Okay… So I think I have a contender for worst mommy day ever: My husband is out of town, my mother-in-law was supposed to move in and help me, but her husband fell down a flight of stairs, so she had to leave. I figured, well at least the nanny can cover for her. But Valentina had to make an emergency trip back to Colombia to sign some paperwork. So, it’s just me and Noah, and I’ve barely made a dent in my work for the day. I get a little bit done and start preparing dinner when the smell of poop wafts in the air. Noah is sick — from the fast food I served him hastily in the afternoon because it was lunch time and, since I had no help, I had no meal prepared. The poop has overflowed out of his diaper and is all over the living room carpet and floor. And he is PLAYING IN IT. I hastily scoop him up and dump him in the tub, not sure whether to handle the poop on his body or the poop on the ground first. In my moment of indecision I don’t notice that he’s climbed out of the tub and is sitting on the floor — now infecting a whole new area of the house with his poop. I finally get him bathed, and spend the next hour and a half furiously disinfecting. And my day is done. Oh wait, no it isn’t, because I still have 4 hours of work left to do. I finish my work — half awake — and finally get to bed at 2:00 a.m. Only to have to wake up this morning at 7:00.

It’s a gross story for sure… but most of my mommy friends began chiming in with their own funny and horrific stories of poopy disasters (hey! it happens to the best of us!) The thread was 23 comments long before a friend suggested I invite the mothers on Baby and Blog to share their own stories.

So today, I am extending you that opportunity. Share your worst diaper disaster — the hilarious, the tragic, the horrific, the epic — for a chance to win a CURLS It’s a Curl Baby Kit.

The kit includes Peek A Boo tearless shampoo, Patty Cake Conditioner, Itsy Bitsy Spirals Moisturizer and Ring Around the Curlies Leave In Cream.

The giveaway is open until Monday at midnight (US central time) and 3 winners will be selected. Alright ladies, let’s hear those stories!

Запись Share Your Worst #DiaperDisaster For a Chance to Win a CURLS Baby Kit впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

As you all know, I started this blog because during my pregnancy I could barely find any blogs written by black mothers. Well, I’m almost a year into doing Baby and Blog, and I’m still having trouble finding you guys! So I decided to start a blog roll!

If you are a black mommy blogger, introduce yourself in the comments and give us the link to your site. I’ll add it to our Black Mommy Bloggers Directory.

Looking forward to e-meeting you all!

Запись Black Mommy Blog Roll Call! Add Your Blog to Our List впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I’ve shared before that I started this site because, during my pregnancy, I was surprised at how few black mom blogs existed. Now that I’m in the mommy blogging game, I realize that that wasn’t entirely true. I really wasn’t looking hard enough, because there are quite a few awesome blogs out there written by some incredible black moms. But they certainly don’t have the visibility or name recognition of the top mommy blogs.

So this site was designed to be a take on motherhood, by black women. Simple, right? Not so much.

In the few months that Baby and Blog has existed, I have fielded many accusations from non-black mothers that this space is racist. Yes, racist. I have been told that Baby and Blog is exclusionary, and racist, and wrong, and that I should be ashamed of myself.

These accusations don’t offend me, they fascinate me. And they have forced me to think hard about what I’m trying to accomplish here and why.

And after some soul searching I’ve come to the conclusion that I love this space, I need this space, and I want this space. And it certainly is not racist.

A few months back I was chatting with my friend Lisa*. Lisa is my playdate partner and an old college schoolmate. She is Chinese American. In her spacious kitchen we discussed neighborhoods. I was looking to move out of mine and was struggling with where to go next. I lamented how segregated Chicago is, and how difficult it is to find diverse communities here.

But while I was in search of a diverse community, Lisa was in search of Chinese-American community. Her parents are immigrants, and she wants their language and customs to be familiar to her children.

Her children are American, yes, but their cultural heritage is also in China. And they will have to negotiate that dual heritage as they grow. In the meanwhile, Lisa wants them to be armed with cultural knowledge.

Parenting is not just about taking care of kids. It is about passing down traditions and history. Blacks in America have a unique history and experience, and it’s worth preserving, acknowledging and passing down. We’re often made to feel that it isn’t. But it is.

We’re made to feel ashamed for identifying it, for reveling in it, for prioritizing it. But we shouldn’t.

I would never shame Lisa, or an Indian American or an Irish American for celebrating their dual heritage and seeking community. So why should I feel shame?

As black Americans, it’s not just our history and heritage that is shared. It’s the uniqueness of our current experience. Of learning how to take care of curly and coily hair, or teaching our kids to love their brown skin. Sometimes we share the harder things, like overcoming socioeconomic disparities, or creating rich experiences in communities that lack resources, or dealing with racial prejudice. These experiences are not universal to all black mothers in America, but the experiences do overlap.

And of course, a lot of what we experience as mothers is universal. I can learn about breastfeeding, or co-sleeping, or baby-wearing from anyone. And I did. I owe my incredible and easy childbirth to two caring and empathetic midwives, who were white. I only survived breastfeeding because of a white lactation consultant who told me to call her “any time” and eventually stopped charging because I called and showed up to her office so much. I am deeply grateful to these women. I admire and I respect them.

But finding books that affirm black boys, or room decor that affirms black girls. Learning how to encourage my son to question the unjust society he lives in, or how to celebrate Kwanzaa. These are things that I need YOU for. You the women who write these pieces, you the women who comment and share your advice.

So, yes I love this space. And no, it’s not racist. To reduce this community to a question of inclusion or exclusion is to miss the point entirely. This is a space designed to teach, to fellowship and to celebrate.

Leila Noelliste is the founder and editor of Baby and Blog and Black Girl with Long Hair.

*Name has been changed to protect privacy

Запись Who Knew That Starting a Black Mommy Blog Would Be This Controversial? впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Alicia Barnes, liciabobesha.com

Two years ago I was just getting to know this squishy face. Today, I have thousands* of photos documenting from then to now.

I have him taking his first latch. I have him before his first bath. I have him discovering his hands. I have him sitting up. I have him throwing balls, starting to crawl, splashing in the tub, sleeping in his car seat, sipping out of a straw, shopping at the grocery store, learning to slide, looking out the airplane window, throwing sand at the beach, opening presents, hugging friends, and shaking his head.

Less than a month old and with his great grandmother. A photo we’ll cherish forever especially as her health has declined.

I take too many photos. I know it. They take up gigs on my computer. I have trouble keeping up with editing, sorting, and sharing them all, yet I keep taking photos. I can’t stop. I won’t stop, and here’s why: the only time time stops is when it’s frozen in a photo.

The last two years have gone by so fast I can barely remember them. Each photo helps me to not only slow down time, but to stop it. Photos are my time machine. My child will never be as young again as he is in the split second that photo was taken.

Photos are magic in that way. Time passes, but a smile captured in a photo lives on even after the person smiling doesn’t. There’s a reason people hang photos on walls and store decades worth of albums. There’s a reason why historical societies and libraries scan and preserve crumbling images of strangers. Photos tell a story in a way nothing else can. Photos are a history with fewer complications than words. Photos are not bound by language. Photos taken in Germany, China, India, Canada, or Chile can be easily “read” even by small children regardless of their native language or land.

He grabbed his feet and I grabbed my camera! I’m not sure who was more excited about him finding his feet.

Yes, I take and share too many photos. I know. I have no doubt that I’ve lost Facebook friends over it. I don’t mind. I take and post for me, my family and friends. We don’t have the luxury of living near family. Each update is a chance for my parents, brother and sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, to feel connected, to watch him progress, to rejoice with me as he meets yet another milestone. So I keep taking photos.

I take photos because I have never seen a photo of my father before he was 19 years old. I have seen exactly one of my mother before that age. They didn’t come from families with the resources for photos. I don’t know what my parents looked like as babies. I don’t know what my great grandparents (save one photo of my great grandfather) looked like at any point in their lives. I don’t even have many photos of my own grandparents (one of which I’ve never seen). There has been too much history lost, so I keep taking photos.

He clapped. I clicked. He was so proud of learning to clap his hands.

My descendants will have a photo history of my family. While it seems like a glut now, storage fails. Hurricanes and fires happen. Technology becomes obsolete. Boxes are lost, discarded, stolen. I have no delusions that all of these photos I take will be around forever, but the more there are, the more I have to enjoy now and the more that will survive and be preserved indefinitely.

So yes, I take too many photos and post too many photos. I don’t regret it one bit. How could I regret capturing any of these moments:

* This number is totally made up. I have no idea how many photos I have other than to say a whole lot. Gigs upon beautiful, cherished gigs.

Alicia is a mother of one, currently living her plan C or maybe D or F in a small college town where she where she proudly takes too many photos and posts them at her site, liciabobesha.com.

Запись Why I Won’t Stop Taking Too Many Photos of My Kid впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Jenn Jackson

My husband and I have three gorgeous children. Our oldest will be six next month. Our youngest just arrived last month. We were married in 2006 after dating for three years. We are college sweethearts. Next spring, we will celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary. And, if you did the math, that means that all of our children were born in wedlock. They were planned. They were and are wanted. They are the best things God has ever blessed us with. Ever.

But, everyday, living in Orange County, California, I am reminded that my story, though beautiful and non-unique, will never be what is expected or assumed of me. Every side eye I get, every judgmental stare shames me. Yes, shame works that way. It can be evoked even from people who have nothing to be ashamed of. Why? Well, because I’m black. It’s just that simple. Being black while (insert most things) can result in shame, personal harm, or even death. For me, it’s usually shame. And, sadly, it has become another one of those ‘things’ I have normalized.

From the picture above, you may notice that I am taller than my husband. At six feet four inches tall, I am taller than most people. He and I started as best friends and never thought of dating until our love smacked us each in our respective craniums. Me being taller than him has never been an issue mainly because he is the foinest thing I have ever seen on two legs. I like to think he thinks the same thing about me. But, beyond that, my husband is a brilliant, understated man. He endures my insane ways and manages to do it with a genuine smile. And, he is the absolute best father I could have ever wanted for my children. Everyday he tries to improve himself and our household. We each take our responsibility as parents incredibly seriously. Sometimes too seriously. But, our kids are worth it to us.

We both grew up without our fathers in the household. For different reasons and circumstances, we both struggled for years with having positive relationships with them. And, for me, I have had a long bumpy road with my parents. I am proud to say that, today, all is well for both of us.

But, because we haven’t had the picturesque life everyone hopes for, we have a deep desire to be the best parents possible to our children. We have an incredible appreciation for our mothers (and other single mothers out there) because they worked so hard to make us who we are today. Our parental tenets are our love letters to each other everyday.

So, one would think everything is perfect behind this picket fence? Right? It would be safe to assume that since we did everything the “right” or “conventional” way, we never deal with marginalization or judgment. Right? Wrong. We endure it everyday. Even simple daily chores are intimidating and even scary at times.

Orange County is predominantly white. It has the highest population of Republicans in the country. And, blacks are a tiny minority here. My husband grew up here, just about five minutes from where we bought our home. The city of Orange, in the northern part of the county, is right next to Anaheim – known for its hockey and baseball teams. It is fair to say we are a long way from Kansas (in some alternate universe where Kansas is a utopian society of hipster black folks like us). We knew all this when we chose to put our roots down here. We wanted our kids in good schools and safe neighborhoods. But, we never considered the racialized byproducts of that lifestyle. And, we never thought about what it would be like to be the only black family in our neighborhood.

What’s it like for my family at the local park? Well, the kids always have fun. I usually stroll up to a park filled with children. They are usually white and Asian. And, while all of the parents speak to one another, they rarely speak to me. After living here for almost six years and visiting the park over 100 times, I can count on one hand the number of times someone spoke with me jovially at the park. And, I can count on two hands the number of times other children did the same with my children.

Whenever I take the children to the park alone, without my husband, groups of women never return my glance or smile. Instead, they look at me once and return to their conversation. I have had people glance at my ring finger hoping to disprove their core thesis developed in their mind about me. When they see my gorgeous wedding set, I see the relief flow over their furrowed eyebrows and wrinkled foreheads. “Oh, so she isn’t one of the ‘them’, ” I imagine them reciting in their minds.

But, when I’m pregnant, I don’t wear my wedding set. It’s then that I become the welfare mom. I become the uneducated moocher sex-machine only good for procreation. The furrows and wrinkles don’t go away. Instead, they become scowls and whispers. I’ve even had an older white male shake his head at me in disapproval. Truthfully, we aren’t even in the nicest part of Orange County. That part is reserved for millionaires and would-be reality TV stars. So, the judgment seems a little obtuse. But, it permeates nonetheless.

The weirdest thing about our trips to the park (which is a three minute walk from our front door) is the reaction to my children from the other kids. And, maybe I shouldn’t say children. My oldest son is extremely gregarious and people – of all races – are drawn to him. My daughter, on the other hand, is a very tall two year-old who doesn’t have a complete command of the English language yet (as would be expected of her cohort). She is playful, smart, and sweet. And, though she is taller than most two year-olds, we relegate her to the same structure as other kids her age.

Usually, when we arrive, the structure is just busting with 2 to 5 year-olds. On the slides, the stairs, they’re everywhere. But, within about ten minutes of my daughter climbing on, the structure seems to clear out. The eyes from other parents and children are impossible to miss. Its like they are all wondering, “Is she going to play here? Where does she live?” Sometimes I just want to scream, “We are from here too. We live right there. Look, you can see our house. It has four bedrooms. We have two cars. We have good jobs and 401ks. I went to USC for goodness sake!” But, I never say that. I just try to have tunnel vision, staring at my kids to keep the eyes out of my line of sight.

Click here to read the rest of this story on WaterCoolerConvos.com.

Ladies, what are your thoughts? Have you ever experienced unwanted scrutiny or rejection while out with your children?

Запись I Was ‘Black While Mothering’ Today… впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Kim of

During our season of having just two children the celebration and congratulatory responses were “on and poppin”! We were treated ‘normally’, received smiles and given friendly comments. According to society and cultural standards, WE FIT IN! By the time our children increased to four, the opinions, comments, and judgments were shot at us like darts with FIRE! Even the nice comments seemed to be laced with a hint of sarcasm and humor. What is wrong with a young, black, married couple having more than two children? Why does it seem, at times, that we make people uncomfortable?

I remember when we were on baby #3 the famous comment would be, “Oh look, you are trying to start a football team!” In the back of my mind I would be like… “Uuuuhhhhh it takes more than three to start a football team, but whatever.” Now that we have four children the comments are, “You are the football team” or “You are trying to out beat the Jacksons!” Once again I’d think to myself, “You simply cannot count my friend!”

A myriad of other questions would proceed like, “Sooooooo are you going to move into a bigger place or get a bigger vehicle?, ” as if we did not consider the major changes associated with the growth of our family size. Sometimes there would be a dead silence when we announced the birth of our fourth child, as if someone just died… Really?!

The most hurtful response of all was made by a family member we highly regarded and respected, after the birth of our fourth child. It was a recommendation, suggestion, and encouragement to stop having MORE children. The rationale was, according to their perspective, having more than two kids is simply crazy in this day and age!

Do people make these comments when celebrities have multiple children? Is it because we are not multimillionaires? Is it because they fear us asking if they can babysit? LOL, I would sit and wonder “What does it have to do with you?”

We can laugh at the comments made in the past, as well as those made even now, because we have accepted that having our MANY babies are a blessing from God. Despite the odd looks when our troop invades grocery stores and spills out of our van, I am now full of peace and joy because Christ gave us four healthy, lively, intelligent, unique children. He has given us the responsibility, as well as the privilege to “train them up in the way that they should go” (Prov 22:6), teaching them to be beacons of light in this dark world.

Unlike before, I’m no longer in tears at the comments and looks of others. It was discouraging being fearful of sharing our pregnancies with others, particularly the third and fourth. No mother should be made to feel that way when embarking on one of the greatest joys and journeys of this life.

On the flip-side, there have been numerous encounters in which we received wonderful comments from strangers in passing. Not everyone frowns or is intimidated by BIG families. Because the encouragements are few and far between, we always take them to heart! Last month we took a trip back to my home town in NJ, and it was interesting to view the faces of folks as we waited at the gates before boarding our planes. I’m sure they anticipated the longest plane ride ever with a pack of loud, crying children. Well, we have the testimony that plane rides with our four small children are wonderful. The kids humored most of the passengers, who were amazed at how polite and obedient they were. Of course there were a few outbursts here and there which was expected (they are children after all), but before getting off the plane we received so many compliments. I can not lie…I expected the worst as well… shhhhhhh. But our children exceeded my husband’s and my expectations.

So If you are a mother with more than two children, or considering having more than two children, here are words of encouragement for you:

1. Expect the negative comments and ill facial expressions, but don’t receive them! Not receiving them means not letting them discourage you! Don’t be discouraged!

2. Pray and ask God how many children you are to have, and to prepare you for everything that comes with multiple children.

3. Be confident and stand firm regarding the decision you and your spouse have made concerning the number of children you desire to have. You are not having children to please family members or strangers.

4. Do not allow your current financial state or living condition to (solely) influence your decision. Remember that God can supply all of your needs. God is ultimately in control of how many children you will have. If He allows you to have them, He will help you provide for them.

Kim is the author of where she discovers what it means to be a woman of GOD, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and entrepreneur.

Запись I’ve Been Judged for Having “Too Many” Kids впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Didan Ashanta

I am a stay-at-home-mommy, a full-time/executive homemaker, a domestic logistics engineer, a housewife. Yes, I resigned from my middle management position in the food production and service industry to ‘stay home, keep house and mind baby’. No, we are NOT rich. No, we do NOT have a trust fund account to live off of. No, we do NOT have a fat salary cheque coming in each month. (In fact, I’ve prided myself on keeping our family budget below normal.) However, we do have some family values and principles which require us to make some sacrifices so that our child will have a strong developmental foundation and also that we’ll be intentional about how our family culture evolves. This arrangement may be temporary, but is keen to be sustained for the early years of childhood when little ones are most vulnerable and absorb most of their life lessons. So, at this time, our family has one main provider and one home & family manager.

Interestingly, I’ve had persons – twice in the same week – completely disregard my relevance as a full-time home and family manager (referenced in most data capturing systems as ‘housewife’). The first occurred while on a call to the bank’s customer call centre. The representative, as she updated my account info, responded, “Oh! You’re unemployed.” when I told her I was now a housewife. Then a day or two later, an older lady in the supermarket asked if I wanted to hire a babysitter. When I declined the offer, she questioned me about who was taking care of my baby, and after I told her that I provide my own child care services, she exclaimed, “Oh! Yuh not working… Is a work mi a look – fi tek care a baby.” *mouth drops* So… the WORK you want me to PAY you to do, is not a WORK if I do it myself? *blank face*

While offended, I must admit that these two reactions are accurate reflections of our society’s perception of the role of a woman. Today’s wife and mother is almost always in a salaried occupation outside of her home. Very few persons will say they know a ‘housewife’ and even fewer see the need to ‘stay home, keep house and mind baby‘. Ask any woman you know, and she will often give the knee-jerk response that she “needs the money and this is why” she has a job away from home. But, like most Jamaican women in the 60s, both my grandmothers practised full-time homemaking (even if they took on part-time gigs from time to time), because that was the way of being back then. Instead of enjoying the leisured lifestyle of the “kept woman“, both of them still saw the need for and consistently generated supplementary incomes (to support that of their spouses). These women were mompreneurs before the word was coined and operated various cottage industries, e.g. chicken farming, dressmaking, ice making and vending, cornershop, etc. This is because – even back then – one income just didn’t cut it for most families, especially since they had 6 and 10 children per household. So, from the pre-independence years until today – fifty years later, money has always been an issue for homemakers, whether they stayed at home or went out to work.

That is why these “you don’t work” encounters had me wondering if many women who are employed outside of the home realise that while they slave away at the company, their hard-earned money gets redistributed where my labour is spent. Those salaries come back to pay the housekeeper, the wash-lady, the child care service (sitter/daycare), the homework centre/extra lessons, the quick-service restaurants, school and company canteens, and supermarkets (rotisseries, pre-seasoned/pre-cooked meals), and so on. Then either way, we both still have to cover the rent/mortgage, grocery bill, utility bills, transportation costs (though mine would be lower), medical expenses, savings, etc. The reality is that every home and family needs to be cared for and managed – it is not optional. So, if you aren’t providing all of those services all of the time, then you will have to out-source them to other persons or organisations.

The homemaker, as main manager and facilitator, fills shoes in almost every department. Let’s look at some of them:

Human Resource

1. Delegation of duties
2. Vacation planning
3. Education
4. Healthcare (Dental, Optical, Immunisations, etc.)

Maintenance/Operations

1. Sanitation & Laundry
2. Decluttering & Organising
3. Meal Preparation & Planning
4. Lawn & Garden

Finance & Procurement

1. Budgeting & Controlling Expenditure
2. Banking, Taxes & Investments
3. Bill Payment
4. Purchasing Goods & Services (Food, Clothing, Furniture, Appliances, Cleaning Supplies, etc.)

Public Relations (Marketing)

1. Neighbourhood Relations
2. Family Life Event Functions
3. Family Holiday Functions
4. Community Volunteerism

After a review of  the various responsibilities of the homemaker, I’m convinced that the following courses (two of which I happened to study did up to CSEC level) should be pre-requisites for all high school graduation candidates – both male and female:

• Home & Family Management
• Principles of Business
• Child Development
• Entrepreneurship

When I got really overwhelmed in the beginning, I turned to Uncle Google and found that there are probably more blogs on homemaking than on hair and make-up (I could be wrong – LOL). The veteran homemakers even have homemaking binders or household notebooks that they make and maintain for efficiency on the job. Some are very basic, others are quite fancy and some are even designed for resale. They can include: schedules/calendars, menu plans, to do lists, shopping lists, daily routines, homeschooling lesson plans, bill schedules, children’s duty rosters, etc. Clearly an organised and efficient professional needs her tools of trade 

I’ll say that after personally observing family life in various countries and exchanging thoughts with my associates all over the world, I have concluded that the more family-oriented the culture, the more prevalent and respected the role of the housewife. However, the more individualistic and materialistic the society, the prestige is more likely awarded to the career-woman.

But, at the end of the day, a woman’s worth can never be measured by the presence of gleaming white nappies on her backyard clothesline nor the frequency with which her picture hangs in the ‘employee of the month’ frame. It is in the warmth and welcome feeling that greets visitors to her home, in the lovingly prepared meals that her family consumes and in the sense of stability and direction with which she lives from day-to-day. Today’s wife and mother is empowered enough to decide how she will function – whether she will work from home or she will go to the company for a 9-5. Neither approach to income generation and home management is faulty – it is the implementation that matters. So, my encouragement is for us to respect every woman – salaried or not – because we all have to manage our families and homes. Some of us have different strategies and priorities, but respect is due either way.

Didan Ashanta is a natural living enthusiast who blogs at DidanAshanta.com. She currently lives in Tokyo with her husband and 9-month-old daughter.

Запись I’m a Jamaican Housewife впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I am used to excelling at school and at work. I am used to being the one who figures it out early, who is ahead of the curve. But when it comes to motherhood it seems the only thing I’ve done exceptionally well is design my son’s nursery — which would mean something if he actually spent time in it (sigh).

All this to say, I have really struggled in this first year. My pride has taken a blow and self-doubt has become a somewhat familiar feeling. Things that I knew cerebrally: that parenting is not a competition and that life is a marathon and not a sprint — have become my ‘gut truths’ and my northern stars.

Here are 5 parenting duties that I’ve struggled with…

1. Breastfeeding
Cracked and bleeding nipples, low milk supply, and the 24/7 time commitment, breastfeeding tops my list of things that were waaay harder than I ever imagined they’d be. There were moments when I felt I was living a nightmare. Would I recommend it? Yes. But if you choose to breastfeed, go into it knowing the challenges, and setting up your support system. I highly recommend an extra set of hands around the house to help out while you get the hang of things.

2. Keeping my Child Entertained
Noah wants to play with me… all. the. time. I have given up the dream (fantasy?) of finding the ‘holy grail’ toy that will keep him occupied for an hour at a time. Honestly, I don’t think it exists. In his waking hours, he wants mommy to play with him, and to watch him play, and to talk to him while he’s playing, and to take him on outings and to throw him up in the air a million times while he squeals. Sound exhausting? Well it is.

3. Keeping my Child Clean
These Johnson and Johnson commercials are mad misleading yo. Maybe I’m putting myself on blast with this confession: But my son smells more like pee and house dust than fresh, soapy bubbles. Why? Because he is peeing all the time, and getting dusty all the time. Also general grooming — things like clipping his nails and brushing his teeth — those are a daily struggle. Noah should know by now that every day I will change his clothes, brush his teeth, moisturize his hair… but every day it is new to him and he resists it ferociously.

4. Keeping my Child’s Crib Clean
I wash Noah’s sheets almost every. damn. day. He’s sleeping through the night now and the sheets are almost always wet in the morning. If you know of a super-absorbent, overnight diaper that will keep the crib dry, please let me know (seriously! please do!) Because I am afraid his blankies are going to disintegrate from the constant washing!

5. Changing a Poopy Diaper
Have you ever tried to change a shit-filled diaper while your child kicked, rolled and squealed? Yes, it is as messy and gross as it sounds. And yes, the poop does get everywhere…

So there you have it. I am hopeful that things will get easier (is that even realistic?) as times goes by. In the meanwhile I am surviving on a wing and a prayer!

Ladies, what aspects of motherhood turned out to be more challenging than you expected? And I want to hear from mommies at all stages — the baby stage, the toddler stage, the child stage, the teenage stage! Give us a heads up for what’s to come!

Запись 5 Parenting Duties That Turned Out to Be Harder Than I Expected впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

When I was pregnant I did intense research of all the incredible things I could and would do for my new baby: cloth diapering, breastfeeding, reading, infant swim classes, sleep training, organic homemade food. I would be a progressive mama, giving my son that ‘next level ish’ at every turn.

Fast forward a year later, I’m 10 months into this parenting thing and I am just trying to survive! Essential to surviving is realizing that I simply can’t and won’t be able to do everything. So I thought it might be helpful to do an actual breakdown of the things I imagined I’d do… and the things I’ve actually done.

1. Breastfeeding — Did it, and it was awesome
Let me first say — It. is. HARD! Noah spent his first four months basically attached to my nipples. Which means work was an uphill battle — not to mention personal hygiene, sleep and socialization. I’m sure my family and friends still have nightmares of showing up to my apartment to find me, exhausted and laid out on the couch, milky dripping breasts there for all to see. Still, to me it was worth it. And not just for all the health reasons (greater brain function, protection against disease and infection, etc), but for the money it saved! I only made it to the 6 and a half month mark with breastfeeding, and now I’m shelling out $200 a month for formula! Not good! As hard and time consuming as breastfeeding is, I definitely think it’s worth the returns.

2. Reading to Noah — Nope!
I was so determined, when I was pregnant, to raise a ‘smart baby’. He would be surrounded by books and fall asleep every night to a bed time story. Noah is surrounded by books all right — books that he rips up, steps on and throws across the room. After the millionth time trying to read to Noah — only for him to lunge at the book and start slobbering all over it — I consulted my doctor, exasperated. He shared that the main objective of reading to infants is to increase their vocabulary — something that can also be accomplished through conversation. So, until Noah wants to do something with a book other than destroy it, we’ve taken to being as conversational with him as possible.

3. Infant gymnastics — Yes
Noah is an active baby and I am a work from home mom. So infant gymnastics kills two birds with one stone — it provides Noah with an outlet to be social and physical, and it provides me with a reason to leave the house (because I can literally go days without seeing anyone but my husband and son!)

4. Sleep training — Nope!
We don’t have time to read the sleep training book. We don’t have time to research it online. Noah wakes up 2 times a night. We give him a bottle and he goes right back to sleep. For now, that is good enough.

5. Infant swim classes — Yes
We were having so much fun with infant gymnastics that I signed us up for a mommy and me swim class too. Again, this has a lot to do with the fact that I’m a work from home mother and need to get out. I must admit, though, that swim class prep is annoying as hell. Getting a squirmy 10 month old into swim trunks, and then drying him off and getting him out of them 30 minutes later is tough.

6. Making homemade baby food — Nope!
I watched Food Inc. Perhaps I should know better. But my mother-in-law bought us a year’s supply of Gerber Baby food and, frankly, savings came before ideology on this one. I have done some juicing for Noah. But for now it’s the Gerber Baby food until it runs out.

7. Play Dates — Heavens YES!
I have met a few moms who aren’t into play dates. They say it seems kinda “mommy mafia-ish”, and it fosters disconnection from community (what happened to the good old days when you were friends with the kids on the block!) Well, as someone who lives in a condo high rise surrounded by yuppies and concrete, play dates have been my salvation! Especially because they happen at homes with actual yards. And are you seeing a theme here? Getting out of the house is definitely something I prioritize for me and Noah.

8. Cloth Diapering — Tried and Failed ?
My mother-in-law signed us up for a cloth diaper service as a baby shower gift. And initially we were super excited. But five shit explosions later, we were over it. This was when Noah was under 2 months old and we were in the thick of getting adjusted to breastfeeding. We were just too exhausted to take on another challenge. After reading Alicia’s article on cloth diapering, I realize that it probably had a lot to do with the type of diapers we had (we had to use old school diaper pins to pin them together!) Armed with more knowledge, I’d like to try this again.

9. Co-Sleeping — Noah Hated It
So this is one thing that I was really into. I loved the idea of cuddling up with my little munchkin every night. But apparently, he liked it a lot less than I did. After noticing that Noah slept more peacefully by himself, we moved him to his own sleep space. And I am still sad about it.

10. Baby Carrying — Yep!
All the benefits people spout about baby carrying are true — it’s a great hands-free way to carry your baby while getting things down. I have cleaned the kitchen, detangled my hair and gone on errands all with Noah peacefully strapped to my chest in a carrier. Now that Noah is more independent and doesn’t need to be held all the time, I’ve found another great benefit of baby carrying — exercise! Talking a walk with Noah strapped in the carrier is basically like walking around with a 20 pound weight.

11. Baby Sign Language — Forgot to Try
I researched it when I was pregnant… and literally just remembered two weeks ago that I had planned to try this. Oh well…

So there you have it. These are my confessions (in my Usher voice).

What about you ladies? What things have you tried? What works for you and what doesn’t?

Запись Things I Tried, Succeeded and Failed at in my First Year of Mommyhood впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

In February 2012 I found out that I was pregnant. It was totally unplanned and took me by surprise, and it seemed that a lot of my friends were getting pregnant around the same time. As I prepared myself mentally for a baby I scoured sites like BabyCenter.com for information and advice. And I found a lot — but not much from black moms.

So I took to extended Facebook messaging with my pregnant and mommy friends, all the while wishing there was a central space for us to share our experiences.

This is that space

So who am I…

My name is Leila and I’ve been a full-time blogger since 2009. I’m the creator and editor of the natural hair website Black Girl with Long Hair, which I started as a hobby back in 2008. Since then it’s pretty much become my life. I live in Chicago with my husband of 3 years and 8 month old son, Noah (or “Nugget” as we, and everyone else, calls him).

I’d love to e-meet you. So if you’re new to this spot, please introduce yourself in the comments ?

Запись Welcome to Baby and Blog! впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.