By Alicia Barnes, liciabobesha.com
I’m grateful that I don’t have a weak constitution because motherhood has sure thrown some gross curveballs I didn’t expect.
As if pregnancy and labor weren’t enough, they are followed by lochia, or as I call it, the super period. This several week period when blood, mucus, and uterine tissue from the pregnancy make their way out of the body for 4-6 weeks. Yes, a freaking month. I wasn’t a fan of having to use pads for weeks though I’m not thrilled about the alternative such as using Depends adult diapers though I’ve heard wonderful things. No one ever seems to talk about the lochia, but it’s coming.
Before all supply is settled, breasts leak. There’s nothing like soaking through a shirt or that sour milk smell of nursing pads that need changing. I’m pretty sure the mixture of sour milk smell and lochia were my least favorite part of the early postpartum days.
Bathtub bowel movements
Sometimes about the nice warm water just made my kid have to go. While I caught him making the face most of the time, I wasn’t always successful in getting him out of the water fast enough. Then we had to drain the tub, scrub the tub, sterilize any toys in the tub. It was a pain especially at the end of a long day. I know at least one mom who became so hardened to the bathtub poop, she just scooped it up with her hand and tossed it in the toilet and carried on. That’s motherhood.
Nonfood objects as snacks
I think toddler have such poor appetites because they’re busy getting full on nonfood objects. Mine has an affinity for dog food, dirt, and random stuff he finds floating in the gym pool. Though I can’t really complain because one of his friends picked up a dog turd and ate it like a candy bar.
Being a vomit receptacle
I’ve been really lucky that my kid hasn’t ever really thrown up except one time. He ate his food too quickly then came over to me and rested his head on my shoulder before emptying the contents all over my shirt. It was so much it soaked down through my bra. I was picking him up from school at the time, so I was about to have to drive home stinky, sticky, and wet. Luckily his teacher had a spare shirt for me to borrow. Kids like to cuddle when they don’t feel good and vomit often lands first on mommy.
Cleaning up poopy messes
I expected dirty diapers. I didn’t expect having to clean up tile grout and rugs from rogue poops and diarrhea. I consider myself lucky though. It’s easier to toss a rug in the wash than it is to clean a room where a toddler has been “fingerpainting” with poop. My poor coworker had triplets who all filled their diapers, took them off, and then painted the wall, their toys, and themselves while she was preparing lunch. She just started crying. I’ve heard so many moms who realized it was too quiet only to walk in to find their child’s chocolate art all over their wall.
I know this can’t be the worst of it, but it’s been pretty gross for me. I find I can stomach the nasty stuff my kid does better than hearing what his friends have been up to. I guess that’s love. Feel free to share your stories of being grossed out if you can handle typing them.
Alicia lives in a small college town that often challenges her resolve to live as simply and as stress-free as possible. When she’s not working, rereading the same children’s books, cooking, or wondering how crunchy she’s become, she’s busy updating her site, liciabobesha.com. You can follow her on facebook.