1. Ruby Rails

Just the other day, my daughter told me that Ruby Rails is her favorite doll, so I had to list her first.  I must admit I love her too.  She is the first Black action figure doll that I have seen.  She is also a coder, and she comes with a parachute pack that allows girls to learn about engineering and aerodynamics while playing with her.

2.Healthy Roots

I love everything about this company which was started by a young design student who created the dolls and a children’s book to teach girls how to take care of their hair.   The dolls are available for pre-order.

3. Naturally Perfect Dolls

The line of dolls was created by  two parents who saw the need for their daughters to have a dolls with natural hair.  These dolls come in four shades of brown but the unique thing about this dolls is that they have “hair you can style/wash as natural hair.”

4. Ntomb’entle Dolls

In Zulu, Ntomb’entle means beautiful girl.  The Ntomb’entle dolls were created by Molemo Kgomo so that her daughter could relate to a beautiful Black South African doll.  I love that these dolls all have short hair.  It seems that although many dolls and books aim to teach girls about the beauty of their natural texture, very few encourage girls to embrace short hair.  These dolls are a perfect example of beautiful dolls that don’t have hair flowing down their backs.

5. Pretty Brown Girl

More than a doll, Pretty Brown Girl is a movement to teach girls to follow their dreams.  The doll was created by a mother who had a bad experience in an American Girl store.  In addition to the doll there are Pretty Brown Girl clubs as well as an after school program and an annual Pretty Brown Girl Day.

6. Queens of Africa

Based in Nigeria, this doll company creates dolls that embrace Nigerian culture and Black fashion and beauty.  The dolls also have story books and music that aim to empower girls of African descent.  The dolls come with Nigerian names from the three major ethnic groups in Nigeria.

7. OffDHookCreations

For anyone who is looking for a customized doll, please check out OffDHookCreations on ETSY.  I learned about these beautiful dolls from following the Instagram page of the same name.

8. Brown Eyed Dolls

Brown Eyed Dolls is a toy company that produces “dolls with wonderful curly, kinky hair, dolls with deep dark gorgeous skin tones and dolls with lighter skin tones.”

9. Ikuzi Dolls

The creator of Ikuzi Dolls,  Ozi Okaro has two daughters with different skin tones.  She was inspired by her daughters and her own experience growing up with a lack of dolls that represented her own beauty.

10. I’m a Pretty Little Black Girl

This doll comes from the main character of the children’s book that comes from the same name.

11. EthiDolls

“EthiDolls was founded on the idea that strong, smart & confident girls need relevant role models that are reflections of themselves.” The line of dolls is inspired by African real life women leaders from history such as Queen Mother Yaa Asantewa and other African royalty.  The dolls come with story books and an audio CD that teaches them history.

12. Hearts for Hearts-Rachel

Hearts for Hearts is a company that makes dolls that represent various nations around the world. Rachel is from Ethiopia.  She comes in two different outfits and has beautiful curly hair.

Moms, what are your favorite Black dolls?

Запись 11 Beautiful Black Dolls Beyond Barbie and Doc McStuffins впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

NYTimes.com

“I am not as smart as the other kids.” 

That’s what the child told her mother.

“There is nothing that infuriates me more than when you don’t do what’s on your paper!”

That’s what the teacher Ms. Dial told the child as she struggled with a math problem.

In 2014 a concerned teaching assistant secretly recorded the following video of Ms. Dial reacting to a student’s incorrect answer. In the video, we see young students sitting quietly while Ms. Dial asks a student to count something again. The young girl is sitting adjacent to Ms. Dial. There is a slight pause when Ms. Dial asks her to count it again. Then we hear Ms. Dial say, “count” in a very strong serious tone. On the floor, we see yellow blocks. The young girl counts, but Ms. Dial rips up her paper and throws it at her. The child sits quietly with her hands folded. Ms. Dial then directs her to go to the calm down chair and sit. As the girl walks to the chair, Ms. Dial crosses out something on the board. Ms. Dial then asks other students to demonstrate how to count correctly. Multiple hands go up, and one student volunteers to count correctly.

As I have watched this video multiple times, I have had many concerns.

Concern number one: Confidence

As I listen to the interaction between Ms. Dial and the young girl, my heart goes out to the girl. I feel especially worried about her confidence both in math and in life will be impacted by this type of treatment.

Nadya Miranda, the girl’s mother said, “It makes me feel bad as a parent — like, what am I going to do to build her confidence all over again?” A HONY story comes to mind. In the post, a grandfather says, “His grandmother and I are raising him. I worry about putting him into the public school system. I was a teacher for many years. I’ve seen so much confidence destroyed by the standardized system.”

Giving children a sense of confidence is so key. It affects every aspect of their life, not just academics. Situations like these can tear down and rip holes into a child’s self-esteem. As mothers, we have to work extra hard to instill a sense of confidence in our children because there are so many forces in the world that are ready to tear them down.

Concern number two: The right answer

Teachers and parents must be aware of what I call “the right answer” syndrome. Salman Khan, creator of Khan Academy explains how researchers have “found that neural connections form and deepen most when we make mistakes doing difficult tasks rather than repeatedly having success with easy ones.” In the video, and most likely in daily practice, students are only praised if they get the right answer. What would have worked better is if the teacher had assisted the student in the process of how to work out the problem, instead Ms. Dial punished her for getting the wrong answer.

Concern three: Teacher stress

Teaching is a stressful job that requires a lot of patience. From the short video, it seems that the teacher is very frustrated and is taking it out on the kids. In a press conference given by Success Academy, parents and staff members offer up support for Ms. Dial. Parents and teachers noted that often teachers have 11 hours days, put in extra time at home to prepare lesson plans, and make tremendous sacrifices in terms of time and energy, all so that their students can be successful. However, no one seemed to be connecting the dots that all of those factors contribute to a stressed out person that is more likely to be abusive with language. Teachers need stress management. Schools put a tremendous amount of pressure on teachers, and many teachers operate out of stress. No teacher should be this stressed out when explaining a simple math problem.

Concern four: Parent-Teacher relationship

It is imperative that parents know about what is going on in the classroom and have a strong relationship with their child’s teacher. It is not enough to just know how well they did on a test, or how their academic achievement is progressing. The teacher should be able to comment on their personality changes, confidence in the classroom and motivation as well. These are critically important topics to discuss with the parent when a child is not meeting expectations, rather than berate a child.

Concern five: Parental Involvement

“She used to tell me: ‘I’m never going to get it. I just don’t know. I’m not as smart as the other kids, ’” Ms. Miranda said. “I would hear that from her, and I’d be like, ‘Where are you getting this from?’”

Then she saw the video, and she knew. If you hear your child doubting themselves academically, talk to their teacher and ask if the teacher has noticed the same behavior.  Consider the teacher your partner in educating your child. You need to have good communication and a clear understanding with your partner in order to obtain your goals.

During parent-teacher meetings, ask these questions. Then ask your children these same questions, and compare their answers. Be prepared to discuss concerning discrepancies with the teacher if need be.

This video captured a classroom gone wrong, but we can learn from it. Be proactive about having your child understand that they should respect but not be afraid of their teacher. Explain to your children what emotional abuse is, and let them know it is not ok for adults to abuse them this way.

Lastly, if we expect teachers and school staff members to treat our children with respect, we must model it at home so that they know what it looks like. Parents too must avoid lashing out over simple mistakes and instead should speak gently to our children.

Mothers, what is your reaction to the video?  Would you be ok with a teacher treating your child this way?

Запись 5 Reasons I’m Concerned By This Video of a White Teacher Berating a Black Female Student впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Before I continue I want to be clear that I’m speaking of baby dolls i.e. dolls meant to represent an infant. Not general stuffed animals and stuffed toys.

So why won’t I buy a baby doll for my daughter?

1. My daughter is a baby. I don’t believe she needs to play with a baby.

A heavily touted benefit of playing with baby dolls is the development of empathy and care. You pretend to feed, clothe, burp and comfort the baby. But I’m honestly not sure those are skills my daughter — who at 14 months old is a baby herself — really needs to learn. And honestly the concept of babies learning how to take care of babies has always struck me as a bit bizarre. I do want my daughter to be compassionate, but I believe she will learn that by receiving love and care. I trust she will learn how to be tender and affectionate with the people she loves because I am tender and affectionate with her.

2. There are better toys, in my opinion, for mental and emotional development.

Another touted benefit of dolls is their positive impact on development.

“Baby dolls offer kids lots of opportunities for developing their cognitive, fine motor, and self-help skills. Kids often find it easier to practice these skills on someone (or something) else before they can apply them to themselves.”

What about playing dress-up? I bought my son a firefighter’s outfit from Toys R’ Us and he enjoys putting it on and taking it off while running around the house pretending he’s fighting fires. When my daughter is old enough, I will provide her play clothing she can dress up in. Additionally, dress up skills can be practiced on anthropomorphic toys like stuffed animals, that aren’t actual baby dolls.

As for fine motor and cognitive skills, there are Duplos, wooden blocks, picture books, balls, train sets. So many toys that are mentally stimulating and fun to play with.

3. Baby dolls are incredibly gendered.

I’m acutely aware that baby dolls are marketed primarily to young girls. And that bothers me.

Studies show that toys associated with girls are more likely to be related to appearance and serving others, while those associated with boys are more likely to be related to building things and competition.

Also, the divide between “boy” toys and “girl” toys has gotten wider. In the 1970s, toys were actually less gendered than they are today, something experts attribute to a shift in marketing strategies. Meanwhile, a scientific study on primates suggests that the only real difference between the preferences of boys and girls is that boys like wheeled objects more than girls. That’s it.

Girls’ toys tend to center on just a few concepts — beauty, cooking, princess culture, house management and child care — while boys’ toys are more varied and intellectually robust. There are Legos for building, balls for kicking, trucks and cars for rolling, play animals for dramatizing. Boys’ toys set the stage for STEM skills and imaginative play in a way that girls’ toys don’t.

My Own Doll Test

Over Christmas my mother-in-law bought my daughter an adorable brown baby doll. It came with a pacifier, bottle and striped pajamas that could be taken on and off. Instead of putting it in her room, I kept it in the general play area where both my son and daughter could access it. Within a few weeks the doll had been largely forgotten, relegated to the bottom of our soft toy bin.

But why?

I believe it has to do with my second point. My daughter simply preferred other toys for her creative play.

My daughter can spend an hour flipping through board books, banging puzzle pieces together and stacking Duplos. These toys inspire creativity in her in a way baby dolls don’t.

Kids are Constantly Changing

I’m fully aware that, at some point, my son or daughter could develop a fascination with dolls. And I would have no issue providing them one to incorporate into their play. But until that happens I’m content to skip the doll aisle.

Mommies, what are your thoughts? Do you agree with me? Disagree? Share your thoughts below!

Запись Why I Won’t Buy My Daughter a Baby Doll Unless She Asks впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

“STEM refers to the subjects Science (e.g. biology, physics, chemistry), Technology (e.g. information systems, robotics, programming), Engineering (e.g. electrical, mechanical, chemical) and Mathematics (e.g. geometry, equations, logics).”

But, even as I continue to explore these fields of study, I have come to realise that the “E” in S.T.E.M. is much more than electrical engineering, mechanical engineering or even chemical engineering. In its most basic form, engineering is about problem-solving and creating or building. When we ask, imagine, design, create, test and improve on things, we are practicing engineering skills. So, whether my daughter decides to become an educator or a businesswoman, I think her successes in life will be maximised if she becomes comfortable and competent in engineering.

Since children learn through play during the preschool years, it helps if we’re more intentional about selecting and making toys that align with our priorities. If the infant years have passed you by and you’re now looking to expose your toddler to and encourage their interest in engineering, then the time to get specific is now! We can give our little ones a head start in problem-solving by giving them toys that get them building and designing.
Toys to Buy

To kickstart my gameplan, I got my 3-year-old a set of screw-assembly vehicles (she loves trains, fire engines and ambulances – LOL). The set included a motorcycle, jeep, car and train. They came with screws and bolts that hold their various parts together and a set of wrenches and screwdrivers to pull-apart and set up the vehicles. She randomly grabs any of the toys and will either pull them apart or set them up while waiting for dinner to be ready or getting her hair done. She sometimes struggles to figure it out, and we encourage her to start over or try again. Then once she gets efficient with pulling apart and putting together any of the vehicles, we swap it out with another one – to keep the challenge high. These are the kinds of toys more children should get to enjoy.

Some other types of toys that make great investments are:

1. Blocks

Foam, plastic or wooden. Alphabet, numbers or picture. All blocks are great. If you can get the kinds that can be mixed and matched to utilise all sides of the cube (with different info on each side) then you will score big, too.

2. Building Sets

The challenge is increased when your child has more than just cubes to express their imagination. Some sets include basic building bits like pillars, arches, columns, and triangles to create a small city. Legos and Duplos are great for this.

3. Construction Sets

Similar to building sets, but capable of more intricate designs and complex structures, constructions sets usually come with predesigned model illustrations that your child will try to replicate. They may create a spaceship or detailed city with highways and neighbourhoods.

4. Gears

Gears add the element of motion and vibrant colour to the design and building experience for your child. Your child will be able to see how the interlocking segments spin to complete tasks like vehicle transportation or moving creatures.

5. Robot Kits

Although you can go straight for full-on robotics, a great place to start with your little one is with a build-your-own robot kit. While the more popular kits feature vehicles like army tanks and cars as the final product, you can also find models which finish up as spiders or artmaking doodle-machines.

6. Jigsaw Puzzles

From basic 4-piece puzzles to those with hundreds or even thousands of pieces, these oddly-shaped pieces interlock to produce a complete picture. These toys are unassuming, since they engage both the right and left hemispheres of our brains, stimulating the development of both the logical and creative aspects of our child’s problem-solving skills.

7. Crystal Puzzles

I only learned about 3D or crystal puzzles recently. My mind was blown, when I found out children were putting together 3D models of castles or their favourite cartoon characters using transparent, interlocking jigsaw puzzle pieces. The genius about these toys is that the completed puzzle can then be displayed like any other decorative object in your child’s room of the living area of your home.

8. Twisty Puzzles

Many of us grew up playing with the world’s best-selling toy, Rubik’s Cubes, and now we know they give our brains a good workout. Improved hand-eye coordination, sharpened short-term memories, increased patience and longer attention spans are all benefits of challenging out little ones with twisty puzzles.

Toys to Build

While the market is flooded with toys we can buy to nurture our little engineers, us Mommies can get into the building practice too. If you want to try your hand at designing and building some toys for and with your little engineer, you could try some of the ones below.

9. Fractal Pattern Posters

My favourite way to use fractals (never-ending patterns of symmetry) is by decorating your home or just your child’s room or playspace with African or ankara fabric. But, if you’ve already got your décor locked, an online fractal generator can design many patterns with all the colours you like. Just print them out as flashcards or large posters for your child to gaze at.

10. Lacing Frames

As easy as punching holes into a cardboard frame or or remove the glass window from a picture frame.

11. Play Dough

With many simple recipes to choose from, you can make your own play dough or silly putty. Little ones can get lost in exploring textures and manipulating shapes and colours.

12. Button Snake

Threading a button through bits of fabric can be quite entertaining for your toddler. The repetition involved builds up fine motor skills and depending on how you vary the position of the slit in the bits of fabric, the challenge can be further increased. Of course a great benefit is your child being better able to dress himself ? .

13. Puzzle Blocks

A genius idea and so easy to make. You could use mini juice cartons wrapped in plain paper, cubes of foam or real wood blocks. The key is getting a nice rectangular image to cut into pieces for lining up when the blocks get stacked.

14. Cardboard Dropbox

My 3-year-old adores these. Her favourites have cut-outs on each side of the box. It is so exciting to watch her flip the dropbox from side to side trying to find the ‘hole’ that fits the shape she has in her hand.

15. Activity Boards

If you’re not much of a DIYer, an old control panel with knobs, switches, buttons, etc. will be just fine. But, a custom activity board can have latches, wheels, whitsles, buzzers, lights, etc. There are many examples online for inspiration.

16. Cardboard Construction Sets

Grab some rigid cardboard and cut it into shapes with slits and notches. Your little ones will have lots of fun connecting them in different shapes.

So, whether you choose to browse the shelves of your local stores to stock up on toys or you want to get in the middle of a pile of string, glue and safety knives, you can provide all the toys and games needed to encourage your little one to ask, imagine, design, create, test and improve on things. Maybe you will join in and become a better ‘engineer’ too ?

Запись 16 Toys That Encourage Engineering Skills in Kids впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

True Stories

1. Singing For Dr. King
A sweet story about two little girls who  make their mark in history by participating in the Civil Rights Movement.  This story will show young girls that they too can be involved in social movements.

2.  Celia Cruz, Queen of Salsa
I love Celia Cruz and I love her story.  Young Black girls from all around the world can look to the Queen of Salsa and be inspired to follow their passions despite facing discrimination and injustice.

3. Little Melba and Her Big Trombone
Melba Doretta Liston was a great jazz trombonist, musical arranger, and composer.  Most often when women in jazz are presented, it is as singers.  This beautifully illustrated picture book shows a talented and creative Black woman and her impact on jazz.

4. One Plastic Bag: Isatou Ceesay and the Recycling Women of the Gambia
I love how one woman created a solution to a problem in her community by turning plastic bags into purses!  This story shows girls that they can make an impact on your world in a creative way.

5. Mama Miti: Wangari Maathai and the Trees of Kenya
Women approach Mama Miti with all sorts of problems including hunger within the family, homelessness, and sick animals. Her answer to all of them is plant a tree.  A tree can grow food, be used to build a home, and provide herbs that heal.

6. Raising the Bar
Many young girls are inspired by Gabby Douglas. Even if you are not into gymnastics reading her story is empowering especially because she has made recent history.

7. Drum Dream Girl: How One Girl’s Courage Changed Music
When Millo Castro Zaldarriaga was a young girl, only men could drum.  However she did not let that stop her from pursuing her passion.  Set in Cuba, this story shows young girls that anything is possible.

8. Talkin’ About Bessie: The Story of Aviator Elizabeth Coleman 
Let your daughter be empowered by this narrative about the first African American pilot.

Loving Your Natural Hair

9. I Love My Hair!
A beautiful story where a mother tells a child about her history, while embracing her natural hair texture.

10. Hair Like Mine Is One of a Kind
A wonderful short poem that teaches children to love their hair, regardless of the texture or length.

11. Kinky Hair is Queenly Hair
Poetic and historical, young girls are empowered by seeing themselves in the true accounts of Black women throughout history.

12. Bintou’s Braids
I love this story about a little girl who wants to have long braids, like the older women in her community.  She is taught by her elders to love and embrace the hair that she has right now.

13. Penny and the Magic Puffballs
Penny is dealing with peer pressure and the desire to have hair like her classmates.  Her mother teaches her to love her own hair by styling it in two “magic puff balls.”  Since reading this story, my two little girls have asked repeatedly for magic puff balls.

Black Girl Magic-Just Being Fabulously Black and a Girl
14. Keep Climbing, Girls
A wonderfully illustrated rendition of Beach E. Richards’ 1951 poem of the same name.  This story is about a girl who climbs trees, relentlessly, even after being told that girls don’t climb trees.  The story encourages girls to climb both physical and metaphorical obstacles.

15. Princess Truly in I Am Truly
Upbeat and fun poem about being great, starring a beautiful black girl with two puffs.

16. Beautiful Ballerina
The text in this book is minimal, but the images of black girls doing ballet are encouraging and inspiring.

17. I Got the Rhythm
A spunky, upbeat poem with lovely illustrations by Frank Morrison.

18. Queen of the Scene
This young lady cannot be stopped.  She is everything athletic,  everything confident, everything Black Girl Magic.

19. The Rain Stomper
I love this story and how it evokes poetic onomatopoeia. It is told through the eyes of a young girl whose parade has been canceled, but she marches anyway. The story shows how when one person lets their light shine, others will eventually see it and be inspired to shine as well.

20. The Girls In The Circle
Nikki Giovanni celebrates painting nails, having friends, and dressing up in mommy’s clothes.  This is a fun poem for black girls to celebrate each other.

21. Grace for President
A wonderful story to tell around election time. A girl questions why there haven’t been any woman presidents, and decides to run for president of her class.

22. Firebird
Through this poetic narrative Misty Copeland encourages a young girl to follow her dreams and overcome obstacles she can relate to.

23. The Bravest Girls In The World
Toshi overcomes her fears and learns to be brave when she is encouraged by a friend.

24. Dancing in the Wings
Based on Debbie Allen’s experience with dance, she tells a story about a girl who is told that she is not the typical dancer, because of her feet.

25.Come On, Rain!
It’s hot and raining, but that doesn’t stop this young girl from going out, exploring, and having fun.

26. Lola Loves Stories
This series of books about a girl named Lola and her family is really inspiring for preschool-aged girls. Lola creates stories, has adventures, and even teaches her brother to read.

27. Cheerleading Really Is a Sport
In this story, Alicia proves to her brother and classmates that cheerleaders work just as hard as athletes in other sports. It is a very short chapter book.

28. The Cat Food Mystery
A simple short reader in which a young black girl solves mysteries about animals.

29. The Lulu Series
There are six books in the series starring Lulu and her cousin Melly, rescuing animals and going on adventures.

30. One Word from Sophia
A cute book where a little girl learns about negotiation. It includes plenty of new vocabulary terms to help build fluency in young readers.

Запись 30 Children’s Books That Affirm and Empower Black Girls впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

“Why would I want to think about my daughter having sex in the future?”

That’s when I realized how pervasively men fear the thought of their daughters doing what grown folks do. Somehow, I am able to objectively look at my little girl and understand she will not always be so little. She will grow up and she will want to have sex. That thought does not frighten me. It’s a fact of life.

I’m not saying fathers need to picture the act. No. Please note I am also not talking about sexualizing our children. I am specifically referring to the avoidance of seeing daughters as full human beings. We prepare our girls for sexual activity by telling them not to engage in it, because we refuse to see it in healthy terms ourselves. We frame female sexuality in shame and negativity and male sexuality in terms of virility and positivity.

I have never heard any man say they hope their son grows up to have a small penis. However, I have often heard fathers say they hope their daughters do not develop large breasts or big butts. I remember when Kanye West said in his song “We Major, ” “Until you have a daughter / that’s what I call Karma / and you pray to God she don’t grow breasts too soon.” The natural maturation of a young girl into puberty is not “payback” for the sins of her father. A daughter’s sexuality is neither the shame nor burden of her father.

But I sought to answer my husband’s question as best I could. Why should a father want to consider that his daughter will have sex in the future?

In order for parents to steer their daughters into a balanced understanding of sexuality, we must broach sex not as a calamity to be avoided, but an eventuality to be prepared for. That means the jokes about sending her to a nunnery? They gotta go. We can encourage responsible sexual behavior, even religiously based behavior (i.e. abstinence until marriage) without shrouding sex in a cloud of dirtiness.

Our children take their cues about sex both from their parents and from their peers. Parents have to work overtime to counter the false narratives and myths about sex that kids inevitably share with each other. Girls whose fathers make chastity belt threats are not likely to approach their fathers for guidance about sex. Yes, Dads, there are decisions your daughters will need to make about having sex beyond just “Don’t have it until marriage.” Even though most fathers I know would be more than happy to delegate that conversation to Mom, girls still need fatherly input.

But this means you have to be mindful that your little girl will not always be so little. She will grow up and she may want to have sex. It’s a fact of life. There is nothing gross or disgusting about that simple fact. There is nothing shameful about her having breasts, a butt, or an attractive body. And furthermore, the negative mindset that we project on our daughters about sex will seldom prevent them from having it, anyway.

Dads, your daughters will become sexual human beings. Deal with it. She absolutely needs you to.

Запись Dear Dads: Your Daughter Will Grow Up to Have Sex. Deal With It. впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

While out on a New Year’s Eve run, I passed by a family loading up in their van.

Kids piled in quickly and a woman spoke harshly, “I’ve been calling you and calling you. I’ve been waiting here.”

Uh oh, I smiled to myself thinking of how frustrating it is when I’m ready to leave and my son is taking too long. I felt her pain as I came closer to their driveway then what I heard…

“You’re disrespectful.”

“You don’t listen.”

“This is why you’re never going to do anything.”

While I was able to keep running from those insults and curses, those children could not. My heart broke for them.

I was recently reading about the word gap, the phenomenon that lower income families speak dangerously fewer words to their children. This impacts their vocabulary, the ability to express themselves, and makes school more challenging.

What really got my attention was when researchers analyzed the types of words being spoken to children in low income families, the words were negative, much like what I overheard.

Researchers at Rice found that “by age four, the average child from a family on welfare will hear 125, 000 more words of discouragement than encouragement. When compared to the 560, 000 more words of praise as opposed to discouragement that a child from a high-income family will receive, this disparity is extraordinarily vast.”

Short version: not only do these kids hear fewer words, much of the words they hear are negative. The researchers don’t go into race in their findings, but I think black parents can take valuable insight from this study.

If any children in this country need to hear kindness, it’s black kids. In the era of Black Lives Matter we’ve become critically aware that from education to employment to simply walking down the street, we have so many different challenges thrown at us. So much negativity, judgment, and hate that sometimes ends in death. It’s isolating. It’s painful. It’s damaging.

Yet at the same time, it seems to be a cultural choice that we too must deride, degrade, and humiliate our children under the guise of discipline.

As I turned the corner, I wondered if we don’t believe in, encourage, support, and choose words of love with our own children, who do we expect to nurture them?

If we don’t come to them with love as our language, then why are we bothered when they don’t listen?

Why are we surprised when they trust their friends more than us?

If their mistakes are met with a reminder of everything they did wrong and an onslaught of all their disappointments, why would we ever expect them to come to us for help?

Why do we get mad when it feels like the rest of the world views them as worthless when we use those exact words as regular discipline?

I completely understand that gentle parenting isn’t for everyone, but I believe there still has to be other ways to communicate with our children with less trauma and more love. I believe it starts with the words we use.

For me, in this new year, I’m redoubling my efforts to make love my language not only to my children, but to my husband, my friends, and the world around me. In 2016, love is going to be my language.

Запись Why Speaking Gently to Our Kids is Even More Important in the Era of Black Lives Matter впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

As I search through hundreds and hundreds of books at the library, trying to find books that will engage my children, I am always happy to find those that are authored by some of my favorite celebrities.  In addition to making great music, films or being great athletes or politicians, it is nice to see that they have left a mark in the world of children’s literature as well.

1. Alicia Keys

The Journals of Mama Mae and Lee Lee is an app that follows a little girl LeeLee and her Grandmother who is voiced by Della Reese.  Users can explore original stories and music by Alicia Keys, write in their own journal and play a virtual piano that displays the notes as you play.  Mookey, which continues the Mama Mae series is also available on the iOS platform.  Both apps are available to preview for free and contain in-app purchases for the full versions.  These apps are also the precursor to the printed book Alicia Keys authored titled Blue Moon.

2. LeVar Burton

Many of us grew up watching Reading Rainbow on television.  Now our children can experience Reading Rainbow on their tablets or online.  After Reading Rainbow the television show was taken off the air, Levar Burton and his business partner purchased the rights to the program and created the app.  The app is available to preview for free, and is unlocked with a subscription.

LeVar Burton has also recently authored a book called, The Rhino Who Swallowed the Storm.  This is a unique story that helps children deal with traumatic events in their lives.

3. Whoopi Goldberg

The Sugar Plum Ballerinas is a popular chapter book series aimed at children in grades 2-4.  The series contains six chapter books with illustrations sprinkled throughout the text.

4. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar once said, “If I hadn’t become a professional basketball player, I would have become a history teacher.”  It is no surprise then that he is the author of a children’s books that infuses lessons about Black history.  I found What Color is My World? when I was researching information on African American inventors.  This book starts off with two siblings that are moving into a new home.  They encounter an elder who is helping fix up their new home and learn about many African American inventors.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar also has two other children’s books that he has authored: Sasquatch in the Paint  and Stealing the Game.  Both are basketball themed junior novels.

5. President Barak Obama

Told with elegant prose and illustrations of role models, President Obama pens a letter to his daughter teaching them lessons from great historical figures in Of Thee I Sing.  The letter references figures such as Billie Holiday, Cesar Chavez, Hellen Keller and more.

6. Spike Lee and 7. Tonya Lewis Lee

Some of us may be old enough to remember the classic scene from She’s Gotta Have It, where Mars Blackmon beggs Nola to not break up with him.

Year later, after becoming parents, Spike and Tonya Lee Lewis use this same phrase to author a classic children’s book.  If you have not read Please, Baby, Please to your toddler, you are missing out.  This is one of those books your child will want to hear and read 1, 000 times.  It has beautiful illustrations by Kadir Nelson and lots of repetition, making it one of those books that are easy to memorize.  It is followed by an equally engaging book titled Please, Puppy, Please where siblings plead with their pet to behave.  The couple also authored another children’s book called Giant Steps to Change the World.  This title is aimed at a slightly older children’s audience and encourages children to follow their dreams.

8. Queen Latifah

I cannot describe how elated I was to find Queen of the Scene on the bookshelves of the library.  The book came with a CD which is narrated by Queen Latifah.  It celebrates Black girls in sports, Hip Hop and poetry all at once.  It is illustrated by Frank Morrison and is classic literature for young children.

9. Kim Wayans

Another chapter book series with a Black girl protagonist is the Amy Hodgepodge series by Kim Wayans and her husband Kevin Knotts.  This series follows a formerly homeschooled girl with a multi cultural background as she transitions into public school, meets new friends and embarks on new adventures.

10. Tia and 11. Tamera

Another chapter book that looks like it is headed in the direction of becoming a series is Twintuition. The first book Twintuition: Double Vision is about tween twins Cassie and Caitlyn who are psychic.  The next book, available for pre-order now and due to be released in May of 2016 is called Twintuition: Double Trouble.

12. Ziggy Marley

I love You Too, is an example of how art can take multiple forms.  Written originally as a song, then printed into a physical book, I love You Too is now an interactive app.  Inside the app, children can choose to hear a narration by Ziggy Marley, or parents can individualize the story by adding their own vocal narration.

Ziggy Marley isn’t the only artist to take his song lyrics and convert it into a children’s book.  Bob Marley, Mariah Carey,   Pharrell and Will Smith are other artist whose song lyrics are now considered children’s literature.  It is always fun to listen to the song while turning the pages of the book.  This technique can also aid in having your child learn sight words.

13. Bob Marley –One Love

14.Mariah Carey-All I Want for Christmas

15. Pharrell- Happy

16. Will Smith-Just The Two of Us

I look forward to checking out the following books from the library in 2016.

17.  Jada Pinkett Smith

With photographs of young girls, Jada Pinkett Smith delivers an affirmation of hope and courage to a young generation with Girls Hold Up This World.

18. Dionne Warwick- Say A Little Prayer and Little Man

19. Misty Copeland-Firebird

21. Taye Diggs-Chocolate Me and Mixed Me

22. Garecelle Beauvais-I Am Mixed

23. Tisha Campbell Martin-My Brother Doesn’t Want to Play: Autism From a Siblings Perspective

24. Holly Robinson Pete-My Brother Charlie

25. Nick Cannon-Neon Alien Ate My Homework and Roc and Roe’s Twelve Days of Christmas

26. Shaquille O’Neal- Little Shaq and Little Shaq Takes a Chance

27. LL Cool J-And The Winner Is

28. George Foreman-Let George Do It

29. Terrell Owens- Little T Learns to Share

30. Tiki Barber and 31. Ronde Barber- Babar Game Time Books

32. Common-I Like You but I Love Me and The Mirror and Me

Запись 32 Black Celebrities Who Have Authored Children’s Books and Apps впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I frowned. I had walked around the entire store not 10 minutes earlier and passed the costume section. Even in summer, the store had tons of frilly costumes for little girls to play dress up. There were plenty of princesses. They were all White princesses.

And that’s what made me sad.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen in such real-time what it looks like to not have representation for little brown girls. This is not anything serious as college entry exams or glass ceilings. No, it’s just the sadness on a little Black girl’s face when she realizes in all of Disney movie history, there is only one character who resembles her.

I have a little brown 3-year-old daughter, and she absolutely loves the movie Frozen. Bean loves Elsa, she loves Anna, and she loves Olaf the snowman. Despite my annoyance with the movie having a plot full of holes, my daughter absolutely does not care. And she doesn’t care that the characters are White.

I love the open spirits of young children, who not only see beauty in the diversity of color, but can easily imagine themselves adorned in that beauty. But I cannot lie, when Bean wears her Elsa shirts I wish Elsa were a Black girl. I don’t want her to one day see Elsa’s luxurious blond mane and think to herself, “I want to wear a hat with a big blond ponytail on it.” I don’t want to tell her “No” with my adult views on race and mar her childhood innocence.

I thought I was alone in my discomfort, but a friend of mine recently shared that her daughter keeps asking her for “yellow hair” to be like Elsa. Another friend expressed misgivings about little Black girls in blond Elsa wigs for Halloween. And maybe we are all reaching. Little Black girls in Elsa dresses are yet beautiful. People wear dyed wigs to finish costumes all the time. Still, something in me wants to shield my little girl from the ubiquitous standard of long blond hair as long as possible.

When Black girls are made into cartoons it can be a magical thing. It happens so infrequently that every little pixel matters. So yes, Black girls rejoiced over Rihanna having a role in the animated film Home. My daughter adores that movie, too. Yes, Black mamas absolutely love Doc McStuffins. Another mother I know is opting for a McStuffins doll instead of an Elsa one. So am I.

There will always be another ivory princess for girls named Ebony to love. But I fear there will not be another Black one. Princess Tiana items were probably few and far between this Christmas because Princess Tiana is the only Black girl Disney princess. White girls,  on the other hand, do not have to choose Princess Tiana–because they are nearly everyone else.

You can always see a Black girl with a White princess on her chest. But you will scarcely see a White girl with a Black princess on her chest. That sight would make me smile. The whole world, not just little brown girls, needs to believe that Black girls in frilly dresses, too, are beautiful. Diversity is a wonderful thing. But sometimes, little Black girls just don’t feel like being White princesses.

Am I overreacting? How do Black mothers strike a balance between encouraging diversity and affirming their little brown girls? 

Запись Why This Black Mom Isn’t Buying Her Daughter Elsa for Christmas впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Although we are no longer a British colony, we’re still constitutional subjects of Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain and many citizens are fans of the pomp and circumstance that unfolds during state visits by members of the British Royal family. So, we appreciate the political post of ‘princess’ that a woman can hold: as the daughter or granddaughter of a king/queen (like Princess Margaret), or as the wife of a prince (like Princess Diana). In our minds, a princess is never a vain, pampered, sheltered snob with no work experience. Instead, we commonly refer to young females of noble (admirable and dignified) character as ‘Princess’ – based on our matriarchal society and the influence of Rastafari culture.

We have our own local (non-European) female royals in the roles of Beauty Queens, Festival Queens and Dancehall Queens, as well as Rastafari Empresses, Maroon Chieftainesses and Kumina Queens – all of whom are held to higher standards and honoured by the public for what they symbolise. In fact, any woman who dresses modestly, walks confidently and celebrates her natural beauty will often be greeted, “Good morning, Empress!” or “Greetings, Princess” by both men and women in the street; making it no surprise that both 2Face Idibia’s “African Queen” and Tarrus Riley’s “She’s Royal” have been big hits in Jamaica for years.

In contrast to our constitutional monarchy, we have the great legacy of an African Queen, Nanny of the Maroons, who is our national heroine. Queen Nanny was an Ashanti royal who was brought to Jamaica (sold into slavery), but she escaped from the plantation into the mountains before she freed other enslaved Africans and formed her own militant ‘nation’ within the nation. Queen Nanny’s leadership and superior military strategies were so imposing and unmatched, that the English soldiers and government were never able to defeat her. Instead, they sought alliance with the Maroons, offered peace treaties to them and gave the Maroon settlements political autonomy.

The legend of our Warrior Queen has inspired millions of Jamaican girls to be like Nanny – a powerful woman who leads, nurtures and fights for her people. She was my favourite national hero! It is in this tradition of honouring feminine nobility, that I call my daughter ‘Princess’. Not the Disney princess that waits for her prince to come rescue her from vane boredom, but a “warrior princess” like so many who have gone before us. Although I grew up admiring the leadership and strength of our Queen Nanny, I have also learnt of other Warrior Queens and Princesses who serve as powerful role models for young, black girls and women of today. Some of the militant royals that I want my daughter to emulate are:

• Yaa Asantewaa, the Queen Mother of the Ashanti empire (part of modern-day Ghana) who led the War of the Golden Stool against the British colonisers. When she saw the men of her empire whimpering at the threats of the invaders, she declared that she would defend her people to the death.

• Nzinga Mbande, Queen of the Ndongo & Matamba kingdoms of Angola, led a 30-year war against the Portuguese who were trying to colonise her people and expand the slave trade. She was never defeated in any of her military missions – even though her armies and weaponry were ‘inferior’ to that of the Europeans.

• Amanirenas, was Queen Mother of the Meroetic kingdom of Kush. When the Romans invaded her neighbours and decided to tax her people, she led her armies into war against them. After 5 years of battling against the Romans, Amanirenas defeated them and forced them to withdraw the tax which had threatened the Kushite kingdom.

• Taitu Betul, the Empress of the Ethiopian empire, founded the city of Addis Ababa and was a military strategist who initiated the War of Adwa when she discovered Italy’s plot to colonise Ethiopia. She led her own battalion alongside her husband, Emperor Menelik II, and the Imperial Army, defeating the Italians.

• Hatshepshut, Pharaoh of the 18th dynasty of Ancient Egypt, came to power after her husband died and she reigned for 20 years. Not interested in invading other territories, she maintained peace during her reign and focused on securing economic prosperity for Egypt. She built and restored many monuments throughout both Egyptian kingdoms and is considered one of the most successful Pharaohs in history.

• Amina Sukhera, was the Hausa Queen of Zazzau (part of present-day Nigeria) for 34 years. She was a fierce warrior who led the military in battles and expanded her kingdom by claiming other neighbouring territories. Her innovation led to the introduction of metal armour to her military forces, since her kingdom was known for excellent metalwork.

• Elizabeth Bagaaya, the Princess Royal of the Toro Kingdom in Uganda, is a lawyer (the first East African woman to be accepted to the English Bar), and a Diplomat (at the United Nations). During her youth, she worked as a Model and Actress, paving the way for many black women in these industries. Today, she serves Uganda as their High Commissioner to Nigeria.

 
So, when you hear me call my little girl, “Princess” please remember these great African women: true royals who were fearless in the execution of their duties. Our little, black girls need to be fed the stories of black women who were models of leadership, courage, dignity, intelligence, diplomacy, entrepreneurship, compassion and beauty. These are the qualities of a princess – a woman of authority who earns respect and exudes an uncommon beauty – not like the ones you see in the fairytales.

Didan Ashanta is a natural living enthusiast who blogs at DidanAshanta.com. A native of Jamaica, she currently lives in Tokyo with her husband and 1-year-old daughter.

Запись 7 Historical Warrior Princesses I Want My Daughter to Emulate впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.