Was Your Pregnancy Planned or a Surprise?


*This post originally went up in September. I’m re-posting because it’s a great discussion I’d love to continue!*

Hello Mommies!

Today I’d love to hear how your pregnancies came about!

My pregnancy was a super surprise! My husband and I had only been married for about 18 months, and were coming off of a very difficult financial time. The plan was to enjoy our new financial stability and ‘live selfishly’ for a while before becoming parents. We talked about our ‘5 year plan’ and decided that my 29th birthday would be a good time to start ‘trying’ for kids. Imagine my surprise when, at age 26, I found out that I was pregnant.

To be totally honest, I was kind of devastated by it. Life had been so hard for us, and we were finally catching a break, and I felt like that having a child would plunge us right back into ‘hard living’. When I went for my first prenatal appointment, I confessed my fears to the midwife. She was very compassionate and non judgmental. She presented termination of pregnancy as an option. But she also told me to consider two things; firstly, that roughly 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned, and secondly, that humans are resilient, and always find ways to survive and thrive.

Her words changed my perspective, and I realized that I could take on the challenge of being a mother — for the sake of my unborn child. I’m about a year in to being a mom, and it is very tough, but I’m glad that I gave my son the gift of life. I’ve also been delighted to discover that his arrival hasn’t compromised the quality of my life, but enhanced it. I’ve become more professionally focused and emotionally mature. I’ve put renewed effort into building my home and strengthening my marriage, and I’ve ended many unhealthy relationships. I don’t think I would have done any of that (or at least not as quickly) had I not been anticipating the arrival of a child!

Alright ladies, what about you? Were your pregnancies planned or a surprise? And if you had a surprise pregnancy, what made you decide to go through with it?

Leila

About Leila

Leila is the founding editor of Baby and Blog. She splits her time between editing hair and culture site, Black Girl with Long Hair, whipping up butters at BGLH Marketplace, and writing here. She adores her husband and two kids, her parents and her friends. But she hates Chicago weather although she is slowly coming to peace with it...


  • Alisa

    My pregnancy was not planned at all! Of course though, it was in His plan. I decided to “go through with it” because I don’t believe in or support abortion(which I believe is murder), nor could I imagine giving up my son for adoption. I was an unemployed college dropout, but having my son motivated me to go back to school to further my education and work.

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  • Zoopath

    Our daughter was definitely planned. My husband and I both had fertility issues but our RE was able to get us pregnant without ivf or iui. We were very grateful because health insurance in our state isn’t required to cover fertility treatments.

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  • Niki

    This pregnancy was unplanned. Like the first commenter, it is His plan. After our daughter the doctor told my husband I couldn’t have anymore. Not sure why as I was still out of it from having a second csection. After 3 years of praying and trying, I gave up trying especially when I started to get angry that others were getting pregnant left and right it seemed.
    Just when I had become comfortable with not having more children, we found out I was pregnant. Needless to say I wasn’t happy. I was very angry because I thought God was playing a cruel trick on me. Here I had prayed to no end, given up thinking He was saying no for a reason and now springing this on me.
    Once I got myself together and we had a long talk, I’ve been scared all over again. I’m in my third trimester and so ready.
    My older two are ready for this child to come now.

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    • Niki

      Wow. This definitely mirrors my pregnancy. I was angry. I was also very stressed. Just too much going on at the time. Needless to say God had other plans. He’s now a very healthy 7 month old.

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  • Regina

    My first pregnancy was planned, second, not exactly. We’d already agreed that we wanted at least 2 children, but enormous difficulties with birth control while breastfeeding threw my dependable cycles (& predictable fertility) out of whack. So, surprise, surprise, number 2 was on the way ahead of schedule.
    It took the entire 1st trimester for me to believe that I was pregnant, and to accept it. It hasn’t helped that this pregnancy has been much more physically difficult than my first.
    But we count ourselves fortunate. We have too many friends & colleagues who’ve battled infertility & repeated miscarriages for us to get bent out of shape over a change in our schedule.
    Im still having trouble bonding with this little one – it was a shock to see the little embryo in the 1st sonogram – I actually thought, “what are you doing there? That’s (my daughter’s) place!”
    But, I think once we know the gender & can start seriously discussing names, it will become more real for us.
    We’re happy, it’s just taken some time to get over the surprise.

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  • Paula-Cheri

    My pregnancy was totally unplanned. But it did not take me by surprise. My cycles were usually very regular. So the week before my expected mensies, when my PMS symptoms were noticeably absent, I knew!
    Needless to say, I was very scared. I am a young, unmarried little lady, just finishing my first degree, with plans to see the world and live like all young single women do. Instead, there I was in my bedroom staring at a positive pregnancy test. Once I got over the initial shock and learned that I had the full support of my family, most importantly my mom, I firmly decided I was going to have my baby and him and I will see the world together. I enjoyed my pregnancy to the max. Loving motherhood even more!

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  • Fallon

    My pregnancy was not planned at all! My boyfriend of 6 years and I were on a “break” and our relationship was on the fritz. One very drunken night changed our lives forever. I was scared that having a baby would make things worse and that I would be a single mom. I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life and frankly I didn’t want to be a mom. After hearing his heartbeat for the first time at 7 weeks my mind changed completely. I didn’t care about anything but the little human that was brewing in my tummy. I made a promise to God and my unborn that I would to everything in my power to be the best mommy I could be. Everything that I was scared about God made better and I never regret my decision to keep my baby. He made us realize how much we loved each other. 🙂

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  • http://gravatar.com/jesusinthecity777 jesusinthecity777

    Both of my pregnancies were surprises, and today, with a 26 month old and a 3 month old, I can say, they were the best, most amazing surprises I ever could have imagined… Above and beyond anything I could have asked for, hoped for or dreamed of!

    We found out we were pregnant with my daughter barely two months into our marriage. It was a huge shock because we had waited until we were married to have sex and ever since the wedding night I thought I was using the rhythm method for birth control… Well, a few weeks in, I looked up “rhythm method” online and I’d messed up the method 🙁 I texted my husband the news while he was at work and a month later, we found out we were pregnant!

    My husband was in absolut shock and me too, sort of. We had just gotten married, moved in together, lived in a tiny studio apartment, my husband was traveling for work 80% of the time and we were fighting ALL the time! It was very scary, for both of us! But, having had two abortions before I became a Christian, I knew that was not an option now and we would just have to trust that God knew what He was doing. I think back now to what it would be like to also have an 11 year old and 7 year old and it makes me sad if I dwell on it, which I don’t tend to, but I know that I can’t change the decisions I’ve made in the past and that God has so graciously given me a new life and two, beautiful new babies, and that’s what I focus on!

    My son was also a surprise, but we were excited when we found out about him. My daughter was 16 months old at the time and we had been talking about having another one. It turned out, God granted us our desire and they are the perfect space apart in age that I really wanted them to be. It was a very tough pregnancy because he was a big baby and crazy active and I had a lot of extra water in my belly so it was heavy and uncomfortable, but now that he is here, he is my precious little angel number 2, and I feel so blessed to have such gorgeous, healthy, smart, fun children!

    God is GREAT and I honestly, have had two of the worst childbirth experiences ever, but I truly can’t wait to have more children because children are a blessing and I love the woman that motherhood is molding me to be! All glory to God and yes, He really does know what He’s doing, haha 🙂

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  • Sundi

    I think I would say that all of my children were surprises. With my first child, my husband and I took the approach of whatever happens, happens. For some reason I thought it would take me a while to get pregnant, at least 6 months or so, but I got pregnant a month after getting married. I was surprised it happened that fast, but I knew we weren’t doing anything to prevent it, so it wasn’t a complete surprise.

    With my second, I suspected I was pregnant, because we had an oops moment, but I dearly hoped that I wasn’t, because my son was 3 months old. I just thought it was too soon for another one, but I became really excited after I found out I was having a little girl!

    My third was the only child that was a complete surprise. I was totally shocked when I got pregnant with her. Completely! The funny thing is that I was actually starting to want another baby at that time, but we definitely weren’t trying, I was just THINKING about trying for another.

    After my third, I felt that having three children was absolutely perfect. I had two girls and a boy, and I was sooooo content and happy!! Like, I was literally on cloud nine. I had just had a vaginal birth, and was glad to have had that experience, and I felt that our family was pretty much complete. I always said I wanted four children, but three felt perfect to me, and I didn’t think I wanted any more.

    So, when my number three was three months old, we had another oops moment. I hoped that I wasn’t pregnant, but I found out I was. My fourth pregnancy was the hardest to be happy about. I was so happy with having three children. The ages were good. I was so happy with my new baby, and the thought of another one made me so depressed. All I could think of was, I’m going to have another set of kids a year a part, this time with other kids to care for. I didn’t think I could handle it. I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to dote on my third the way I wanted to, because my time would be divided. I was totally in the slumps.

    But, here I am, my number four is 13 months old, and oh. my. gosh. I love that little boy to pieces!! I am soooooo glad that he’s here. We all just love him to pieces. I look at him all the time, and say, “I’m so glad that you’re here!” It’s amazing how you can be so depressed during your pregnancy at the thought of another baby, but once they get here you can’t imagine your life without them. I realize that I’ve written a book here, so forgive me. But, honestly, children are such a blessing, even when they’re surprises. Now, it is definitely harder to balance for me, having four children, but the joys absolutely outweigh the hardships! I’m so thankful for each and every one of my little ones.

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