I remember being about 5 years old, and my mother wanting to take a midday nap and she tried to get me to join her. I soon got up and announced that I couldn’t sleep, and asked her to teach me how to. My mother explained that I needed to close my eyes, lay very still and not move a muscle – it worked! Since that day, I’ve been known to fall asleep very easily – to the chagrin of my husband. But, that was my former life! My new life, as a mother, has redefined tiredness, remodeled the concept of rest, and forcefully enlightened me about sleep deprivation. I don’t even look at my pillow the same way anymore. This long-distance relationship that I’ve been having with sleep has forced me to learn much more about this nighttime ritual.
The oddest reality about a new mother’s slumber is that even when she’s had enough hours, she very rarely gets the quality ‘restorative sleep’ that she needs. Instead, new mothers suffer from ‘interrupted sleep’. Whether she co-sleeps or has a well-used nursery, whether she breastfeeds or she has bottles of formula prepped and waiting – nature switches on a software application in a mama’s brain that alerts her and prevents her from staying asleep once her baby is uncomfortable. This little switch has kept humanity alive and mommies awake for millennia. But, we’re living in an age where we’re plugged in 24-7 (electricity, internet, social media, mobile devices), and nightfall doesn’t have the natural effect on our bedtime habits. So, we have to devise new strategies for winning this battle with exhaustion.
The first strategy, we could enforce is that of alternative sleep rhythms. It is likely that we will not enjoy the 8-hour sleep that we’re told we need. So, it may help to grab either a combination of 6 hours of continuous sleep and a 30-minute midday nap, or a 3.5-hour late-night snooze combined with three 20-minute naps throughout the day. Yet, even if we’re able to get the full-night sleep routine, we’re still being interrupted by our babies’ cries for comfort, food or a clean diaper, so we should seriously consider scheduling a daily 90-minute nap (a full sleep cycle) for optimum wellness and alertness.
We mustn’t forget that the reason we’re missing out on sufficient and efficient sleep is the responsibility that comes with being a primary caregiver. In real and practical terms, our baby’s life depends on us however, we must remember that we can only thrive in community. We shouldn’t try to do it all on our own. We must recruit others (for example our partners) to help out, especially in those first few months when we are still exhausted and need to recuperate. This means we must dash our crowns of pride to the ground and ask for help. I know that in some cases, the help isn’t even there to be asked for, but we must be willing to even pay for it. Our sanity and health is worth it.
Once we have determined the sleep rhythm that will best complement our lifestyles, and have made the childcare arrangements to facilitate us sleeping undisturbed, we then need to create the right atmosphere and mental state for some restorative sleep. There are some activities that will allow us to relax enough to enjoy quality sleep, because they soothe and calm our minds, and get us to cool down and release the tensions in our bodies. These include, but are not limited to: a few minutes of guided meditation, a session of yoga nidra, or sinking deep into a relaxation audio. Sweet slumber requires us to let go of the pressures that pile onto us throughout the day.
Sleep deprivation seems to be most common when we have newborns. But, even mommies who have big kids often end up groggy, lost in thought, cranky, and wish they could lock themselves in a plush, soundproof room ever so often. So, there are some healthy sleep habits that we all can benefit from picking up – sleep deprived or not:
1. Consistency
Going to bed and waking up at the same times everyday is key to quality sleep. We just have to get to bed 8 hours before we need to wake up. So, if we’re waking up at 6am, 10pm is the perfect time to get to bed.
2. Bedtime Stories
For the same reason we read to our little ones when we tuck them in, be sure to grab some reading material to transport you from your space at bedtime. That means: no chores. Most importantly, shut down the electronic devices an hour before bedtime.
3. Scheduled Naps
Even the most efficient sleeper benefits from a 20-minute recharge. So, it can be quite the lifesaver to nod off for a quick 30-minutes in the middle of your hectic routine. Try to pick the same time everyday and utilise an alarm so that you don’t miss the time for your power up or forget to wake from it. ?
4. Journals
Whether you choose to count your blessings and small mercies in a gratitude journal or lay down your burdens in a worry diary, writing is a great de-stressor. We often struggle to fall asleep or to rest well once asleep because of the many issues that weigh on our minds. By appreciating the positives in our day, or acknowledging the negatives that bother us, we can free up our brains to detox.
5. Routine
We have all heard about setting up a bedtime routine for our babies – again the truth is universal. Our bodies and minds respond to the cues for shutting down. About 2-3 hours before we get ready to pull up the covers, it needs to be wind down time. So, try to get the entire household involved. Your partner can’t be catching up on the ballgame while you try to hibernate!
What are your strategies for winning the battle with sleep deprivation?
Didan Ashanta is a natural living enthusiast who blogs at DidanAshanta.com. A native of Jamaica, she currently lives in Tokyo with her husband and 1-year-old daughter.