medical providers if there is cause for concern if they have misgivings about consenting to a procedure.

If mothers need to inform authorities about improper treatment by a healthcare professional, they may contact their hospital’s ombudsman to make a complaint. Evidenced-based birth organization Improving Birth provides an excellent guide on how to file complaints.

The birth of our precious babies should not be cause to worry about mistreatment. But community support is invaluable in arming women with the resources it takes to get their voices heard. It not only takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a village to safely deliver them, too.

Did you have (or will you have) a birth support advocate during pregnancy and delivery?

Запись It Takes a Village: Resources for Black Moms to Advocate for Healthy Childbirth впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I never thought that after already being blessed with four children my body would carry twins. When I went for my first prenatal check up I was so surprised yet giddy when I got the news. I always entertained the thought of having twins, but never thought it would actually happen. But once I got off my excitement high, and acknowledged this blessing from God, the reality hit! I had so many questions, and encountered many things that I really just wasn’t prepared for.

People reaction’s are always nerve racking to me. Once we found out we were pregnant, I was ready to shoot down the negative comments that were certain to come my way. We have four now, and those four alone generate so many judgmental opinions. But once family, friends, and strangers learned two more were on the way…hmmmmm… Let’s just say I had to really go into some major praying. For the most part strangers were more encouraging than close relatives. My kids got a kick out of letting everyone know that “mommy has two babies inside of her!” I had to ask them why they kept telling everyone. Their response was, “because we love when their mouth opens wide and their eyes get real big.”

Morning sickness for the first three months — which was double the sickness I had from carrying one. House work and taking care of the kids have all been pushed on my husband. Headaches felt like my head was burning. There were times I could not get out of bed, or I’d have to stay in a room with no lights on. I had to eat literally every hour on the hour or who knows what would come out of my mouth. Now it’s every two hours. Oh and I spit all day everyday! If you live here in Portland you would see me either with a plastic cup in my hand, a bottle of water to keep the spit down or me going off to the side to spit in the street somewhere. It’s so embarrassing but what’s worse is trying to hold a conversation with someone with a mouth full of saliva because I have no where to spit. My husband and kids cannot stand it because while Im trying to talk to them they have to run and get my bucket and ask me to start all over again. For those that haven’t heard of this, it’s called Ptyalism. You can read more about it here.

My doctor appointments have been challenging because now that all four kids are home for the summer, my husband has to take off time from work or we have to ask someone to babysit. Being pregnant with twins is considered “high risk” and my past experience with stillbirth means I am being monitored even more during this pregnancy. I have to do more ultrasounds than I want to so the doctors can make sure the babies are growing and getting their proper nutrients. I really wanted to go with a midwife and experience a natural child birth, but many midwives here in Portland won’t touch a twin pregnancy, or I’m not comfortable with their level of experience.

Figuring out who will watch the kids when I go into labor has been major for me because I really don’t have the same support out here that I had back at home. And not everyone is game to watch four kids all at one time. One night/day to watch all four might not be a problem, but three days/nights in a row can be. Splitting them up is not an option for me, but God is a miracle worker and He has never let us down, so my husband and I will continue to pray and see what happens.

A larger vehicle was recently purchase due to our growing family. We had a 7 passenger van but with two more on the way, making a total of 8 of us, we had to upgrade to an 8 passenger truck. If we have any more babies we will have to get a mini school bus…YIKES!!!!

I’ve slowed me down a lot. My husband has taken most of those responsibilities off my hands and Lord knows I am so grateful. But for the most part I take it one day at a time and often have to explain to the kids they can be a big help to mommy by listening and being patient as I take longer than usual to do my normal activities and tasks. They actually are making this pregnancy go fast because they keep me so busy and distracted from it. But there are times when I get so out of breath that I can’t finish my sentences. ? But it’s will all be worth it once we meet and welcome our twins!

Kim is the author of  where she discovers what it means to be a woman of GOD, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and entrepreneur. You can follow her on Twitter @Reboryn.

Запись I’m Pregnant With Twins and Raising 4 Young Children — The Challenges and the Joys впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

But I didn’t give up! On my next pregnancy I was determined to be comfortable and look and feel presentable. Plus, at that point, I’d gotten rid of all my maternity clothes and decided not to buy new ones, so I had to find an alternatives.

Here’s what I came up with;

1. Stretchy tank tops with cardigans and jackets
I started by wearing my stretchy tank tops from Forever 21. The prices are fairly reasonable and the quality of the clothing is not bad. My shirt size has always been medium. Once I started growing in the belly area I moved up a shirt size to large so my shirts could stretch with my belly. I would then wear a light cardigan or cropped jacket over my tank or cami.

2. Bottoms that fall below the waist length
For bottoms I wore anything stretchy that fell below the waist line. I love Forever 21’s thick long leggings for the Fall and Winter months, and their light capri leggings for Summer.

3. Only buy clothes that have at least 5% spandex
If you’re buying clothes made out of cotton or jersey knit fabric make sure they are at least 5% spandex, and go one size up so they will grow with your belly. Another benefit of spandex is that it will shrink back down so you can wear the clothes after your pregnancy.

4. Flowy dresses
Anything that was flowy and gave me room to move around worked for me.

Taking this new route in maternity wear has helped me tremendously with my confidence in being pregnant. Here are some pictures below of my current pregnancy as to date.

Запись 5 Ways to Dress for Pregnancy Without Buying Expensive Maternity Clothes впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Hello Mommies!

Today I’d love to hear how your pregnancies came about!

My pregnancy was a super surprise! My husband and I had only been married for about 18 months, and were coming off of a very difficult financial time. The plan was to enjoy our new financial stability and ‘live selfishly’ for a while before becoming parents. We talked about our ‘5 year plan’ and decided that my 29th birthday would be a good time to start ‘trying’ for kids. Imagine my surprise when, at age 26, I found out that I was pregnant.

To be totally honest, I was kind of devastated by it. Life had been so hard for us, and we were finally catching a break, and I felt like that having a child would plunge us right back into ‘hard living’. When I went for my first prenatal appointment, I confessed my fears to the midwife. She was very compassionate and non judgmental. She presented termination of pregnancy as an option. But she also told me to consider two things; firstly, that roughly 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned, and secondly, that humans are resilient, and always find ways to survive and thrive.

Her words changed my perspective, and I realized that I could take on the challenge of being a mother — for the sake of my unborn child. I’m about a year in to being a mom, and it is very tough, but I’m glad that I gave my son the gift of life. I’ve also been delighted to discover that his arrival hasn’t compromised the quality of my life, but enhanced it. I’ve become more professionally focused and emotionally mature. I’ve put renewed effort into building my home and strengthening my marriage, and I’ve ended many unhealthy relationships. I don’t think I would have done any of that (or at least not as quickly) had I not been anticipating the arrival of a child!

Alright ladies, what about you? Were your pregnancies planned or a surprise? And if you had a surprise pregnancy, what made you decide to go through with it?

Запись Was Your Pregnancy Planned or a Surprise? впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

1. Are you scared?
Of what? Of the dark? Yeah a little. I never quite outgrew that. When I have to sleep alone, I totally don’t dim the lights the whole way. Oh of becoming a parent? Scared is not the word. I’m excited, but I’m aware there will be a lot of challenges and frustrations, but I expect more positives than negatives, so I’m choosing to focus on the positives. Oh, scared of labor? No, the baby has to come out. I knew this before I decided to get pregnant. Oh not of labor in general but of the pain? No, should I be? I mean does being scared and fixated on an unknown amount of pain make it better cause to me that seems like that sort of focus would make it worse.

2. Your feet!
Yes, those are my feet. Yes, they are swollen. No, they aren’t that bad. Yes, I’m ready for them not to be swollen. Let’s keep going around stating the obvious some more. My belly is round. My skin is brown. I still can sure enough get down.

3. You must be miserable.
Well I do live in a town I’m ready to leave and I am working just a job instead of the career I went to school for. And my husband is still working on a PhD that I thought would be over by now, and I did have two of my chickens die in the last year and I’m sad every time I look at my flock because there seems to be too few, but am I miserable? Oh you mean about being pregnant? No, I’m not miserable. Yes I’m heavier than I’ve ever been, but I’m carrying a full-term baby and all the things that have sustained his life for the last 37 weeks. That’s not misery; that’s amazing. Sure I can’t sleep how I want, and I’m too slow and heavy to work out like I normally would, but I’m pregnant. I expected my body and my life to change as part of the process. I also recognize it’s a process with an end date. It’s not forever. Discomfort is part of being pregnant, but I haven’t been miserable. I’ve been pregnant, and it’s a temporary condition.

4. Home birth weirds me out. I mean I know people have had babies for centuries without hospitals but…
Elective c-sections weird me out. Inductions weird me out. Nurseries that separate babies from moms weird me out. IVs weird me out. Only being allowed ice chips weirds me out. The idea of taking drugs that could prolong my labor, drop my baby’s heart rate, and do a number of known and established side effects weird me out. Strangers coming and going who have a lot of other people to take care of and work in an assembly line manner weird me out. I know our birthing choice isn’t the most popular right now, but I’m never quite sure what people want from me when they say this. Do they want me to convince them? Honestly, I have no interest in that just as I have no interest in being convinced I need to give birth in a hospital. I assume most people are as informed and educated as they choose to be about their birth process, and they have chosen what works best for them and their family. I don’t know why people don’t assume the same for us.

5. You’re not going to make it.
It always seemed like the “you’re not going to make it comments” were about my petite stature. Well surprise, a 5-foot-1-and-a-half-inch-tall woman who didn’t weigh enough to give blood can take a pregnancy to term. Being short and fit does not mean my body is incapable.

6. You’re still at work?
Yes, still am. I will be at work until I can no longer work. Unfortunately maternity leave benefits at least at MSU are not as generous as people think, and since I am the breadwinner married to a graduate student on a stipend, we don’t have the financial luxury to take copious amounts of time off. I’m often told I should be at home resting, but when I say, “Sure I’ll do that if you’ll pay my bills” no one takes me up on the offer. Besides I feel fine. I’d rather be at work getting more done right now. It passes the time, and I get paid and continue to earn leave I’ll need to be able to take off time to stay with my baby once he’s here.

7. You’re still pregnant?
I’m only 37/38 weeks. Yes, I’m still pregnant. No, my doctor hasn’t told me when he’ll induce. See #4. Yes, I’m ok. See #3. No reason to stop by and ask me every day if I’m still pregnant. If my light is on and my door is open and I’m at my desk working, then yes, I’m still pregnant.

8. Is that safe for you to be doing?
If I didn’t think it were safe, why would I be doing it? Oh, what they’re saying is they don’t think I should be doing this. This usually relates to some physical activity like yoga or even traveling earlier on in the pregnancy. I must have missed the memo that I was supposed to sit on my rump for 40 weeks and watch TV. Life shouldn’t end with pregnancy. Labor is a physical activity. I plan on living my life and staying physical while listening to my body to know my limits.

9. I wish I got 12 weeks of paid leave to sit at home.
Me too, but I don’t. I get 12 weeks where my employer can’t fire me because I’ve had a baby and I’m not at work. If I want to get paid for that time, I have to have saved up leave I’ve earned at the same rate as all other employees. Oddly enough, I’m familiar with the procedure and forms because it’s the exact same coverage I got for when I got mono a few years ago. Don’t worry, no special treatment of pregnant women here. Also even men have access to FMLA which is for more than just the birth of a child.

10. You look like you’re about to pop / you’re so tiny.
Being pregnant has made me more aware than ever that everyone sees the world through his own filter, and quite often that filter is based on their own prior experiences. This week at the grocery store one person told me I looked like I was about to pop and literally a few minutes later someone expressed shock I was as far along as I was because I was just so tiny. What am I, stuck in Goldilocks? Too big, too small, too hot, too cold, naw, I’m pretty sure I’m just right for this pregnancy. I look like what I look like at this point in the pregnancy.

Ladies, do you agree? What would you add to the list?

Alicia has been known to add chia and flax seed meal to brownies, so she can eat them guilt free. Besides teaching her one-year-old son to use gentle hands with their two dogs, two rabbits, flock of chickens, and one foster cat for a friend serving in the Peace Corps, she mostly spends too much time on the internet.

Запись 10 Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.