I remember my first night as a mother. I nursed my tiny baby to sleep, placed him in his crib, where he began to cry. So I calmed him, waited longer before I put him down, and yet he cried again.

Since his crib was already in our room, the transition to the bed was a very short walk. That night my husband and I took turns holding him while he slept, and we’ve had a kid in our bed ever since.

I have no doubt we could have trained our son to sleep in his own bed, but that little cry spoke to me.

Babies don’t come into this world equipped with many skills. They can’t hold their heads up. They are pretty much helpless, but what they have is their voices, their little cries. So that first night when my son told me he needed me, I answered and let him into my bed. Now almost 4 years later with him still in my bed, you might think I regret this decision, but I don’t.

Co-sleeping is a way of life for many families. Some statistics show that “that 25% of American families always, or almost always, slept with their baby in bed, 42% slept with their baby sometimes.” Other studies have shown that co-sleeping is more widely accepted in Asian, African, and Latin American countries where parents are more concerned about separation from their child versus lack of privacy.

I saw a mom who shared her family’s co-sleeping arrangement with their four kids ranging from a baby to an 11 year old. Many people had lots of negative things to say, especially regarding the seeming lack of privacy, but I respect these parents’ decision to do what worked for their family. I know safe co-sleeping works for my family, even though there’s now 4 of us.

Speaking with other co-sleeping mothers, I’ve seen our motivations vary.

One friend whose nursery was on the first floor but master bedroom was upstairs realized that if someone broke into her house, the first room they would come upon was the nursery. Once she realized that, she knew she couldn’t leave a baby or a small child there.That threat also extends to emergencies like a house fire. I like knowing that if anything is happens, my kids are already right there next to me, at least until they are older and more capable.

I know I don’t sleep as deeply with a baby in the room, but I see that responsiveness as a bonus. I worry less. I breastfeed easier and longer without supply problems. When I was working outside of the home with my first child, the most time we had together in a day was when we were sleeping. I was so glad to have that connection after being away from him all day. During that time of serious internal conflict of working and leaving my child, the nights with him reconnected our family.

When I became pregnant again, I worried that our co-sleeping arrangement might not work with two children and me and working from home.

I thought I might crave more space from my children after being with them all day. When I see their sleeping faces in my bed, I feel peace, love, and comfort. If I felt negatively, I’d work on a different arrangement because I’m not a martyr. I’ve just found sleeping is not where I seek privacy. I find that time in the shower, at the gym, on a run, or even just browsing Facebook while my kids nap.

Just because we co-sleep, doesn’t mean all my waking hours are spent with awake kids.

I’m a believer in naptime and bedtime. I write this now while my 3 year old is at least quietly “reading”, if not asleep in the bed, while the baby is asleep. Soon, I’ll pick her up and bring her to bed with me. She’ll shift her weight against me, ready to nurse and sleep some more.

As I approach four years into parenthood, I can see how quickly these 18 years will pass.

For perspective, my car is 15 years old. My husband and I have been together for 14 years. Our first dog is 12 years old. Years only seem to go faster as I get older. My car is breaking down. My dog’s face is nearly all white. Their time is coming to a close right in front of me, as my husband and I approach being together nearly half of our lives. My lap can hardly contain my leggy 3 year old as he “reads” me stories. This new baby who just arrived in August is now smiling, grabbing things, and trying to roll over. I have no worries about forcing them out. Their independence is coming without question.

One day my children will tell me they are sleeping in their own beds, and I will be proud as they reach that stage. Until then, I’ll scoot over and welcome them in.

Запись I Won’t Kick My 3-Year-Old Out of My Bed впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

By Vanessa H.

When my daughter Kennedy was 4 months old I decided to “sleep train, ” but with all the literature out there about how to do it I was completely overwhelmed figuring out which method to follow – especially because the information can be contradictory. After a few weeks of trying and failing a lot, we finally decided on something we can agree on. Here’s a short summary of the two most helpful books I found and the way we navigated through the info.

Baby Wise 
Depending on the mom circles you find yourself in mentioning your thoughts about this book can win or lose you friends. Even though this book came out over 20 years ago, it’s methods are still widely used and still widely controversial. Why?  It’s because the book introduced the “cry it out” (CIO) method.  You put the child down and if they cry, you go in and comfort them in 10 minute intervals until they are asleep.  Easier said than done, but that’s the general idea.

The Baby Whisperer 
Okay, so the full title of this book is The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems. Solves all my problems? Um, yes, please! Give me some of that. That title alone was enough for me to pick the book up. This book came out after Baby Wise, and the author  juxtaposes her method as the alternative to helping your child sleep without CIO. Sadly, she kind of demonizes the Baby Wise author and everyone who follows his methods – which doesn’t help ease the tension in the mommy circles. The most helpful suggestion offered in this book was the E.A.S.Y. Schedule.

I found a cheat sheet for this schedule based on the child’s age that’s been real helpful for me too.

What worked for me 
Before I looked into any of this, Kennedy was sleeping whenever she wanted – and not sleeping whenever she wanted. Her naps were unpredictable and inconsistent and she was waking up around 3 times a night. I needed some sort of schedule to help add a little normalcy to our lives. I felt good about starting at 4 months because she was on track with weight and thriving, according to her pediatrician. She was over 12 pounds (the weight doctors say babies can go for longer stretches without eating) so as long as I knew she was well fed, I could take the possibility of hunger out of the guessing game when she was crying.

I decided to pick and choose from both books and landed somewhere in the middle. I started with the E.A.S.Y. schedule. Kennedy would wake up at 7am. I would breastfeed. Change her diaper. Dress her for the day. Lay her on her activity mat/go for a walk or whatever we were doing that morning. Then, I would place her down for a nap at 8:30 am She would wake up after 45 minutes and we would do the same schedule all over again.

Sounds easy, right? Not. The first couple times I laid Kennedy down for nap time, she didn’t go down easily at all. So, I used a bit of the CIO method while I was instituting the schedule with her. If it was 8:30 am and Kennedy was not quite sleepy or showing signs of being tired for whatever reason, I would just lay her down and walk out of the room. Of course, she would inevitably start crying so, every 10 minutes, I would walk into the room and calm her. Then, out the room I went and the screaming started again. Oh, it was such torture hearing her scream for those 10 minutes but I knew getting her on a schedule would serve her (and me!) better in the long run so I pushed through.

We struggled through those first days. She cried. I cried. Sometimes my husband and I  did the walk-in-and-comfort every 10 minutes for over an hour. And then, one day, it happened. I placed her in the crib, walked out the room. She cried for maybe a minute or so and then she fell asleep. It was a miracle!

As far as sleeping through the night is concerned, Kennedy still wakes up once a night around 4 am. This is a major improvement from what it used to be (waking up 3 times a night on average) to feed but other than that, sleep has finally started to feel like smooth sailing.

Vanessa lives in North Carolina and is mom to Kennedy. Check out her Baby Love feature here.

Ladies, share your sleep training experiences below!

Запись How I Sleep-Trained My 4 Month Old впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.