When I told her this baby was my first, she warned, “Do your best to take care of your little girl because you might not have another one.” I was appalled.

The story goes, “Your clock starts ticking at age 30, gets super loud when you’re 35, then just falls apart by the time you hit the big 4-0.” As such, it didn’t take long for me to start getting anxious for my friends who were dreaming of raising their own little village, but still hadn’t gotten around to baby #1 as yet.

Whether they are busy working to pay off student loans, taking care of siblings, or simply still waiting to meet Mr. Right, some sisters are trying to get some financial stability before taking on parenthood. Others are battling infertility, miscarriages, and ‘anti-fertility’ health challenges like fibroids, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), all the while the clock keeps ticking, or does it?

Let’s take a look at the top 3 myths about pregnancy for women over 35 years old.

You Have Fewer Eggs

You’ve probably heard that every baby girl comes into the world loaded with her own ‘egg bank’ – her two ovaries stocked with 1-2 million egg cells. Then by the time she hits puberty, some of those eggs are released monthly through ovulation, while many others die their naturally programmed death like other cells in the body. This being the case, by the time the average woman is in her 30’s (and past her fertile peak), her reserve of eggs has been significantly depleted to about 12%.

Truth: The concern about a low egg reserve is relevant to women who have already been diagnosed with fertility problems and are considering using In-Vitro Fertilisation to conceive. That’s because the procedure needs multiple eggs to be extracted for fertilisation. This ‘low egg reserve’ argument is a non-issue for women who are trying to conceive naturally. The thing is, if you’re only left with 12% of your eggs at age 30, that works out to more than 100, 000 eggs. You only need ONE egg to make a baby.

You Have Lower Quality Eggs

While a woman’s womb can be kept fit and fabulous, her eggs don’t have the same kind of longevity and resilience. Some of her eggs will die naturally as time passes, and the remaining eggs just get old! This results in miscarriages and babies born with Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities.

Truth: It is true that ‘older eggs’ don’t perform as well. The chances of the chromosomes dividing improperly, and the body in turn rejecting the embryo are higher in mature mothers. However, this experience is not exclusive to women in their 30s, and miscarriages are more common than we think for fertile women of all ages. While chromosomal abnormalities are more likely with older women, most children born with Down syndrome are born to women under age 35.

You Will Have a High-Risk Pregnancy

An older body is less tolerant of the demands of pregnancy, and so it is standard procedure for medical professionals to inform mature expectant mothers of the risks they face like hypertension.

Truth: Pregnant women of all ages will be at risk for complications if they have existing health conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney disease and obesity. So, it is not just for older women. Yet, if a healthy woman has become pregnant for the first time after age 35, then she needs to realise her body may or may not ‘go with the flow.’ She is more likely to have a cesarean section delivery, prolonged labour, among other things. Unlike teens (who are also high-risk during pregnancy), a first time mom aged 35 or older, is more likely to be well-educated and have better finances. As such, she is more likely to make better preparations for pregnancy, gain access to higher quality healthcare and make better health-supporting lifestyle choices.

Myths will always abound, and statistics can be deeply flawed. For women 35 years and older, the key is to be strategic when trying to conceive by tracking their cycles and timing intercourse for when they ovulate. Then throughout pregnancy, they need to practice self-care to help the body manoeuvre the 9-month transformation including any negativity they face for being over 35.

Запись Have We Been Conditioned to Panic? 3 Myths About Pregnancy Over 35 Debunked впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

When I was about 8 years old, my dresser and TV fell on me. That’s it above.

I had opened a drawer, pulled something out, then opened another without closing it either. As I opened the third drawer, the whole dresser toppled over on top of me as did the TV.

Luckily the bed behind me kept the dresser and TV from completely crushing me. I was old enough that other than being scared and a little bruised, no real damage was done, but too many children die each year from accidents just like this.

Statistics show that “3 children every hour and 71 children every day are injured by a fallen piece of furniture, a TV, or an appliance. A child dies on average every 2 weeks.“

It’s not always big furniture that kills.

Despite my own tipover accident, I didn’t secure my furniture until recently. We were lazy. Our son didn’t climb. I had gotten rid of the dresser that fell on me, and I figured that was enough.

Then I read about Meghan Beck.

“Eight years ago this morning, I woke to a nightmare, ” Meghan’s mother Kimberly Amato said. “One that will really never end. My 3-year old beautiful daughter was found lifeless under her dresser. Somehow she managed to tip it over on herself while we slept. We did not hear it fall, for it fell onto her. She was unable to cry. She died in minutes while the rest of our family slept, her airway compressed by a drawer under the weight of the dresser. Her dresser is pictured below. When most people see it, they are flabbergasted, expecting it to have been a much larger piece.”

Meghan’s story really got my attention. Her own twin slept through the accident in the same room. I was shocked at how small the dresser was. I would have never thought it could be dangerous. I had never considered that the sound of falling furniture would be muffled by a trapped child, so that you’d never hear it happen.

It’s not just about climbers

While climbing often is a cause of furniture tipping over, it’s not the only reason. For me, it was opening too many drawers at once. When I saw my son doing this, I knew I had to secure our furniture especially now that we have a new baby.

Know better, do better

Unlike many scary things that parents face, there is actually easy prevention for tip over furniture deaths and injuries. Furniture straps and anchors when properly secured eliminate the risk. They are inexpensive and easy to use. Look how we’ve secured our TV.

The TV is connected now to the TV stand. Other pieces are secured to the walls using straps. The hardest part was finding studs. It only took a few minutes per piece of furniture.

Some people worry about putting holes in their walls or in their furniture, but for me, I’d rather “damage” the wall than have the risk of the furniture harming my child.

If you’re not sure you need to anchor your furniture, watch these videos.

Have you secured your furniture?

Запись Unanchored Furniture is More Dangerous for Children Than You Think впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I married at 25 with no intentions of having kids until my early 30s. I’d quit my job to focus on my blog full time and at that time it was my baby. My dream was to continue growing my website, travel with my new husband and enjoy our life as a young couple in a big city. My plans were dashed when I got pregnant unexpectedly a year and a half later. I gave birth to a boy, and although I had a brief episode of the baby blues, I adjusted pretty quickly. A few months into parenthood I was absolutely in love with him and the experience of being a mom.

Me and my baby boy

While my husband worked his 9 to 5, my son and I explored Chicago. We spent idyllic days at the children’s museum, the library and parks around the city. I watched him play and got to know who he was and how he reacted to things. I celebrated his milestones with joy and pride.

When he turned 18 months I began to consider providing him a sibling. My mother had me and my siblings roughly 2 years apart, so I knew if I wanted to stay in that range I needed to get pregnant soon. After about 3 weeks of trying we conceived. My pregnancy was a breeze, and I looked forward to the birth of my daughter with excitement. But I made a choice that I didn’t understand the implications of until later — I started another business.

My life felt near perfect but what I didn’t know is that the baby on the way would need far more room in my life than I had provided.

Things Fall Apart

In December 2014 my daughter burst onto the scene alert, active and strong.

My baby girl

My mother stayed with me for 2 weeks after I delivered, but things slowly began to unravel after she left. My son’s nanny returned to Colombia after completing her graduate degree. I quickly enrolled him in preschool but pulled him out after realizing how long the commute was. By mid 2015 I was at home by myself trying to work while watching a high energy toddler and breastfeeding an infant on demand. Needless to say my mental health took a beating. My baby blues turned into full blown post partum depression. The sound of my daughter’s cries gave me splitting headaches. I was perpetually sleep deprived and unable to fall and stay asleep without medication.

Worst of all I consistently missed my daughter’s milestones. My midwife, concerned about my mental health at a routine wellness check, handed me a list of therapists who specialized in new motherhood. At my first therapy session I cried bitterly into a rumpled tissue as I expressed how guilty I felt that my daughter’s first year was passing like a blur.

As 2015 came to a close my only new year’s resolution was to be truly happy and engage in self-care. I enrolled my son in preschool again and got a nanny to watch my daughter part-time. I stopped actively marketing my second business so that our daily orders decreased. I delegated more of my website work to my writers and editors, and my husband and I put our rental property on the market. My goal was to restore my sanity and free up quality time with my children.

But perhaps the biggest adjustment of all was accepting the fact that I will very likely not bear any more children.

The Myth of Infinite Mother Love

I remember as a little girl believing that mothers had infinite love and time to give, perhaps because I always felt like the apple of my mother’s eye. Every church play, every music lesson, every poetry reading she was there, smiling and present. She was also a stay-at-home mother who chose to give up a career as a corporate accountant to raise 4 children. That is not my life. I could quit my work, sure, but I know I would be compromising myself. I love being an entrepreneur, and I love being a mother. If I want to do them well I must place limits on both.

I see now that the belief that mothers have infinite mental and emotional resources is a dangerous one. It leads to exhaustion and burnout. I cannot give to my children what I do not have in the first place. I cannot give them peace, time and patience if I simply do not have it to give.

Of course I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but I am trying to think less about the third or fourth child I might never have, and more about the two wonderful children I do have. I am finally able to be present for them, and for that I am deeply grateful.

Запись Facing My Limitations: I Want More Children, But I Cannot Mentally or Emotionally Afford Them впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

http://www.cincinnatibirthphotography.com/

When I delivered my daughter nearly four years ago, I planned on having a natural home birth. I had spent the majority of my pregnancy educating myself about the business of childbirth. I had a low-risk pregnancy and knew I wanted low-intervention childbirth for myself and my baby. But my daughter had other plans!

I was completely unprepared to end up in the hospital having an emergency Cesarean section. I quickly became part of an alarming statistic. According to the U.S. Census, Black women have higher rates of C-sections (35.9%) than their White and Latina counterparts. I felt too vulnerable to challenge doctors and nurses who assumed bullying, condescending tones to badger me into procedures. I was made to feel I could not trust my wishes or my body, in the face of their expertise.

Unfortunately, my experience was not unique. Jamilla Webb, a nurse and doula based in New Orleans, believes stereotyping is a stigma many pregnant Black women face. “Black women are looked down upon when it comes to our sexual health, ” she said. “Often, providers will treat you as if you don’t matter, as if you are uneducated.”

I am fortunate two other women in my delivery room (my mother, a health professional; and my aunt, a certified nurse midwife) became my voice when I could not speak. Their help was invaluable. I have been determined ever since to learn ways Black women can advocate for themselves in pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum care. But if they need help doing so, like I did, what resources are available?

Although birth can seem like a one-woman sport, every woman can benefit from having a support team. One essential person in that group can be a doula, a nonmedical professional who provides physical and emotional support before, during, and after childbirth. Technically, a woman’s obstetrician or midwife should be considered as part of that team as well. But it can be difficult to have a positive birth experience with a medical professional who is at odds with your wishes as a patient.

Webb advises taking action sooner rather than later if you do not feel comfortable with someone on your birth team prior to going into labor.  “If you see someone who is not being a good team member, ” she says, “it’s time to open up the draft and start looking for someone else to help you win the game of health and of having a positive birth experience.”

Expectant mothers should definitely use the Internet to their advantage when looking for resources for pregnancy and beyond. Nicole Deggins, a certified nurse midwife with over 20 years of experience, founded SistaMidwife.com to give Black women a starting point in finding support for empowering childbirth experiences. The site provides a directory for doula services across the country, in addition to offering “education and training through teleconferences, webinars, keynotes and live workshops.”

The International Center for Traditional Childbearing is a midwifery and doula training organization that also hosts a treasure trove of resources on infant mortality, Black midwifery, and breastfeeding support on its website.

Ultimately, Black mothers need to know they have rights during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum care. If you are unable to build a network of support, there are still ways you can advocate for yourself. Self-education is a powerful tool. Deggins suggests that women exercise their rights to informed refusal, to delay or decline unwanted procedures, or to ask medical providers if there is cause for concern if they have misgivings about consenting to a procedure.

If mothers need to inform authorities about improper treatment by a healthcare professional, they may contact their hospital’s ombudsman to make a complaint. Evidenced-based birth organization Improving Birth provides an excellent guide on how to file complaints.

The birth of our precious babies should not be cause to worry about mistreatment. But community support is invaluable in arming women with the resources it takes to get their voices heard. It not only takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a village to safely deliver them, too.

Did you have (or will you have) a birth support advocate during pregnancy and delivery?

Запись It Takes a Village: Resources for Black Moms to Advocate for Healthy Childbirth впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I never thought that after already being blessed with four children my body would carry twins. When I went for my first prenatal check up I was so surprised yet giddy when I got the news. I always entertained the thought of having twins, but never thought it would actually happen. But once I got off my excitement high, and acknowledged this blessing from God, the reality hit! I had so many questions, and encountered many things that I really just wasn’t prepared for.

People reaction’s are always nerve racking to me. Once we found out we were pregnant, I was ready to shoot down the negative comments that were certain to come my way. We have four now, and those four alone generate so many judgmental opinions. But once family, friends, and strangers learned two more were on the way…hmmmmm… Let’s just say I had to really go into some major praying. For the most part strangers were more encouraging than close relatives. My kids got a kick out of letting everyone know that “mommy has two babies inside of her!” I had to ask them why they kept telling everyone. Their response was, “because we love when their mouth opens wide and their eyes get real big.”

Morning sickness for the first three months — which was double the sickness I had from carrying one. House work and taking care of the kids have all been pushed on my husband. Headaches felt like my head was burning. There were times I could not get out of bed, or I’d have to stay in a room with no lights on. I had to eat literally every hour on the hour or who knows what would come out of my mouth. Now it’s every two hours. Oh and I spit all day everyday! If you live here in Portland you would see me either with a plastic cup in my hand, a bottle of water to keep the spit down or me going off to the side to spit in the street somewhere. It’s so embarrassing but what’s worse is trying to hold a conversation with someone with a mouth full of saliva because I have no where to spit. My husband and kids cannot stand it because while Im trying to talk to them they have to run and get my bucket and ask me to start all over again. For those that haven’t heard of this, it’s called Ptyalism. You can read more about it here.

My doctor appointments have been challenging because now that all four kids are home for the summer, my husband has to take off time from work or we have to ask someone to babysit. Being pregnant with twins is considered “high risk” and my past experience with stillbirth means I am being monitored even more during this pregnancy. I have to do more ultrasounds than I want to so the doctors can make sure the babies are growing and getting their proper nutrients. I really wanted to go with a midwife and experience a natural child birth, but many midwives here in Portland won’t touch a twin pregnancy, or I’m not comfortable with their level of experience.

Figuring out who will watch the kids when I go into labor has been major for me because I really don’t have the same support out here that I had back at home. And not everyone is game to watch four kids all at one time. One night/day to watch all four might not be a problem, but three days/nights in a row can be. Splitting them up is not an option for me, but God is a miracle worker and He has never let us down, so my husband and I will continue to pray and see what happens.

A larger vehicle was recently purchase due to our growing family. We had a 7 passenger van but with two more on the way, making a total of 8 of us, we had to upgrade to an 8 passenger truck. If we have any more babies we will have to get a mini school bus…YIKES!!!!

I’ve slowed me down a lot. My husband has taken most of those responsibilities off my hands and Lord knows I am so grateful. But for the most part I take it one day at a time and often have to explain to the kids they can be a big help to mommy by listening and being patient as I take longer than usual to do my normal activities and tasks. They actually are making this pregnancy go fast because they keep me so busy and distracted from it. But there are times when I get so out of breath that I can’t finish my sentences. ? But it’s will all be worth it once we meet and welcome our twins!

Kim is the author of  where she discovers what it means to be a woman of GOD, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and entrepreneur. You can follow her on Twitter @Reboryn.

Запись I’m Pregnant With Twins and Raising 4 Young Children — The Challenges and the Joys впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

You’re pregnant with your first and checking out all your options. Or it’s your second or third baby, and you’re wanting a different experience than the last time around.  Maybe no epidural, definitely not that awful Pitocin.

Where do you start, and how do you get the experience you’re looking for?

A lot of things about birth are out of our control, but one very important thing is not – your choice of provider. My number one piece of advice is to find a provider whom you trust implicitly and who is on the same page.

Based on your insurance situation and your state regulations (ex: Certified Nurse Midwives, CNMs, are illegal in my home state), you may be limited.  Regardless, I encourage you to interview prospective providers.  If you are a low-risk pregnant woman, here are some questions to ask and, maybe more importantly, answers to look for.

1.       What is your policy for induction in regards to late-term pregnancy (after 41 weeks), macrosomia (big baby), and PROM (premature rupture of membranes, or water breaking before contractions start)? 

In my experience, this is the most important question. Why?

Evidence.  We have evidence that says that “big” babies are not helped by being born early (and ACOG now says the same!), and we have evidence that says that induction is not necessarily helpful immediately after water breaks. And we the evidence we have for induction in the 41^st week is so thin that the risks of inductions need to be weighed against the “risk” of waiting.

If your provider does these things routinely, absent of other indications, she/he is not practicing based on evidence. Over and over again, I have seen women scared into unnecessary inductions. If you really want a natural birth, find a provider whose induction protocol matches evidence.

The key is to really listen to the provider’s answer. Does she skirt the question? Does he just say, “Well, it all depends on your baby. After all, we want a healthy baby, health mom.” Honestly, this answer is insulting. Obviously, you want your baby to born healthy and safe.

When you’re asking your provider these questions, you’re looking for evidenced-based, information-filled answers. You want your provider to act as a member of the team (of which you are captain!) and welcome you into the process of informed-decision making. For any intervention, the provider should use evidence to describe to you the risks, the benefits, and the alternatives. If he shames you for asking such questions, move on to the next interview.

2.       Can you describe your philosophy of birth?

This is an open-ended question that might catch the provider off-guard, but the answer will be informing. Does he think that birth is a natural, physiological process, and he is a helper, almost a guide or a safe-keeper? Or does he think that birth is an accident waiting to happen? Something to be managed, almost like an illness.  Listen carefully.

3.       Do the other providers in your group share your philosophies and practice?

I’ve mentioned this before, but your provider’s group matters as much as the primary doctor or midwife herself. You never know who will show up when you’re in labor. Do the other doctors or midwives have the same philosophy of birth?’

4.       How do you help women laboring without medications achieve their goals?

A provider comfortable and experienced with natural birth should be able to describe the ways the staff and hospital are equipped to help you labor. Listen for the provider to feel totally comfortable and glad to offer you these options – things like walking around, using the shower and tub, eating and drinking as you want, being monitored intermittently, etc. If she seems hesitant or talks about “allowing” you to do these things, it’s probably a sign that it’s not the norm in her practice.

Bottom line – look for someone you can trust without reservation. You know that they believe in normal, physiological birth and are on your team, keeping watch over you as you experience one of life’s toughest and most transforming moments.

Ladies, would you add anything to this list?

Lindsey lives on and loves the west side of Chicago with her husband Mike and her kids – Caleb, 4 and Lily, 3. She works part time as a doula and childbirth educator and is fascinated by birth. In winter she likes to bake with sourdough, and in summer she likes everything. In all things, she is covered with God’s grace.

Запись 4 Key Questions to Ask Potential Care Providers For a Natural Birth впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

When women ask me what the biggest shock of becoming a mother was, my answer often surprises them: adjusting to a new lifestyle.  Becoming a mother is one of the most empowering changes I’ve experienced.  I didn’t realize, though, how much my daily life would change.  Yeah, I knew my son would require a lot of attention and care, but I didn’t realize that I would have to wait until my son woke up from a nap to go to Target.  Or that I might feel too exhausted to hang out with friends even if I had a babysitter.  Or that having a old rear-wheel drive Caprice Classic set up for cruising with music blasting (it’s a Detroit thing) probably wasn’t the best baby transportation for Michigan winters.  Some days I would look in the mirror and ask, “Who are you?”  In other words, I wasn’t mentally prepared for the ways my life would change when I became a mother.  So I encourage would-be and will-be moms to get ready.

So how do you that?  Here are 10 ideas!

1. Take a “babymoon”.  Take some time to travel to a new place or even an old favorite before the baby comes.  While I was pregnant with my son, I went to New Orleans with a girlfriend and had a great time.  If you don’t have the money or time to travel, take a stay-cation, relax and rest.  You’ll need it.

2. Do something silly.  Having a kid tends to make people feel more responsible.  I’m not saying you don’t have silly moments, but after your child comes, you start seeing yourself through his or her eyes.  That might stop you dead in your tracks when you want to dance barefoot in the rain, for example, because you want to set a ‘good example’.  So go ahead, dance in the rain now while no one’s watching.

3. Enjoy some child-free sex. You know those hours-long sessions that resulted in you getting pregnant? It won’t be the same when a kid’s around. Trust me.

4. Get used to all the “stuff” that comes with a child.  When you have a baby, you don’t just have the baby.  You have the diaper bag, the changes of clothes, the stroller, the pack and play, the toys.  Carrying all this “stuff” smoothly takes practice, so enjoy not being a bag lady before the baby comes.

5. Baby sit.  Maybe some of you spend a lot of time with babies and already know what to expect.  Me?  I was living the free and easy single life.  The first day I brought my son home from the hospital, I spent at least a half-hour staring at him and asking him, “How am I gonna take care of you!?”  So if you think that might be you, find a mama-baby pair and spend some time with them.  Then try taking the jump into babysitting for a few hours to see how it feels.

6. Move your body.  It’s tempting to spend your pregnancy sitting in front of the TV and eating.  But it doesn’t pay off after the pregnancy when you could use a healthy body when dealing with the work of mothering a newborn.  So move your body while you’re pregnant if you can.  Go for walks, take a pregnancy fitness class—there are multiple ways you can move your body and stay healthy.

7. Clean house.  Not that nesting-type cleaning.  Purge!  Nothing is going to annoy you more than having a lot of junk you don’t need in the midst of all the stuff that comes with raising a baby (see #4).  You likely won’t have the energy to deal with it for a while either.  If you can get rid of some things beforehand, you may feel more at peace afterwards.

8. Save some money.  One place I really felt the shock was in my wallet.  Babies are expensive!  Again, having not had much time with babies before my own, I didn’t realize this.  I spent way too much money at Target while pregnant and had little to show for it than junk (see #7).  Save your money for the baby.

9. Start a journal if you don’t have one. You’ll want to record your journey through motherhood, but if you aren’t in the habit of doing it, you may not pick it up when you’re in the midst of wiping drool and changing diapers.  It also helps you make sense of all the changes and transitions in your life.  And speaking of developing habits…

10. Make a commitment to follow a dream by moving forward on one major step.   After having a baby, if you’re not careful, you may leave your dreams behind. Do something to put your dreams into action now, so you can know you got started.  Even if your goals change over time, at least you made the commitment to follow through on something that is important to you.

But what if you’ve already had your baby and you’re asking yourself, “How do I get myself back?”  Don’t worry.  The feeling of being someone else is temporary.  Eventually, you’ll learn how pre-mama you and mama-you fit together.  Your energy is better spent bonding with your beautiful child.  But while that precious baby is asleep, go ahead and sneak in a barefoot dance in the rain.  I won’t tell.

Dr. Ebony Reddock’s mission is to support mothers in living healthier, more balanced lives. She is a writer, researcher and workshop facilitator on mothers’ health and wellness. She’s also an advocate for the conditions that help mothers take care of themselves and their families. You can find more information about her work, including her blog and other resources, at ecreddock.com

Запись 10 Ways to Prepare Mentally and Emotionally for Motherhood впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I remember all the doctors and nurses going on and on about the benefits of breastfeeding.  One benefit that would always come up was that breastfeeding was free and would save you more money compared to formula.  While this is true since all you really need to breastfeed is a baby and a breast, I later found myself finding so many more things to purchase.  Some items were useful and others were not.  There are many items I wished I had heard about before I gave birth.  Here are some items you may find helpful.

1. Nursing Pads
You will absolutely need these!  Especially in the beginning.  I do not know if there is anything more embarrassing than leaking breast milk.  You can choose from disposable nursing pads or cloth ones, but make sure you pack these in your bag for the hospital.  Later on, you will find that you may not need them as much or may be able to do without them all together, but definitely have them in the beginning.

2. Sleepy Bra
This will be helpful in keeping those nursing pads in place while you sleep.  It is also very comfortable and feels like a t-shirt.  Not something you want to walk out of the house with as it does not provide much support, but nice for bedtime.

3. Nursing Bra
When you are out and about, you will want to nurse with comfort.  Get some bras that allow you to nurse without totally getting undressed.  You may have to buy new bras anyway while you are pregnant because of your size change, so make sure you get a good fit and one that allows for nursing with ease.

4. Pumping Bustier
For all the mamas who use a double electric pump, you need this!  I could not believe this did not come with my electric pump.  After I got one of these, I got another for work, and another for a friend, and another for a baby shower.  Who has time to be sitting there holding the bottles while pumping?  This make things so much easier.  You are free to multi-task while pumping or incorporate manual expression for maximum production.

5. Booby Tubes
These are neat little darlings that can be heated up in the microwave and then placed in your bra or pumping bra to help the milk flow.  They can also be put in the freezer to help ease the pain for mommies who are dealing with engorgement.

6. Nipple Cream
There are many brands out there.  Lansinoh is very thick and Mother Love makes a brand that is vegan and thinner.  Try out each brand and see which one you like best.

7. Nursing Shirts
While not totally necessary, they are pretty cool.  There are tons of specially designed shirts that are made for nursing mothers.

8. LactMED app and website
This is actually free and a very valuable resource.  I do research anytime I need to take medication and consult with my doctor as well.

9. Milk Storage
For milk that will stay in the refrigerator,  labeling lids were the best.  It’s so much better than masking tape. Just turn the lid to the date and time of day it was pumped.  If you plan to keep the milk over a week, it needs to go in the freezer. You will need special bags for frozen milk.  Also, a good ice pack will keep milk cold and fresh for up to 12 hours.

And the one thing I didn’t really need
Nursing Cover
This is one thing I thought I would use often. However, I soon realized it was not as useful as I thought.  The more I nursed in public I realized that the cover irritated my baby and she was always trying to pull it off.  It serrved more as a distraction than as a tool for privacy.  My toddler now uses it as a super hero cape so it has not gone to waste.

Ladies, what would you add to this list? What items did you find to be essential when you were breastfeeding

Angele is a wife to a wonderful creative husband, mother to two beautiful intelligent daughters and a lover of art, education and laughter.  She is the creator and author of ABC remix.

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I recently read the book, 7 Myths of Working Mothers by Suzanne Venker, and I thought it was a thought-provoking read. She contends that most careers are just not accommodating to mothers who really want to spend time with their children.

But the idea that struck me most is the reason why many women — who want to be stay-at-home-mothers — end up working is because they didn’t plan for motherhood. Women who know they want to stay at home with their children need to be encouraged to actually plan for motherhood soon after college.

This made me think about my own choices, and those of many of my friends. A lot of times we have children that we have not particularly planned for or, at least, didn’t plan wisely for. So if we want to stay home, we either struggle financially or end up working outside the home.

I think it’s a good idea for young women with homemaking ambitions to think about and actively plan for the time they will be out of the workforce or working from home with young children.  Nothing is guaranteed, of course.  But imagine if a young woman spent the first five years or so post college working and saving and investing money precisely for the time when she will be a stay-at-home mother?

A woman could also focus on growing a home business that, in the future, could support her family while she stays home with the children. What better time to devote the endless hours needed to get a side business going than when you are single and/or childless? 

I only have one friend who followed Suzanne Venker’s advice.  She married right after college and worked for about five or six years in a successful job while actively saving money towards her future life as a stay-at-home mom. That is not the norm.

I often think about the time before I had children, and all the free time I had that I wish I’d devoted to developing a home business.  Of course, it’s never too late to do anything, but a woman’s single years allow her the most freedom to do what she wants.

Women who are single and/or childless, and desire to be stay-at-home mothers, should be encouraged to use this time now, while they have it, to pursue whatever dreams they have, and save and invest their money for the future.  It seems like common sense, but quite a few women don’t actually do this.  They’re living in the now, which is easy to do.

This advice also applies to women who want to stay in the work force and pursue careers after having children.
Wouldn’t it be great to have a nest egg already in place, and a life that is set up to support any decision she makes regarding work and kids. Planning can make all the difference between having the choice to do what you want to do versus doing what you have to do.

Here are 3 points from Venker’s book that are worth considering;

 1.  Choose a career that works well with motherhood
This includes careers that offer flexible schedules, options to work from home, don’t require a lot of traveling, and don’t require working long, demanding hours.

2. Plan to live near your parents or siblings.
Venker asserts that many women find that they do not want to raise a family with no family of their own nearby.  Having family support helps mothers combat feelings of isolation, provides respite so they can refresh and recharge, and provides overall support in undertaking the huge responsibility of motherhood.

3. Be responsible with your finances before motherhood
Financial mistakes made prior to having children can determine whether you will be able to stay home with your children or not.  Women should save and invest money, decline buying a house that requires two incomes, refuse to acquire a lot of debt, and possibly delay motherhood until finances are truly in order.

Ladies, what are your thoughts? Did you plan for motherhood? Why or why not? Do you wish you had? Share your experiences!

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Baby showers are usually planned and executed by the expecting mother’s circle of friends, as they help her prepare for her new bundle of joy. But, not every pregnant mother wants to hand over the reigns for this once-in-a-lifetime event; and that’s perfectly fine – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Maybe you don’t like surprises, or since you’ve planned all your friends’ showers, you know that can throw a great shower. Or, it could be that you just don’t want anyone to mess up this milestone in your life, so you think it would be best for you to do it yourself. Whatever your reason, planning a baby shower is an excellent opportunity to celebrate new life with those who love and support you. Plus, it’s the easiest way for your ‘village’ to make tangible contributions towards a resourceful and comfortable first year for your baby. However, just like planning any other important celebratory event, it’s quite easy for you to get so overwhelmed by the fine details that the essence of the event may be lost in the process. Then, if you add to the mix your rollercoaster emotions, swollen feet, sore muscles and third trimester nausea – the situation can begin to look dismal in a quick minute! But, it doesn’t need to – because your baby shower isn’t about selecting the right decor, designing the ideal invitations nor hiring the best caterer. Your baby shower should be a moment for you to sit back and soak up the reality that your little one is on the way and for you to be reminded that you have people who care about your expanding family.

Over the last 10 years, I have been to a number of baby showers and I have to admit that though I’ve remained in touch with the parents and children from those showers, I hardly remember the details of any of the events. I just remember the emotional atmosphere that was created by the coming together of loved ones, who were enthused about welcoming a new life into their community. So, as you plan your party, please try to keep that in mind. This needs to be a time for absorbing the love and support from your baby’s ‘village’. Once that perspective is grasped, the next step is to make your guest list, decide on the theme, choose how you’ll accept your gifts and select some party activities. If you’re like me, you don’t like run-of-the-mill, so I’ll help you out with some baby shower inspiration, because we all know that you already have enough on your mind!

The following themes and activities are just to get your creative juices flowing, so you can mix and match them as you see fit:

1. Breakfast in Bed
Sometimes an expecting mother isn’t able to move around easily, because she may be on bed-rest, for example. But, that shouldn’t stop you from having a party! You can create an event that centres on you remaining in bed and being waited on, hand and foot. Suitable activities could be art and craft, like having guests design art for personalised baby onesies or games like Pictionary that allow for energetic but stationary fun.

2. Milk Bar 
If you’re a mommy who plans to breastfeed, you may want to use your party as a time to celebrate the wonders of liquid gold. All the guests could be asked to wear white. All the food and beverages could be milk-based. (Non-dairy milks like coconut milk and almond milk are a safe way to have fun without triggering allergies or dairy sensitivities). You may serve snacks from booby-styled bowls, and beverages or condiments from nipple-topped cups and bottles. With milky-themed games, like posing in the most awkward nursing positions, spray-painted baby bottles (gold, silver and bronze) would make great trophies.

3. Sports Day BBQ
If you are able to host the party outdoors, a cook-out is a great way to get the men involved in managing all the food prep and games. This way, you and the other ladies get to relax and enjoy the fresh air. The dishes can be simple, but delicious and the games can be the type fathers enjoy playing with their children, like ball games, ring games, sprint races or hide -n-seek. A great way to calm a nervous, first-time Daddy.

4. Chocolate Spa
A deserving treat for any mommy-to-be is a day at the spa. So, you could load up on all sorts of chocolatey treats, while you get some pampering for your chocolate skin & curly hair. Some beauty therapists will do spa parties at your home, or you and your girlfriends could pamper each other. Add an ice-cream bar and just forget the extra pounds while you’re at it. Because you won’t be in spa mode for quite a while.

5. Dancehall
You may have been a party-lover or enjoyed dancing as a hobby before getting pregnant, but just spent months missing out on the party scene or took a break from your dance routine because of all the changes taking place in your body. Now it’s time to arrange for some lively music and vibrant dancing! Ensure all your participants come prepared to shake their legs in dance offs or to show their love for music in DJ clashes.

6. Pregnant Papa
Don’t leave the proud father out of the festivities. Let him and all his friends, your girlfriends’ spouses, the grandfathers, your brothers – all the men – wear sand-loaded backpacks in front of them for the duration of the event. Just make sure to give them some vigorous sports to play while ‘pregnant’, and send them to ‘Daddy Bootcamp’ with diaper-changes, bath-duty and other fun parenting tasks.

7. Raffle
You may have already bought or received most of your baby gear, but you could do with some extra cash or some postpartum helpers. Have your guests enter a raffle to win something cool, like a gift basket or choosing your baby’s middle name. Then allow your guests to sign up for gift certificates to service you as new parents with free meals, laundry service, babysitting, housecleaning or diaper changes.

In all your planning, remember to recruit your friends and relatives to help with pulling off the event. Once you’ve decided on your guest list, theme and activities, be sure to get some help with preparing the food, venue and other resources for the shower. It’s important that you don’t go overboard in being ‘party host’ or supervisor, because the point of a baby shower is to celebrate your little bun in the oven. Plus, you never know – your loved ones may still find ways of surprising you in the midst of the party that you planned. But, at least you still would have put on the baby shower of your dreams.

Ladies, what was your baby shower like? What creative ideas would you add to the list?

Didan Ashanta is a natural living enthusiast who blogs at DidanAshanta.com. A native of Jamaica, she currently lives in Tokyo with her husband and 1-year-old daughter.

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