By Claire Niala for The Natural Child Project

I was born and grew up in Kenya & Cote d’Ivoire. Then from the age of fifteen I lived in the UK. However, I always knew that I wanted to raise my children (whenever I had them) at home in Kenya. And yes, I assumed I was going to have them. I am a modern African woman with two university degrees and I am a fourth generation working woman – but when it comes to children, I am typically African. The assumption remains that you are not complete without them; children are a blessing it would be crazy to avoid. Actually the question does not even arise.

I started my pregnancy in the UK. The urge to deliver at home was so strong that I sold my practice, setup a new business and moved house / country within five months of finding out I was pregnant. I did what most expectant mothers in the UK do – I read voraciously: Our Babies, Ourselves, Unconditional Parenting, anything by the Searses – the list goes on. (My grandmother later commented that babies don’t read books – and really all I needed to do was “read” my baby). Everything I read said that African babies cried less than European babies. I was intrigued as to why.

When I went home I observed. I looked out for mothers and babies and they were everywhere (though not very young African ones – those under six weeks were mainly at home). The first thing I noticed is that despite their ubiquitousness it is actually quite difficult to actually “see” a Kenyan baby. They are usually incredibly well wrapped up before being carried or strapped onto their mother (sometimes father).

Even older babies already strapped onto a back are then further protected from the elements by a large blanket. You would be lucky to catch a limb, never mind an eye or nose. It is almost a womb-like replication in the wrapping. The babies are literally cocooned from the stresses of the outside world into which they are entering.

My second observation was a cultural one. In the UK it was understood that babies cry – in Kenya it was quite the opposite. The understanding is that babies don’t cry. If they do – something is horribly wrong and must be done to rectify it immediately. My English sister-in-law summarized it well. “People here” she said “really don’t like babies crying, do they?”

It all made much more sense when I finally delivered and my grandmother came from the village to visit. As it happened – my baby did cry a fair amount, and exasperated and tired, I forgot everything I had ever read and sometimes joined in the crying too. Yet for my grandmother it was simple – nyonyo (breastfeed her!). It was her answer to every single peep.

There were times when it was a wet nappy, or the fact that I had put her down, or that she needed burping that was the problem, but mainly she just wanted to be at the breast – it didn’t really matter whether she was feeding or just having a comfort moment. I was already wearing her most of the time and co-sleeping with her, so this was a natural extension to what we were doing.

I suddenly learned the not-so-difficult secret as to the joyful silence of African babies. It was a simple needs-met symbiosis that required a total suspension of ideas of “what should be happening” and an embracing of what was actually going on in that moment. The bottom line was that my baby fed a lot – far more than I had ever read about anywhere and at least five times as much as some of the stricter feeding schedules I had heard about.

Read the rest at The Natural Child Project.

Запись Why Africans are the Originators of Attachment Parenting впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

I remember my first night as a mother. I nursed my tiny baby to sleep, placed him in his crib, where he began to cry. So I calmed him, waited longer before I put him down, and yet he cried again.

Since his crib was already in our room, the transition to the bed was a very short walk. That night my husband and I took turns holding him while he slept, and we’ve had a kid in our bed ever since.

I have no doubt we could have trained our son to sleep in his own bed, but that little cry spoke to me.

Babies don’t come into this world equipped with many skills. They can’t hold their heads up. They are pretty much helpless, but what they have is their voices, their little cries. So that first night when my son told me he needed me, I answered and let him into my bed. Now almost 4 years later with him still in my bed, you might think I regret this decision, but I don’t.

Co-sleeping is a way of life for many families. Some statistics show that “that 25% of American families always, or almost always, slept with their baby in bed, 42% slept with their baby sometimes.” Other studies have shown that co-sleeping is more widely accepted in Asian, African, and Latin American countries where parents are more concerned about separation from their child versus lack of privacy.

I saw a mom who shared her family’s co-sleeping arrangement with their four kids ranging from a baby to an 11 year old. Many people had lots of negative things to say, especially regarding the seeming lack of privacy, but I respect these parents’ decision to do what worked for their family. I know safe co-sleeping works for my family, even though there’s now 4 of us.

Speaking with other co-sleeping mothers, I’ve seen our motivations vary.

One friend whose nursery was on the first floor but master bedroom was upstairs realized that if someone broke into her house, the first room they would come upon was the nursery. Once she realized that, she knew she couldn’t leave a baby or a small child there.That threat also extends to emergencies like a house fire. I like knowing that if anything is happens, my kids are already right there next to me, at least until they are older and more capable.

I know I don’t sleep as deeply with a baby in the room, but I see that responsiveness as a bonus. I worry less. I breastfeed easier and longer without supply problems. When I was working outside of the home with my first child, the most time we had together in a day was when we were sleeping. I was so glad to have that connection after being away from him all day. During that time of serious internal conflict of working and leaving my child, the nights with him reconnected our family.

When I became pregnant again, I worried that our co-sleeping arrangement might not work with two children and me and working from home.

I thought I might crave more space from my children after being with them all day. When I see their sleeping faces in my bed, I feel peace, love, and comfort. If I felt negatively, I’d work on a different arrangement because I’m not a martyr. I’ve just found sleeping is not where I seek privacy. I find that time in the shower, at the gym, on a run, or even just browsing Facebook while my kids nap.

Just because we co-sleep, doesn’t mean all my waking hours are spent with awake kids.

I’m a believer in naptime and bedtime. I write this now while my 3 year old is at least quietly “reading”, if not asleep in the bed, while the baby is asleep. Soon, I’ll pick her up and bring her to bed with me. She’ll shift her weight against me, ready to nurse and sleep some more.

As I approach four years into parenthood, I can see how quickly these 18 years will pass.

For perspective, my car is 15 years old. My husband and I have been together for 14 years. Our first dog is 12 years old. Years only seem to go faster as I get older. My car is breaking down. My dog’s face is nearly all white. Their time is coming to a close right in front of me, as my husband and I approach being together nearly half of our lives. My lap can hardly contain my leggy 3 year old as he “reads” me stories. This new baby who just arrived in August is now smiling, grabbing things, and trying to roll over. I have no worries about forcing them out. Their independence is coming without question.

One day my children will tell me they are sleeping in their own beds, and I will be proud as they reach that stage. Until then, I’ll scoot over and welcome them in.

Запись I Won’t Kick My 3-Year-Old Out of My Bed впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Co-sleeping is when a parent(s), baby, and or toddler shares a bed together on a regular. Does it work? It can! Is it comfortable? Not all the time! Is it safe? If you take the proper precautions!

I co-slept with my three previous babies, but this latest go-round with our fourth has not been the easiest. Like they say, every experience with newborns and toddlers is different and this time it’s so different it hurts. I must admit though, its more my fault than my husbands. No matter how many times we told ourselves that we were not going to co sleep with our next little one, we, I mean I, ended up doing quite the opposite. The crib or playpen would be in the very same room with us and still somehow I would end up carrying them to our bed. There are definite pros and cons. Here’s what I’ve experienced thus far:

1. The Bed
Pro: If you have a king-sized bed… WONDERFUL, even a queen size will do. Just give your baby his own blanket and have him sleep on top of the covers. Bonding is another pro in this case because it can enhance the relationship with you and your baby.

Con: If you have a full size bed and both you, hubby, and baby are sharing this bed…ummmmm…yeah… no go! Unfortunately this is my current situation. We made a bit move about a year ago and gave up a lot of things — our queen-sized bed being one of them. So we had to downgrade to a smaller bed. I’m thankful to have a bed, but grumpy in the morning from tossing and turning making sure lil man has enough room.

2. Sex
Con: Ummmmm yeah…either get creative or suffer! We will just leave it like that!

3. Breastfeeding and Diaper Changing
Pro: I don’t have to get up 2 to 3 times a night to change and feed little man. Everything is right there. His food and diapers.

Con: His doctor says due to his age, weight, and intake of solid foods he should only wake up to nurse once a night, two at the most. Ha! Not this 10 month old! When I told her he wakes up to nurse more than 3 times a night, she almost fell off her seat. She gave me some tips, but in my mind I knew they would be irrelevant until I got him out of our bed.

4. Transitioning kids from your bed to their own
Pro: None!

Con: I do not have a pro for this one. It is what it is: a challenge! I have had 4 children and trying to get them to sleep in their own bed is not cute at all. Because of the bonding and the security they feel, sleeping in their own room and bed has been a CHALLENGE. I’m happy to say our first three children at ages 6, 4, and 2 do currently sleep in their bed now, however there was a price to pay with crying, tantrums, and sneaking in our bed in the middle of the night. Am I ready for the challenge with my 10 month old? NOPE!!!!

So there you have it!

Do you co-sleep with your little one? What are your pros and cons? How did you transition your child out of it?

Kim is the author of  where she discovers what it means to be a woman of GOD, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and entrepreneur.

Запись The Pros and Cons of Co-Sleeping: 4 Things to Consider впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.

Having watched my mother raise four kids in a third world country — where the only parenting “philosophy” was keep them healthy and get them educated, I was a bit skeptical of attachment parenting. But some things started to make sense and sound desirable. One of those things was co-sleeping.

I took a childbirth class in my last trimester and my instructor often mentioned the benefits of co-sleeping — that it regulates baby’s body temperature, that it’s ideal for nursing, that it comforts the baby emotionally. She shared that she co-slept with her children until they were toddlers. I wondered how she and her husband managed to have sex, but was never brave enough to ask.

When Noah arrived, he spent his first few hours of life peacefully co-sleeping with me. I, exhausted after 17 hours of labor, and he, certainly relieved to have made it out of the birth canal.

It was heaven. Looking over to see his tiny face. Having easy access to him for breastfeeding.

When we left the hospital a day later, we continued the practice. It took my beefcake husband some getting used to. One night I heard tiny, labored breathing and awoke to find — with horror — Noah pinned under my husband’s arm. But we soon got the hang of it. Noah cried frequently throughout the night — I assumed, because he was a new baby — and I breastfed him.

By the time Noah hit 4 months old we were finally falling into somewhat of a rhythm. Instead of falling into bed with Noah as soon as we could, we stayed up to watch movies or just hang out while Noah slept. At the time he wasn’t rolling, so we propped the edges of the bed with pillows — just in case — and left him there. And we started to notice that he cried a LOT less when we weren’t in the bed with him.

Vaguely offended at this notion, we decided to test it out. Norm and I dragged his Pack n’ Play into our tiny bedroom (we hadn’t bought a crib) and placed Noah in it at bedtime. Then we climbed into our bed and turned off the light. He woke up 3 times less than he normally did. We sadly accepted that our son did not want to share a bed with us, and started using his Pack n’ Play as both a play space and a crib.

We continued to share a room with Noah when we moved to our new apartment. His playyard set neatly in the corner. We set him down at his bed time, 9 p.m., then crawled into our bed two or three hours later. We began to notice that his night wakings seemed to coincide with our crawling into bed, and to noises we made while engaging in “night time activities”… It was soon obvious that, not only did Noah not want to co-sleep with us, he didn’t even want to be roommates.

Just this week, we said our goodbyes to him, and pushed his playyard into his nursery. Noah — unemotional and unconcerned — slept peacefully through the whole night.

I still think the idea of co-sleeping sounds wonderful, but the reality won’t play out the same for everyone. When it comes to his sleep, Noah wants space and quiet, and those are two things that co-sleeping didn’t provide. Ironically, ditching co-sleeping is what led to him being fully sleep-trained.

What about you ladies? Did you try co-sleeping? Did it work for you? Why or why not?

Запись True Life: Co-Sleeping Didn’t Work for Me впервые появилась Baby & Blog | Celebrating Black Mommyhood.