Did I mention, ‘exhaustion’?
When you really think about it, these are some legitimate reasons for the romance to fizzle and the passionate moments to become more memories than reality.

But, is it possible that moms might be avoiding the very thing we need to be healthier and happier?

Vitamin S
10 years ago, Jamaican Dancehall artiste Baby Cham released a song called ‘Vitamin S‘. The lyrics describe some of the health benefits of regular lovemaking, but his punchline mostly focused on the mental health and emotional state of a sex-deprived woman: miserable and stressed out. Then he concludes that a stressed out woman needs a good dose of lovemaking!

Don’t be too quick to think he’s being petty or even disrespectful. If you agree that vibrant health rests on the four pillars of nutrition, physical activity, sleep and stress management, then you should understand how a regular supply of satisfying sex could end up on Cham’s prescription for a stressed out sister. Whether you want to take a hint from the glow on the faces of new lovers or dig through scientific journals, it is a fact that an active sex-life does much more than make babies. Regular sex keeps us healthy and happy.

The Sex Benefits
That nap-time quickie might be your best beauty secret, the early morning romp your flu vaccine and the ‘shower’ together your anti-depressant. Various health professionals and sex researchers have concluded that a regular supply of satisfying sex impacts our immune system, radiance, and mental health. If you took the time to do a little digging, you could find piles of evidence proving that frequent doses of Vitamin S is what a stressed out mommy needs to:

Low or No Pleasure?
Of course, if you’re usually turned off from sex because your partner is not obsessed with securing your satisfaction, then the sake of your health and sanity you will need to improve your communication skills, and say what’s on your mind. You will need to raise your self-worth, by acknowledging that you deserve to have your sexual needs catered to. Lovemaking is a great time to practice the phrase, “I’d like to have…” followed by all the things you thought about but never said. Just this one move of requesting what you want, creates room for more intimacy as your partner learns more about you, and builds your interest as both of you learn the ways to blow your mind.

Self-care
But if you still can’t think of any compelling motive to get between the sheets, then it’s time to work on Mommy’s self-care routine. Whether you have a few self-care practices that you already enjoy, or you’re trying to find a way to stop time and exhale, passionate lovemaking needs to be part of your self-care routine. Of course this means that sex stops being a chore or obligation, but something you pursue (and even initiate) as you intentionally work on the cultivation and maintenance of your total wellbeing.

You could start by checking off your bedroom romping as a bit of physical exercise and deep breathing – two great stress management activities. All the perspiring and heavy breathing helps your body expel the disease-causing toxins, so you can check this off as your detox technique. Then as you shut off all the mental noise and to tune in to the sensations and sync to the flow of your bodies, you allow your mind to breathe, to relax and to forget… the to-do lists, your best-friend’s problems and your bills. You blow away the brain-fog and flood your veins with oxytocin – nature’s love potion and happy hormone. All this makes for magic moments.

So, whenever you feel like the exhaustion is too real and like the work will never end, pause the world then grab your partner and get some Vitamin S.

Запись Why Satisfying Sex Should Be Part of a Mother’s Self-Care впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

“Why would I want to think about my daughter having sex in the future?”

That’s when I realized how pervasively men fear the thought of their daughters doing what grown folks do. Somehow, I am able to objectively look at my little girl and understand she will not always be so little. She will grow up and she will want to have sex. That thought does not frighten me. It’s a fact of life.

I’m not saying fathers need to picture the act. No. Please note I am also not talking about sexualizing our children. I am specifically referring to the avoidance of seeing daughters as full human beings. We prepare our girls for sexual activity by telling them not to engage in it, because we refuse to see it in healthy terms ourselves. We frame female sexuality in shame and negativity and male sexuality in terms of virility and positivity.

I have never heard any man say they hope their son grows up to have a small penis. However, I have often heard fathers say they hope their daughters do not develop large breasts or big butts. I remember when Kanye West said in his song “We Major, ” “Until you have a daughter / that’s what I call Karma / and you pray to God she don’t grow breasts too soon.” The natural maturation of a young girl into puberty is not “payback” for the sins of her father. A daughter’s sexuality is neither the shame nor burden of her father.

But I sought to answer my husband’s question as best I could. Why should a father want to consider that his daughter will have sex in the future?

In order for parents to steer their daughters into a balanced understanding of sexuality, we must broach sex not as a calamity to be avoided, but an eventuality to be prepared for. That means the jokes about sending her to a nunnery? They gotta go. We can encourage responsible sexual behavior, even religiously based behavior (i.e. abstinence until marriage) without shrouding sex in a cloud of dirtiness.

Our children take their cues about sex both from their parents and from their peers. Parents have to work overtime to counter the false narratives and myths about sex that kids inevitably share with each other. Girls whose fathers make chastity belt threats are not likely to approach their fathers for guidance about sex. Yes, Dads, there are decisions your daughters will need to make about having sex beyond just “Don’t have it until marriage.” Even though most fathers I know would be more than happy to delegate that conversation to Mom, girls still need fatherly input.

But this means you have to be mindful that your little girl will not always be so little. She will grow up and she may want to have sex. It’s a fact of life. There is nothing gross or disgusting about that simple fact. There is nothing shameful about her having breasts, a butt, or an attractive body. And furthermore, the negative mindset that we project on our daughters about sex will seldom prevent them from having it, anyway.

Dads, your daughters will become sexual human beings. Deal with it. She absolutely needs you to.

Запись Dear Dads: Your Daughter Will Grow Up to Have Sex. Deal With It. впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Actress Tisha Martin Campbell recently spoke out about being raped at age 3 and how that affected her ability to breastfeed her first child;

It would affect me with breastfeeding my children. I didn’t want to with the first one because I felt like I was going to hurt him. You know, that kind of thing. It’s surprising how things kind of pop up out of nowhere. I didn’t know why I felt uncomfortable doing that. I didn’t want to do it, and I felt like it was a lot of pressure for me to do it. Finally, the pediatrician was like, “Can you just stop trying? Because the baby can see your angst.” So I took the pressure off of myself, and it was easier to do it with my second child because I knew what it was then.

The percentage of black women who breastfeed is lower than white and Hispanic women. And while there are a number of reasons for this including lack of hospital support, lack of education and strenuous work schedules, sexual abuse might be another reason to consider.

In an article for Babble.com, mommies who have suffered abuse share how challenging things like co-sleeping and breastfeeding can be;

Tonia, a mother of two small children, tried to breastfeed her first child but found it very uncomfortable. She was abused by an older relative as an adolescent and while that isn’t the only reason she didn’t enjoy breastfeeding, it played a big part.

“I breastfed my daughter, but the sensation of nursing and having to give my body over so completely and constantly was extremely unpleasant for me, ” she said.

Tonia planned to breastfeed her second child as well, but right before he was born she had second thoughts.

“Just the thought of doing it all over again, and this time with a 19-month-old [to take care of as well], made me so anxious that I broke down crying one night and decided I would be going straight to formula.”

She’s happy she made that decision, and is now very passionate about parents being able to choose how to feed their babies without any judgment.

Of course there are mothers who are able to breastfeed with little to no issue after suffering sexual abuse, but it does help to be aware and sensitive to mommies who may be struggling.

Запись When Former Sexual Abuse Makes Breastfeeding Difficult: Actress Tisha Martin Campbell Opens Up впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

1. The hymen doesn’t cover the vagina. It’s a thin layer of skin around the vagina.

2. Sex doesn’t have to hurt the first time, as the hymen is not being ‘popped’.

3. Hymens do not always tear from sexual intercourse. A woman who has had sex multiple times can have an intact hymen.

4. Hymens can tear from activities outside of sexual intercourse.

5. Hymens can heal.

6. One study found that 52% of sexually active women have intact hymens. You can read more about that here.

7. The implication of all this is that virginity as a physical concept does not exist.

Bonus fact:
Girls do not pee out of their vaginas. They pee out of their urethras which is a separate hole. Girls menstruate and give birth out of their vaginas.

Check out the video below:

Запись It’s Not a Cherry That Can Be Popped: 7 Misconceptions About Virginity and the Hymen впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.