When I told her this baby was my first, she warned, “Do your best to take care of your little girl because you might not have another one.” I was appalled.

The story goes, “Your clock starts ticking at age 30, gets super loud when you’re 35, then just falls apart by the time you hit the big 4-0.” As such, it didn’t take long for me to start getting anxious for my friends who were dreaming of raising their own little village, but still hadn’t gotten around to baby #1 as yet.

Whether they are busy working to pay off student loans, taking care of siblings, or simply still waiting to meet Mr. Right, some sisters are trying to get some financial stability before taking on parenthood. Others are battling infertility, miscarriages, and ‘anti-fertility’ health challenges like fibroids, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), all the while the clock keeps ticking, or does it?

Let’s take a look at the top 3 myths about pregnancy for women over 35 years old.

You Have Fewer Eggs

You’ve probably heard that every baby girl comes into the world loaded with her own ‘egg bank’ – her two ovaries stocked with 1-2 million egg cells. Then by the time she hits puberty, some of those eggs are released monthly through ovulation, while many others die their naturally programmed death like other cells in the body. This being the case, by the time the average woman is in her 30’s (and past her fertile peak), her reserve of eggs has been significantly depleted to about 12%.

Truth: The concern about a low egg reserve is relevant to women who have already been diagnosed with fertility problems and are considering using In-Vitro Fertilisation to conceive. That’s because the procedure needs multiple eggs to be extracted for fertilisation. This ‘low egg reserve’ argument is a non-issue for women who are trying to conceive naturally. The thing is, if you’re only left with 12% of your eggs at age 30, that works out to more than 100, 000 eggs. You only need ONE egg to make a baby.

You Have Lower Quality Eggs

While a woman’s womb can be kept fit and fabulous, her eggs don’t have the same kind of longevity and resilience. Some of her eggs will die naturally as time passes, and the remaining eggs just get old! This results in miscarriages and babies born with Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities.

Truth: It is true that ‘older eggs’ don’t perform as well. The chances of the chromosomes dividing improperly, and the body in turn rejecting the embryo are higher in mature mothers. However, this experience is not exclusive to women in their 30s, and miscarriages are more common than we think for fertile women of all ages. While chromosomal abnormalities are more likely with older women, most children born with Down syndrome are born to women under age 35.

You Will Have a High-Risk Pregnancy

An older body is less tolerant of the demands of pregnancy, and so it is standard procedure for medical professionals to inform mature expectant mothers of the risks they face like hypertension.

Truth: Pregnant women of all ages will be at risk for complications if they have existing health conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney disease and obesity. So, it is not just for older women. Yet, if a healthy woman has become pregnant for the first time after age 35, then she needs to realise her body may or may not ‘go with the flow.’ She is more likely to have a cesarean section delivery, prolonged labour, among other things. Unlike teens (who are also high-risk during pregnancy), a first time mom aged 35 or older, is more likely to be well-educated and have better finances. As such, she is more likely to make better preparations for pregnancy, gain access to higher quality healthcare and make better health-supporting lifestyle choices.

Myths will always abound, and statistics can be deeply flawed. For women 35 years and older, the key is to be strategic when trying to conceive by tracking their cycles and timing intercourse for when they ovulate. Then throughout pregnancy, they need to practice self-care to help the body manoeuvre the 9-month transformation including any negativity they face for being over 35.

Запись Have We Been Conditioned to Panic? 3 Myths About Pregnancy Over 35 Debunked впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

You’re pregnant with your first and checking out all your options. Or it’s your second or third baby, and you’re wanting a different experience than the last time around.  Maybe no epidural, definitely not that awful Pitocin.

Where do you start, and how do you get the experience you’re looking for?

A lot of things about birth are out of our control, but one very important thing is not – your choice of provider. My number one piece of advice is to find a provider whom you trust implicitly and who is on the same page.

Based on your insurance situation and your state regulations (ex: Certified Nurse Midwives, CNMs, are illegal in my home state), you may be limited.  Regardless, I encourage you to interview prospective providers.  If you are a low-risk pregnant woman, here are some questions to ask and, maybe more importantly, answers to look for.

1.       What is your policy for induction in regards to late-term pregnancy (after 41 weeks), macrosomia (big baby), and PROM (premature rupture of membranes, or water breaking before contractions start)? 

In my experience, this is the most important question. Why?

Evidence.  We have evidence that says that “big” babies are not helped by being born early (and ACOG now says the same!), and we have evidence that says that induction is not necessarily helpful immediately after water breaks. And we the evidence we have for induction in the 41^st week is so thin that the risks of inductions need to be weighed against the “risk” of waiting.

If your provider does these things routinely, absent of other indications, she/he is not practicing based on evidence. Over and over again, I have seen women scared into unnecessary inductions. If you really want a natural birth, find a provider whose induction protocol matches evidence.

The key is to really listen to the provider’s answer. Does she skirt the question? Does he just say, “Well, it all depends on your baby. After all, we want a healthy baby, health mom.” Honestly, this answer is insulting. Obviously, you want your baby to born healthy and safe.

When you’re asking your provider these questions, you’re looking for evidenced-based, information-filled answers. You want your provider to act as a member of the team (of which you are captain!) and welcome you into the process of informed-decision making. For any intervention, the provider should use evidence to describe to you the risks, the benefits, and the alternatives. If he shames you for asking such questions, move on to the next interview.

2.       Can you describe your philosophy of birth?

This is an open-ended question that might catch the provider off-guard, but the answer will be informing. Does he think that birth is a natural, physiological process, and he is a helper, almost a guide or a safe-keeper? Or does he think that birth is an accident waiting to happen? Something to be managed, almost like an illness.  Listen carefully.

3.       Do the other providers in your group share your philosophies and practice?

I’ve mentioned this before, but your provider’s group matters as much as the primary doctor or midwife herself. You never know who will show up when you’re in labor. Do the other doctors or midwives have the same philosophy of birth?’

4.       How do you help women laboring without medications achieve their goals?

A provider comfortable and experienced with natural birth should be able to describe the ways the staff and hospital are equipped to help you labor. Listen for the provider to feel totally comfortable and glad to offer you these options – things like walking around, using the shower and tub, eating and drinking as you want, being monitored intermittently, etc. If she seems hesitant or talks about “allowing” you to do these things, it’s probably a sign that it’s not the norm in her practice.

Bottom line – look for someone you can trust without reservation. You know that they believe in normal, physiological birth and are on your team, keeping watch over you as you experience one of life’s toughest and most transforming moments.

Ladies, would you add anything to this list?

Lindsey lives on and loves the west side of Chicago with her husband Mike and her kids – Caleb, 4 and Lily, 3. She works part time as a doula and childbirth educator and is fascinated by birth. In winter she likes to bake with sourdough, and in summer she likes everything. In all things, she is covered with God’s grace.

Запись 4 Key Questions to Ask Potential Care Providers For a Natural Birth впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Midwifery in the African American community is a tradition that dates back for centuries. While current rates of home births are low among black women, there was a time when the opposite was true. Ina May Gaskin explains;

For the most part, women of color who lived in the rural south didn’t go into the hospital until the 1970s and 80s. Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Florida, and Georgia still had midwives who assisted women giving birth at home right through the 1970s. When doctors could count on Medicaid reimbursement for the first time, that situation quickly changed, and the midwives who were so needed before were forced to retire. Farther north, the pattern was somewhat different, because midwifery was outlawed in many states. Everyone was pushed into the hospital when this happened, regardless of the color of their skin. Women of color and poor white women were both used as teaching material in the teaching hospitals throughout the country. For this reason, the shift from home birth to hospital birth took place much earlier among urban women of color than it did for those in rural areas of the south.

All My Babies, A Midwife’s Own Story was created in 1952 by documentary filmmaker George C. Stoney. In 2002 it was selected by the Librarian of Congress as a “‘culturally historically and artistically significant work’” for permanent preservation in the National Film Registry.”

Here’s how its described by indie movie directory SnagFilms.com

This beautiful film is the story of “Miss Mary” Coley an African-American midwife more than half a century ago in rural Georgia. Conceived as a demonstration film for “granny” midwives its production sponsored by the Georgia Department of Public Health All My Babies quickly transcended its initial purpose. It was used around the world by UNESCO and has become an enduring classic of non-fiction film.

All My Babies was written produced and directed by George C. Stoney in close collaboration with Mrs. Coley as well as with local public health doctors and nurses and shows the preparation for and home delivery of healthy babies in both relatively good and bad rural conditions among black families at that time.

The film is in addition both a deeply respectful portrait of “Miss Mary” who is revealed as an inspiring human being and a record of the actual living conditions of her patients.

The film is about an hour long, but it’s a really good watch! It’s fascinating to see the love and sense of community involved with Miss Mary’s work of delivering healthy babies in, what was then, a very under-served community.

Did you watch the film all the way through? What are your thoughts!

Запись Fascinating 1952 Film Follows The Work of Southern Black Midwife “Miss Mary” Coley впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Louisiana mom Brikea Searile posted this gorgeous video of her water birth and it has quickly gone viral. Brikea’s partner, Marcus, acts as a support throughout the birth, massaging and coaching her while Stevie Wonder and Alicia Keys play in the background.

I had a water birth and, boy, did this bring back memories. Especially when Brikea screams, “It burns!”, because let’s be real, that crowning/shoulder-pushing is NO JOKE!

Beautiful video. Beautiful birth!

What kind of birth did you have? Share your stories below ?

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“Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.”

Ina May Gaskin, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth

We birth with our bodies.  I know that sounds pretty obvious. But stop and think for a minute – is anything else as physical as birth?  Maybe sex, though I would say that in birth, our bodies drive the process more than our emotions.

Women’s bodies are astounding. We house a human – literally growing a person from a seed. Then those same bodies stretch and tighten and stretch some more to ease the human into the world.

I remember seeing my first birth. I was 23 and had brought food to a friend having her fourth baby. After her epidural was happily in place, she asked if I wanted to stay, presumably because it was her fourth baby, and the bigger the party, the better!

Umm, sure. Yeah. I couldn’t believe I was going to witness such a thing.

We hung out for a while, and then I will never forget seeing her legs start to shake – no, quake.

She’s in transition, someone said. I had no idea what they were talking about and could only think of a video I’d seen in high school anatomy class that showed a horse in labor, its body covered with sweat and shuddering uncontrollably.

I was in charge of the video camera, and as she saw my wide eyes, my birthing friend asked if I was sure I could keep the camera where she wanted it – shoulders and up.  I nodded, and then stared open-mouthed as the baby slipped earthside. I cried quietly as he was lifted up to his mama and shouted his birth cry.

I’ll say it again – women’s bodies are astounding. And no matter how much we read or what we type into a birth plan, our body has to birth our baby.  Here are some ideas for investing in your amazing body as you prepare for birth.

1.      Start by thinking positively about your body.

I love what Ina May said above.  We must realize that our bodies were made for this. We are mammals, not machines.

For many women – myself included – this is a tall order.  I’ve been overweight most of my life, and my body has not necessarily always been a happy place for me.  My mom has told me several times, sweetheart, our family has birthin hips. This was never a pleasant revelation for me.  Birthin hips are really just fat hips.

But when we give birth, there is no way to escape those flabby bodies. So we must learn to love them. I know this applies for women who are in shape as well; most of us think negatively about our bodies.

Whatever grievances you have with your physique, lay them aside and focus on your strength, your fortitude, your anatomy.  Your body was made for your baby.

 2.      Drink red raspberry leaf tea.

There isn’t a body of research to support drinking raspberry leaf tea. It’s a commonly promoted idea in natural birth circles but doesn’t have much science to back it up. I’m okay with that. There are deeply embedded practices in many cultures that aren’t scientifically proven, but I don’t think that means that they aren’t helpful.

Raspberry tea is made from the leaves of the raspberry plant, but unfortunately tastes nothing like raspberries. The tea is believed to tone the uterus and pelvic floor muscles and thereby make labor contractions stronger and more efficient.

Because it tastes pretty unpleasant, I like to drink it iced.  I make a strong brew and add honey and fresh orange juice while it’s still hot. I cool it in the fridge for the next day. You can get it here or here.

It’s usually recommended to drink as many cups per day as trimesters – so 1 cup per day in your 1^st trimester, 2 in your 2^nd, 3 in the last. As with any herb, talk to your doctor or midwife if you plan on using it.

3.      Practice Relaxation and Pain-coping

Lots of us live hurried lives. It’s rare to really relax and truly let go, but the ability to do this is essential for unmedicated labor.

There are many ways to practice relaxing. I like to start with focused tension release.  Find a comfy position – sitting or laying down. Close your eyes and think through your body from your head to your toes.  Think about your forehead and release any tension that you’re unknowingly holding there. Feel the whole forehead relax, and then take a second and scrunch it up, then release it again. Do this with as many body parts/muscle groups as you can think of – mouth, neck, shoulders, butt, calves, feet, toes, etc.

The Rainbow Relaxation cd from Hypnobirthing is a great resource for relaxation practice. Any time spent practicing slow, focused breathing will also be helpful.

The only problem with practicing relaxation is that it’s just not that hard to relax in a quiet house with your favorite music, candles, and a pain-free body. I suggest adding elements to turn relaxation practice into pain-coping.  This idea comes from Pam England’s work in Birthing From Within, a favorite of mine.

England recommends using ice cubes to induce pain that’s harmless but difficult.  You might try holding an ice cube tight in your hand for one minute and see how you deal with it. It’s not easy! The goal is to practice this often, and sometimes for several minute-sessions, with breaks in between. Please understand, this exercise is not about mimicking contractions. (If birth was like holding ice in your hand, I wouldn’t be writing this.)  Instead, the hope is to create pain-coping strategies and practice mindful relaxing amidst actual pain.

4.      Practice labor positions

A fundamental part of healthy, natural birth is laboring in lots of different positions. It works to move baby into a good position and also helps alleviate pain. During labor, I think it’s sometimes difficult for a woman to relax in a position she’s never experienced.  Here are just a few ideas – find what other positions feel good to you and practice those too!

• Hands and knees – on your bed, the floor or a couch.  Practice arching your back and rocking your hips.
• Slow dancing with your partner – Wrap your arms around his shoulders and let him support your weight. Sway back and forth.
• Sitting on a birth ball next to your bed – Place a birth ball/physio ball next to your bed and stack pillows on the edge of the bed so you can sit on the ball, legs spread, arms and head resting on the pillows.
• The Lunge – This is NOT a normal lunge! Side lunging can help turn a malpositioned baby and opens the pelvis. You can see pictures here.

5.      Do Prenatal Yoga

Beyond helping you be more flexible and strong enough to do all those great positions, research tells us that prenatal yoga significantly reduces certain negative birth outcomes, including low birth weight and preterm labor. We also have a study showing that prenatal yoga done in the last 10-12 weeks of pregnancy decreases labor time and increases comfort.

Win, win, win. Blooma Yoga just came out with a great dvd that includes some birth videos and breathing practice.

I hope these are helpful, mamas and mamas-to-be! Add your own thoughts in the comments – I’d love to know what positions and practices have been helpful to you.  And if you want to catch the other posts in this series, you can find them here and here.

Lindsey lives on and loves the west side of Chicago with her husband Mike and her kids – Caleb, 4 and Lily, 3. She works part time as a doula and childbirth educator and is fascinated by birth. In winter she likes to bake with sourdough, and in summer she likes everything. In all things, she is covered with God’s grace.

Запись 5 Ways to Prepare Your Body for Natural Birth впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

My husband is pretty fantastic.  He’s super supportive of my doula work – making me breakfast-to-go in the middle of the night, listening to detailed birth stories, going with the flow of an on-call job.  He’s a Math teacher, but he knows what a Foley bulb is and how to try to turn a posterior baby.

One morning, I came home after an all-day, all-night birth and handed him a bloody, plastic-wrapped bucket.

“It’s a placenta, ” I said with half-open eyes. “Can you put it in the freezer?”

He smiled, (At least I think so – I may have been asleep already.) and turned toward the kitchen, no questions asked. 

But he’s come a long way.  I remember sitting on a birth ball when the contractions were starting to come on strong with our first baby.  We had been watching West Wing on our laptop in the early hours of labor when it was easy.  But now I was moaning, rocking, and slumping my head against the chair in front of me.  At the peak of a contraction I felt a half-hearted, distracted back rub.

“Good job, baby. Good job, baby……..Baby, good job.”  I heaved myself up. His eyes were glued to the screen.

Needless to say, I asked him to shut it off (politely and graciously, I’m sure), and we kept laboring until we had a baby.  And he was great.

For dads, birth is a pretty mysterious event until they are in the thick of it.  Not only have most dads never witnessed a birth, but they have no way to relate personally.  The physical sensations of pregnancy and birth are completely outside their experience. 

If you’re planning a natural birth, your partner will likely be an important, if not the most important, member of your team.  It’s important that they’re prepared for the intense reality of birth and ready to support you.  Here are some ideas for helping them.

1. 1.       The obvious one – take a (great) birth class.

Often, it’s helpful for dads to get information from someone other than you.  Especially if they’re new to the idea of natural, non-medical birth, hearing from an experienced teacher adds credibility and helps them make the paradigm shift.

Good teachers also create their classes with learning styles in mind.  Men are often visual and kinesthetic learners, and taking an engaging class will help him (and you!) absorb more ideas and information.  I also see that dads are more likely to engage in discussion and ask questions when they see other dads doing the same thing.

Birth classes can be a great platform for you and your partner to work through dynamics and personality conflicts that will come up during your birth.  Having this kind of prompting come from an objective source makes the discussion easier.

What makes a good birth class?  I recommend taking an independent class – not one taught at the hospital.  While there are many good hospital teachers, these classes tend to center around hospital protocol, and often teachers are hesitant to present information that conflicts with policy, even when it’s backed by research.

I recommend private classes from Lamaze, Birthing from Within, Informed Beginnings, or Bradley.  If you’re working with a doula, get her referrals – the caliber of teacher matters more than the method.

1. 2.       Connect your partner with other men who’ve experienced natural childbirth. 

If you have friends who’ve had a baby recently, have them over for dinner and ask them to share their story.  It’s always fun to hear both sides of the story, and it helps to demystify labor and birth.  You can also ask your partner to watch some birth videos with you.  The birth of Moonbeam is a new favorite of mine. Dad actually catches the baby!

1. 3.       Watch The Business of Being Born.

This 2007 documentary is a great eye-opening conversation starter. I’ve seen dads fired up (sometimes more than moms!) and excited to support their partners and advocate for the best birth possible.

1. 4.       Have him do some reading.

Ask him to read chapters of birth books that are helping you.  If he’s got the time, The Birth Partner is awesome.  I’ve known dads who bring it to the birth and use the index to help them.  It’s a great resource.

1. 5.       Get a doula

One of doula’s main roles is to help dad help mom.  Doulas possess skills earned at numerous births that no man (or woman!) can pick up from a book or video.  In my doula interviews, I like to talk about the power of a doula to free dad to be what only he can be.  For most women, their partner will be their closest friend and most intimate ally in the birth room.  A doula can focus on the details – acupressure, position change, etc. – so that your partner can whisper encouragement and give you hugs in a way that only he can.  Often times, I find myself behind mom doing the hip squeeze while she fully leans into her partner chest, her arms wrapped around his neck.

A doula can also help dad relax.  Birth, especially the first time, is intense and can be scary.  If the doula is acting normal and calm, partners feel assured that everything is, in fact, normal.   I had a client whose husband was pretty freaked out by her blood loss immediately after birth.  Blood was gushing a bit, but just in the way it normally does.  He kept looking to me with huge eyes and mouthing, is she okay???  He felt assured by my happy smiles and nods.  His wife knew nothing of our exchanges, but he was put at ease.

Doulas are available at every price range based on experience, and costs vary a lot by area. Doulas-in-training will often offer a complimentary package.  Here’s a good place to start a doula search.

Dads can feel overwhelmed at the prospect of supporting their partners without the help of medication.  But when prepared, they’re empowered to offer a real backrub, arms to lean on, and maybe even hands to catch your baby.

Lindsey lives on and loves the west side of Chicago with her husband Mike and her kids – Caleb, 4 and Lily, 2. She works part time as a doula and childbirth educator and is fascinated by all things birth. In winter she likes to bake with sourdough, and in summer she likes everything. In all things, she is covered with God’s grace.

Запись 5 Ways to Prepare Your Partner for Natural Birth впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Today I’m sharing with you a list of 7 Black Birth Pros You Should Follow. These women love what they do and are experts in their field. They share their knowledge on the birth plan myth, teen pregnancy, bedrest, doulas, and how we can improve our mortality rates among other things. Check them out, show them some love, and pass them on to your friends and family!

Nicole Deggings AKA SistaMidwife is a Certifies Nurse Midwife, Educator, and Advocate for Black women within the Birthing Community. She passionately writes about maternal and infant mortality in the Black Community. Her website – Sista Midwife Productions contains a great list of Black Midwives and Doulas from around the world.
You can find Nicole on Twitter, Facebook, and on her Blog.

Darline Turner has tapped into a market not often not talked about in the birthing community as a whole. Mamas on Bedrest is a fantastic resource with a list of articles on surviving bedrest, green living, preterm labor, and  videos for exercise while on bedrest.
Find Darline on Twitte, Facebook, and YouTube.

Black Women Do VBAC is a project that exists to share our stories and inspire others.
You will find a collection of homebirths, hospital births, women having vaginal deliveries after 2-4 cesareans. Their stories and pictures are amazing! Also find them on Facebook.

International Center For Traditional Childbearing
Run by Shafia Monroe, ICTC is an infant mortality prevention, breastfeeding promting doula and midwife training institution.
Their mission is to increase the number of midwives and doulas of color and to return power to birth by reclaiming our culture as birth workers.

Midwives of Color is another great resource. This website keeps up to date with all of the latest conferences, webinars, videos, statistics in the Black Birthing Community.

Black Women Birthing Justice is a collective of African-American, African, Caribbean and multiracial women who are committed to transforming birthing experiences for Black women.

Lovebirth, LLC offers Childbirth Education and Doula Services – specializing in teen pregnancy.

Know of any other black birth pros? Add them to the list!

Darcel is Single Mama to three – Writing about Parenting, Homeschooling/Unschooling, Autism, Dyslexia, and Knitting on her blog – The Mahogany Way.
You can build community with her on  Facebook.
Chat with her in a 140 characters or less about the craziness of daily life on Twitter.
Join her in the visual goodness of Pinterest and  Instagram!

Запись 7 Black Birth Pros to Follow on Facebook and Twitter впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Lindsey Avink

Birth is transformative.  Nails grow beautiful from prenatal vitamins.  Our bellies stretch wider than we believed they could and leave marks forever.  Later, we grow muscles from carrying carseats and wearing babies.  And the breasts – who knew!

Yoga, squatting, breathing exercises, lotion on the tummy.  We focus a lot on our bodies, but really, our minds work just as hard during labor.  And birth will change our souls, just as it does our flesh.

For women wanting a natural birth, preparing your mind and soul is as important as doing those squats. These are my top five ways to get ready inside, gathered from having my own two babies and helping other women birth.

1. Provider, provider, provider

Choosing the best care provider is absolutely the most important thing you can do for your mind and soul.  Research shows that women’s relationship with their provider is the number one factor in determining their level of satisfaction with their birth experience – regardless of outcome.

Who is the best provider?  Whether you’re with a Midwife or Doctor, you need someone who has lots of experience supporting natural birth – not just someone who is “okay with it” or will “let you try”.  These are red flags.

And there’s a catch.  Not only do you need the best provider, but their group has to be just as great.  It’s rare that physicians or midwives practice alone, and there’s no guaranteeing who will be on call on your baby’s birth day.

Depending on the length of your birth, you may see two or even three providers during the whole experience.  I’ve seen a birth turn from mama about ready to be wheeled out for a c-section to a peaceful, vaginal birth – just because the new doctor’s shift started at 8 a.m.  And vice versa.

Sometimes, this means having the courage and flexibility to switch providers late in pregnancy.  This is hard, but if you want to birth naturally, it might be necessary.  I once had a heroic third-time mama tell me, “I just need someone who believes I can do it.” Her first two births had been traumatic c-sections.  She switched doctors at 38 weeks and went into labor at 39 weeks. Even though the birth was still hard ended in a c-section, she later said she didn’t regret one moment.  Her providers believed in her and knew how to support her.

If it’s hard to figure out which providers are genuinely supportive of natural birth, turn to the doulas in your community.  Doulas work all over and are willing to share their experiences and steer women toward the good midwives, doctors and hospitals.  They are almost always self-employed, so their advice is generally objective.

2. Release expectations and embrace YOUR experience.

My sister’s birth was only six hours.

My first birth was only six hours.

I really want to have the baby before ____________ .

I really don’t want to have the baby until after ____________ .

My childbirth teacher said that active labor is shorter than early labor.

During birth, you can’t win the expectations game.  Every birth is unique – totally unique.  The experience, the timing, the feelings.

In my childbirth classes, I’ve stopped teaching the “stages of labor” and instead talk about the flow of labor as a circle.  Some women move methodically around the circle – long early labor, shorter active labor, shortest pushing.  Some women stay in one part of the circle their whole labor.  Some women bounce all over the circle.  It’s helpful to know the origins of our “stages of labor” – it’s made me think twice about the terminology.  I’ve had clients look like they were in transition when they were very early on, and I’ve had clients smiling and chatting as they got ready to push.

Every birth looks and feels different

Due dates are another big battle.  When will you go into labor?

The bottom line is there is no way to know.  Due dates themselves are really only an approximate time – that’s it!  40 weeks gestation is just the average – half of women birth before 40 and half after, and more first-time mamas are likely to birth later.  I’ve heard midwives say that 41 weeks and 3 days is a golden day for many first-time moms.

All that to say, your baby comes when your baby is ready.  When we say that a baby is “late”, or “early”, it’s because we have a pretty small window of expectation for birthdays.  Holding loosely to your due date is helpful.  Maybe you can even refer to your due date as “sometime late May” or “early December”.

Let go of expectations and embrace the ambiguity of birth.

3. Find empowering birth stories

Women love to tell their birth stories – and I love to hear them!  There’s even research that looks at birth satisfaction by the clarity with which old women recount their experiences.  I remember my 90-year-old grandma’s eyes coming alive as she described the details of my dad’s birth.

But once you’re pregnant, it seems like everyone has a horror story.  “Oh – my friend tried a natural birth.  She wanted to die and said never again without the epidural.”   This is her friend’s experience, and it’s real and should be honored.

But hear it with a grain of salt.   Usually, we don’t know the whole story.  Was her provider supportive?  Was she made to stay in bed?  Did she have the option of a birth tub or shower?  Did she have a doula? And on and on.  Don’t let negative stories become scary stories.

Instead, seek out your friends who have had natural births and ply them for the details.  This is a great YouTube Channel with some beautiful birth videos.  Prepare your soul by hearing positive experiences and being careful with the negative ones.

4. Read at least one (and maybe not more) good birth book.

I believe that we instinctively know how to give birth, but I also think that those instincts are a bit buried by our current birth culture.  A good birth book can help you re-orient your thinking about pregnancy and labor.  But like all books, there are bad ones too, so choose wisely.  I’ll also say that sometimes we read too much, and start assuming that birth is an academic exercise.  Sure, we need knowledge, but we birth with our bodies and our souls too.

Here are my favorites, in order.

5. Practice listening to your body

Listening and responding to your body is really at the heart of birth.  I teach about our birth-pain actually being a guide for our labor.   Find what feels good, and do it!  As we respond to pain by moving into positions that relieve it, we’re helping open our pelvis and letting the baby work her way down.

Practice this while you’re pregnant.  Listen to your instincts, and don’t hesitate to follow them.  Hydrate, be active, and rest as you feel the need.  Trusting your body’s cues and believing in the power of your instincts will serve you well during birth.

Birth changes us; our children change us.  The work of preparing our minds and souls for birth is just the beginning of stretching ourselves to fit our growing family.

What am I missing, mamas? How else can we get ready on the inside for the big task of birthing?

Lindsey Avink lives in and loves the west side of Chicago with her husband Mike and her kiddos – Caleb, 4 and Lily, 2. She works part time as a doula and childbirth educator and is fascinated by all things birth. In winter she likes to bake with sourdough, and in summer she likes everything. In all things, she is covered with God’s grace.

Запись 5 Ways to Prepare Your Mind and Soul for Natural Birth впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Alicia Barnes

My birth was my mother’s third c-section. The doctor told her when he touched the scalpel to her scar, she split open.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t bump into any tables, ” he said, alluding her belly would have ruptured.

I grew up hearing that story and believing that childbirth was dangerous medical event. I watched TLC’s “A Baby Story” and felt bad for the women who didn’t have c-sections. There was lots of screaming and beeping machines and people in scrubs rushing around and yelling to push! It seemed so chaotic compared to the quiet and security of the operating room.

I believed I’d have c-sections like my mother and sister. I believed my body was incapable because my hips were too narrow and the women in my family just couldn’t have babies any other way.

So I was pretty shocked myself when I found myself considering not using a doctor but having a midwife if and when I became pregnant.

My experiences with the doctors at the women’s clinic before and during my pregnancy were spotty at best. I hated how long appointments took. I hated how many different nurses I had to see and rooms I had to go to. One to wait in until it was my turn to pee. Another to wait in to get my BP and weight. Finally, I’d be put in a room, a doctor would breeze in and out, and 2 hours after I arrived, I’d be done.

They weren’t terrible. They just weren’t good either. They did things like tell me I was strange for wanting and IUD and that it was impossible for birth control pills to be contributing to my depression.

When I became pregnant, they prescribed me iron pills and DHA supplements for $57/month without looking at my blood work which would have told them that I have never had low iron in my life.

I know that every single iron test I’ve had including those four while I was pregnant showed my levels were high, yet I got an RX for iron pills and DHA pills say for women with intermediate to high risk pregnancies, when I was definitely low risk.

I was upset that the doctor never discussed why she thought I needed additional iron and never suggested I increase the amount of iron in my diet first. Everyone knows it’s best to get nutrients in their natural form as much as possible because the body can more readily use iron found in food than it can in an artificial supplement form. Moreover, I was upset because iron supplements are notorious for causing constipation and can have other side effects that would have been terrible during a pregnancy.

To make matters more confusing, I had friends also attending the clinic who were told just to buy whatever prenatals they wanted from whatever store and written no prescriptions for DHA or iron. Between the nurse telling me that I’d have to start walking (uh, I had just run a half marathon) and lecturing me on what food to avoid at the deli counter in Walmart, I worried that the clinic was profiling me as a high risk mom even though I was incredibly healthy.

Having learned about the cascade of interventions I was wary of providers who ignored evidence and leaned toward overmedicating just to be safe without considering the potential side effects.

To protect myself and my baby, I had come up with some basic needs from my provider for a low-risk pregnancy:

1. To have an established relationship with a healthcare provider and for that provider to be consistent.

2. To have our provider practice and support a healthy, active lifestyle that recognizes the importance of diet and exercise.

3. To have decisions and recommendations be both evidence-based.

4. To have our wishes respected as much were medically safe and to have a provider who trusted us enough to talk to us, not at us.

5. To avoid unnecessary exposure to drugs, stress, negativity,  and anything else that might hinder breastfeeding and recovery.

The provider we found who could help us with these things turned out to be a midwife. She came highly recommended through mutual friends. We interviewed her and she us. We had long conversations. She learned about our lifestyles, interests, and goals, and this was all well before she ever examined me.

She had references, amazing rates of healthy babies and mothers, and a birth philosophy that aligned with our own.

She only took low-risk healthy clients who had been seen by medical doctors at least through their first trimester. She offered detailed and personalized realistic natural childbirth classes and expected anyone attending the birth to come to learn how to support a laboring woman and what normal non-medical, healthy birth looks like.

My prenatal appointments were at my house. I could work them in on my lunch break and have plenty of time to be back in the office. She had me keeping a food journal at various points and made diet recommendations. Just like at the doctor’s office, she did urinalysis and iron level blood checks. We listened to the baby’s heartbeat and had plenty of time for questions and answers.

My care from my midwife exceeded my expectations. My labor was fast and easy. I was comfortable in my own home. I had access to a birthing pool, a clean, comfortable shower, and other tools that research has shown improves labor and reduces pain and stress. I could control who saw me at this time, the noise, the temperature, the food I was offered.

My support team wasn’t working on shifts, and the people I had prepared to birth with were the exact same people who were there at the birth. It was what we had practiced, where we had met. Everyone knew everyone, and everyone had a pre-determined role. This facilitated a smooth, reassuring atmosphere that really helped me relax.

Throughout the pregnancy and postpartum period, she was always a text or phone call away. After the birth, she called and visited to check on me and the baby.I was thrilled that my insurance even paid for her care services.

Now I tell all women to be as picky about your doctor as you are when you’re car shopping.

You research. You test drive. You go to multiple dealers. You know what Kelly’s Blue Book says and if someone says something that doesn’t hold up, you don’t sit there saying, “Well he’s the professional so I’ll just go along with what he says.” If someone gives you bad vibes, you move on and look for someone you can work with comfortably. Just as there is multiple models of cars and dealerships, there are many different doctors,  caregivers, and places to give birth.

There is no one model of care that works well for every woman. Every pregnancy is unique. I am extremely glad we have medical doctors with all their expertise especially for complications. I’m also glad for providers who recognize that not all births are high risk medical events and act accordingly.

I love my midwife and everything she’s done for my family. She is an amazing strong, compassionate, educated, and dedicated professional. I just wish everyone could have as positive an experience with their chosen provider as I had with mine.

Bonus footage: My midwife checking out Ennis’ strong heart tones and kicks!

Alicia is currently living her plan C or maybe D or F in a small college town where she divides her time between family, travel, work, and the internet. 

Запись Why I Chose a Midwife Over a Doctor впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Alicia Barnes

It had been an exhausting week, and I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

My husband Daniel and I were looking out the window, waiting until there was more light than dark in the sky to call my midwife again. We didn’t want to bother anyone, but we thought things might be happening.

My contractions weren’t quite 4 minutes apart on 1 minute long contractions for 1 hour (4-1-1), but I was getting pretty close. After talking to me during one of the contractions, she agreed to come check on me. We also called our labor support, my friend Sheena, who also began making plans to arrive.

And like that, the homebirth really began.

This was my first pregnancy and I was about to have a baby in my home with only 3 other people present, and the thought most forward on my mind was worrying that I wasn’t in true labor and was wasting everyone’s time.

Once my midwife arrived, we started out talking on the couch. She checked vitals and timed a few contractions while we spoke. Earlier on the phone Daniel had asked her if we should prepare the house for birth, and she said to wait until she had assessed me since I wasn’t 4-1-1 yet.

Shortly after timing a few stronger contractions, she checked to see that I was at 4 centimeters. She had Daniel and Sheena begin preparing.

They filled the labor/birth pool with water. They cleared off the dresser for the various birthing supplies. They fixed the bed with old sheets and protective covers, while my midwife began unpacking the birthing kit we ordered as well as her own supplies.

I was encouraged to eat, walk, do whatever I felt like doing as long as I remained hydrated. I was constantly told how awesome I was doing.

I talked to myself a lot. I thought about how I got there, the first positive pregnancy test, the first time I heard his heartbeat, the first time I felt him move. I rubbed my belly, remembering how it grew, protruding more and more, and how it would soon be gone.

I thought about how I felt, how I wanted to finish strong. I compared labor to how other things felt, trying to determine where labor fell on the scale of suck. I was still sure that it sucked nowhere near as much as mono and that I had had many periods worse than it.

When the pool was ready, I got in and though it was nice, but I couldn’t get comfortable. In my mind I couldn’t be any more than 5 cm, so I got out and went to the bathroom where I then decided I wanted a hot shower on my back.

In the shower, I found myself moaning deeper, and I said to myself, “You’re going to have to buck up because you can’t be more than 6 cm now, and if you’re going to make it through transition this afternoon, you have to find a way through this.”

I demanded that my back be rubbed, continuously, very deeply, and woe to the person who stopped. I didn’t want anything to drink. Do not ask me again. Do not stop rubbing. I drained the hot water heater and decided it was time to get out.

My midwife offered to check me, and she said I was nearly ready to push. I had just gone through transition without realizing it. I walked back to the living room and got the first urge to push. I wasn’t sure if it was ok because my midwife had said I was almost ready, but she assured me that if I felt the urge to push I should do so. So I walked until I felt the urge and pushed.

In between pushes, she checked his heart tones, but things did not sound quite right. They were up and down, not consistent like they had always been. She let me know that we had to get his heart tones better and get him out, so I took a deep breath and waited for the next urge to push.

When it came, I pushed and in the little movement of that push whatever was pressing against him stressing him out stopped, and his heart tones were better.

I felt like moving again, so we went to the bathroom, and after a few more good pushes, he was crowning. I thought to myself, “So this is the ring of fire. This isn’t really that bad. I expected worse.”

All the while my midwife was supporting my perineum with fresh warm hand towels and using olive oil along inside and out and around his head. She let me know when to push and when to wait as she supported and assisted stretching and made sure the cord wasn’t around his neck. Then my midwife told me it was all clear, so I pushed and out came his head and then his body.

He didn’t come out screaming. He was calm with eyes wide open. I tried to take him all in but my eyes felt inadequate to see all that he was. His skin was light. He had hair. Lips more like mine. Eyes more like Daniel. He was long very long.

There I was standing in my bathroom, having just delivered a baby, and it wasn’t even noon. We relocated to the bed where I nursed for the first time watching these bright eyes look back at me. I didn’t count toes or fingers. I just let him grip my hand.

After the cord stopped pulsing, Daniel cut it, noting it was much tougher than he expected. Then it was time to deliver the placenta, which was the only real hiccup. While it came out, I bled more than normal, though thankfully with my midwife there, we were able to get things under control through nursing and massage. After that, the focus switched to getting my energy levels back up with food.

Not 24 hours earlier, I had gone to bed unaware that by 1:30 a.m. I’d be in pre-labor; by 3:30 a.m., I’d have contractions to time; by 7:20 a.m., we’d call my midwife and labor support; by 9:30 a.m. I’d be 4 cm; and around 11 a.m., I’d be a mother, my husband a father, and our family happily expanded from the comfort of our own home. We had a homebirth and we loved it.

Alicia is currently living her plan C or maybe D or F in a small college town where she divides her time between family, travel, work, and the internet. 

Запись I Had a Drug-Free Home Birth and Loved It впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.