Why Satisfying Sex Should Be Part of a Mother’s Self-Care


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“Sex? Don’t look at me! I’ve got more important things on my mind.”
Sound like you? Most of us became mommies because we got hot, sweaty and (hopefully) satisfied. Yet, once those beautiful babies are born, a lot of mommies put sex on the back burner. Some mamas just take it right off the stove, out of the kitchen and put a padlock on the door. But, it’s not all out of spite. If we really think things through or just take the time to listen to each other, it’s easy to list the different reasons moms take their minds off lovemaking. We could start with:

  • Physical exhaustion
  • Fear of getting pregnant 
  • Feeling unattractive
  • Work-related stress
  • Mental exhaustion
  • Fear of being interrupted
  • Feeling unappreciated
  • Financial worries
  • Emotional exhaustion
  • School-related stress
  • Clashing schedules
  • Did I mention, ‘exhaustion’?
    When you really think about it, these are some legitimate reasons for the romance to fizzle and the passionate moments to become more memories than reality.

    But, is it possible that moms might be avoiding the very thing we need to be healthier and happier?

    Vitamin S
    10 years ago, Jamaican Dancehall artiste Baby Cham released a song called ‘Vitamin S‘. The lyrics describe some of the health benefits of regular lovemaking, but his punchline mostly focused on the mental health and emotional state of a sex-deprived woman: miserable and stressed out. Then he concludes that a stressed out woman needs a good dose of lovemaking!

    Don’t be too quick to think he’s being petty or even disrespectful. If you agree that vibrant health rests on the four pillars of nutrition, physical activity, sleep and stress management, then you should understand how a regular supply of satisfying sex could end up on Cham’s prescription for a stressed out sister. Whether you want to take a hint from the glow on the faces of new lovers or dig through scientific journals, it is a fact that an active sex-life does much more than make babies. Regular sex keeps us healthy and happy.

    The Sex Benefits
    That nap-time quickie might be your best beauty secret, the early morning romp your flu vaccine and the ‘shower’ together your anti-depressant. Various health professionals and sex researchers have concluded that a regular supply of satisfying sex impacts our immune system, radiance, and mental health. If you took the time to do a little digging, you could find piles of evidence proving that frequent doses of Vitamin S is what a stressed out mommy needs to:

  • Make her hair shiny
  • Keep her. blood pressure low
  • Improve her mood
  • Prevent insomnia and give her higher quality sleep
  • Build her self esteem
  • Increase her libido
  • Build her pelvic muscles
  • Fight off colds and other infections 
  • Work as a natural pain reliever 
  • Burn calories
  • Improve her memory and analytical skills 
  • Low or No Pleasure?
    Of course, if you’re usually turned off from sex because your partner is not obsessed with securing your satisfaction, then the sake of your health and sanity you will need to improve your communication skills, and say what’s on your mind. You will need to raise your self-worth, by acknowledging that you deserve to have your sexual needs catered to. Lovemaking is a great time to practice the phrase, “I’d like to have…” followed by all the things you thought about but never said. Just this one move of requesting what you want, creates room for more intimacy as your partner learns more about you, and builds your interest as both of you learn the ways to blow your mind.

    Self-care
    But if you still can’t think of any compelling motive to get between the sheets, then it’s time to work on Mommy’s self-care routine. Whether you have a few self-care practices that you already enjoy, or you’re trying to find a way to stop time and exhale, passionate lovemaking needs to be part of your self-care routine. Of course this means that sex stops being a chore or obligation, but something you pursue (and even initiate) as you intentionally work on the cultivation and maintenance of your total wellbeing.

    You could start by checking off your bedroom romping as a bit of physical exercise and deep breathing – two great stress management activities. All the perspiring and heavy breathing helps your body expel the disease-causing toxins, so you can check this off as your detox technique. Then as you shut off all the mental noise and to tune in to the sensations and sync to the flow of your bodies, you allow your mind to breathe, to relax and to forget… the to-do lists, your best-friend’s problems and your bills. You blow away the brain-fog and flood your veins with oxytocin – nature’s love potion and happy hormone. All this makes for magic moments.

    So, whenever you feel like the exhaustion is too real and like the work will never end, pause the world then grab your partner and get some Vitamin S.

    Didan Ashanta

    About Didan Ashanta

    Didan Ashanta is the author of "Jamaican Green Smoothies" and a LifeDesigner who blogs about eating your way to vibrant health at DidanAshanta.com. A native of Jamaica, she currently lives in the Tokyo, Japan with her husband and 3-yr-old daughter.